


Devilish

by WorryinglyInnocent



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gold&Cruella bro-ship, NaNoWriMo, Novel-length fic, non-magic au, photographer!Gold, relationship beginning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-29
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-02-08 11:51:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 50,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12863934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WorryinglyInnocent/pseuds/WorryinglyInnocent
Summary: It all starts with a bra. Librarian Belle French is looking to start life afresh after leaving a toxic relationship. Photographer Aiden Gold is feeling old after learning he’s going to become a grandfather. Thanks to a lingerie catalogue named ‘Devilish’, a chain of events is set in motion that causes their lives to intertwine…





	1. Carpe Diem

**Author's Note:**

> Please note - this is rated T for now but the rating will go up in later chapters. I'll warn you when this happens.

**Devilish**

**Chapter One – Carpe Diem**

Belle looked up at the dark red sign above the shop door. There was no lettering, just a stylised image of some devil horns and a tail in stark black. Despite the shop being nameless, it was very clear from the tasteful window displays what it sold. In each window were dressmakers’ dummies wearing all manner of beautiful lingerie, from standard bra and panty sets in beautiful jewel-coloured lace, to sculpted corsets in fine black satin. It looked chic, the sort of place that specialised in discreet service, just as Ariel had promised her when she had recommended the place. It was a new boutique, recently opened as the latest branch in a limited chain, and so far Belle had never really paid it much attention. Or rather, she had tried not to pay it too much attention, but it had always caught the corner of her eye whenever she walked past it in the street, and she had always averted her gaze and purposefully not thought about going in and trying things on.

But now, things were different. Now, Belle was a different woman, and what better way to show the world that she had moved on and was discovering just what it was like to be truly free than by investing in new underwear that actually fitted properly. Not that the world was going to see her underwear any time soon, but they did always say that if you had nice underwear on then it gave you the confidence you needed to look good in your outerwear as well, and Belle needed all the confidence that she could get. The wires in the bra that she was wearing were digging in and she adjusted the straps as surreptitiously as she could. What was the statistic? Eighty per cent of women wore the wrong bra size and most of them didn’t even know it. Belle knew it, all right. She’d been wearing the wrong size ever since Gaston had started buying her underwear that was purposefully too small in order to make her breasts look bigger. Belle shook her head; that really ought to have been the first warning sign, but at the time she hadn’t really thought much about it despite Ariel’s pleas for her to just ditch the uncomfortable underwear and buy something that actually supported her breasts properly before she did herself an injury.

Still, she was well shot of Gaston now, at long last, and not a moment too soon. And the first thing to do to shake off his hold on her was to get some new underwear as fast as possible. That was where the shop came in.

Its name, Ariel had told her, was _Devilish_ , and it was the perfect place for someone like Belle, who needed a friendly, personal service. Considering that Belle had no idea what she was letting herself in for and had been standing outside the shop for the last ten minutes without going in, she thought that she needed more than friendly and personal and perhaps would have got on better with being knocked out cold and then given a makeover, that was probably about as good as she was going to get. In hindsight, she probably should have got Ariel to come with her, but in Belle’s mind, this was a rite of passage that she had to go through alone. She hadn’t been fitted for a bra since she was thirteen and her mother had been with her, and now, seventeen years later, she was going to take this first step towards a wonderful new life free of Gaston’s insidiousness on her own.

She took a deep breath and made to open the shop door, but then her courage failed her and she sagged with her hand still on the handle. It took three more deep breaths before she finally bolstered enough pluck to actually open the door, and she did so with such force that she practically fell inside. Picking herself up and dusting herself down, she hoped that no-one had seen her dramatic entry.

Luck was not on her side. Although there were no other customers in the shop, the assistant was standing behind the counter and looking at her with polite interest.

“Can I help you?” she asked.

Belle didn’t reply for a long while, just looking around the treasure trove of lingerie that she had stumbled into. If you wanted it, then _Devilish_ probably had it. She eyed the curtained off area at the back of the shop and decided that it would be best not to think about that for fear of having a heart attack, she was already nervous enough about her mission without adding anything else into the mix.

Finally, her eyes alighted on the sign that was pinned up to the wall behind the counter.

_If you would like to be fitted for a bra or measured for bespoke corsetry, don’t be shy, please ask! All our staff are fully trained and will help you find the perfect fit and style for your shape._

She turned to the assistant, a dark-haired girl with bright red streaks through her ponytail, her name badge reading Ruby L.

“I, erm, I’d like to be fitted for a bra please?” she squeaked.

Ruby smiled. “Of course. Follow me through to the fitting room and we’ll get started.”

It was all so easy and comparatively harmless, and Belle was beginning to think that perhaps she was being lulled into a false sense of security and there was something very wrong about the whole place, and someone behind that conspicuous curtain was getting ready to jump out and laugh at her. Ariel had told her a hundred times not to worry, that it was all going to be fine and _Devilish_ was the most woman-friendly underwear shop that there had ever been, she couldn’t help but feel the nerves.

Ruby pulled back the fitting room curtain and waved Belle inside.

“We measure by eye here,” she said. “Tape measures are all very well and good but nine times out of ten they don’t give an accurate fit. Are you wearing a bra at the moment?”

Belle nodded. “It doesn’t fit right, though.”

“That’s not a problem. I just want to see for myself where it doesn’t fit right. I’ll wait out here while you get your top off.”

The curtain drew back behind her, and Belle found herself staring at ornate mirrors on three sides. She dumped her handbag on the chair in the corner of the little cubicle and began peeling off the layers that she had become accustomed to hiding under, finally getting down to her bra and looking critically at the red lines that it was leaving on her skin. She hoped that Ruby wouldn’t say anything about them, or chastise her for having worn the wrong size for so long.

There was a soft tap on the wall beside the changing room.

“Are you ready?”

“As I’ll ever be,” Belle muttered to herself. Aloud, she just said: “Yes.”

Ruby poked her head around the curtain and then inserted herself fully.

“Yes, your band and cup size are both too small,” she said. “What are you currently wearing?”

“30A.”

“I’d say you were probably a 32C at least, possibly a D. Hang in there and I’ll get some sample sizes.”

With that she was gone again, and Belle was left looking at herself in the mirror once more. She eased the straps down off her shoulders and examined the red lines that they’d left.

“Try one of these.” A couple of plain beige bras were handed around the edge of the curtain. “It’s best to get your measurement in a non-moulded one first, then adjust for moulding if you want it. Give me a shout when you’re ready.”

Belle found the 32C and quickly put it on, avoiding looking in the mirror. When she did look up, she almost gasped out loud with the relief of it. Even though the fit wasn’t perfect, it felt so much better than the bra she’d entered the store in that she couldn’t think of anything that would feel better in that moment.

“Ok,” she called out to Ruby, who slipped into the cubicle. Immediately the assistant grinned broadly.

“That looks way better,” she said. “How do you feel?”

Belle nodded. “Great. Really great.”

“That’s good to hear. I’ll just adjust the straps for you if that’s ok, they’re a bit too long. I think we’ve hit the nail on the head there.” She shortened the straps with a practiced hand and smiled at Belle in the mirror. “Perfect fit. The edge of the cup is flat against your skin, you can slip a finger between your shoulder and the strap, and the band is flat and level all the way around. The gore wires are resting on your sternum and not digging in or hanging loose. That’s how a bra is supposed to fit.”

Up until that moment, Belle didn’t think that it was possible to get as emotional about underwear as she was doing, but right now she felt like hugging Ruby and never letting go.

“Thank you,” she said, horribly aware of how choked her voice sounded. Ruby took it all in her stride.

“It’s a big thing, isn’t it, when you get the right fit. I know, I didn’t even realise I was wearing the wrong size, it felt perfectly fine to me, but then I found the right size and oh boy, the difference was absolutely amazing. Anyway, now that you have the right fit, it’s time for the fun part. Now you get to pick something beautiful. Keep that one on if you want whilst you browse,” she added. “It’s horrible to have to put an ill-fitting one on again.”

Belle nodded gratefully and pulled her sweater on again over the bra, leaving her coat and other paraphernalia in the corner of the dressing room and just taking her purse with her. The shop held some truly lovely pieces, many of them outside of Belle’s price range, and for a while she just wandered around the place, taking it all in. Ariel had been right. Well, that was nothing new, Ariel was generally always right. She wandered over to a counter in the far corner near the curtain that she did not want to go through, where a neat leather binder was sitting beside a mannequin in a stunning purple silk corset.

_All our corsetry is hand-made to measure and no two pieces are the same. Please speak to a member of staff for more details, or feel free to browse our catalogue._

Belle moved away. She wasn’t going to be at the corset stage for a long while; it had taken her enough courage to come in for a bra.

“If you need any help deciding, just let me know,” Ruby said from her position behind the counter. “Do you have a particular colour or style in mind?”

“Blue,” Belle said without thinking. “Do you have anything in light blue?”

Gaston had liked her in black and red and dark colours, and Belle was trying to get as far away from his influence as possible. Blue had always been her favourite, so why not go for blue?

“Try these.” Ruby popped up out of nowhere with a handful of delicate confections in a couple of different shades of pale blue. “Give me a shout when you’ve found the one you want and I’ll come check the fit for you. Even though you know your size now, it’s best to try on every bra you buy as the different styles can make them fit slightly differently.”

Belle didn’t know how long she spent in the fitting room, trying all the samples that Ruby had given to her and scrutinising them all. She could hear the other woman busy with another customer in the front of the shop, and it took her a little while to peep out around the curtain once she was sure that she was alone again. Ruby waved and came over, slipping into the cubicle with her again and adjusting the straps.

“That’s a really lovely one, one of our bestsellers,” she said. “Blue’s definitely your colour. Whenever you’re ready, I’ll get it wrapped up for you. Or if you give me a moment I’ll cut the tag off and you can wear it out of here. I feel really bad making you put that one back on again when I saw how much it was hurting you.”

Belle looked down at the too-small black bra lying discarded on the floor of the cubicle. She never wanted to put it on again. Ruby returned with some scissors and neatly snipped the tag off. Belle looked up at her reflection in the dressing room mirror and she felt her lower lip begin to wobble again.

“Could you, erm, give me a moment?” she asked, trying not to show the quaver in her voice. Ruby smiled.

“Sure. Take your time. I’ll take the tag to the cash desk for you.”

As soon as she was left alone, Belle pressed her hands over her face, trying to physically hold back the tears, telling herself that she was being stupid, that it was only a bra for heaven’s sake, she shouldn’t be crying over a bra; that was just absurd. It was just that it was so long since she had felt this good about herself, had felt this attractive and desirable. Too many years of Gaston sneering at her ‘tiny tits’, and too many occasions of forcing herself into an uncomfortable push up to give him some cleavage, were all falling down on top of her now. She had broken free from that toxic influence but she couldn’t help it if the snide voice in the back of her mind that she had listened to for too long was still there, still needling her insecurities. This soft creation of ornate cotton and lace was more than just a bra. It was a weapon, reinstating her self-worth and cutting down Gaston’s residual presence. She was comfortable, God, that alone was worth crying with relief over. And she looked good. Belle finally brought her hands away from her face and looked at herself in the mirror. Ok, so she didn’t look quite so good now, with her face blotchy and tear-streaked and her eyes red-rimmed, but her décolletage looked good. She’d never liked to look in the mirror when she was in her underwear before, but now she couldn’t stop staring, and, apparently, couldn’t stop crying.

There was a soft tap on the wall. “Are you ok in there?” Ruby asked gently. A tissue was poked around the curtain and Belle took it gratefully.

“Yeah,” she said. “Yes. You must think I’m ridiculous, sobbing over a bra. It’s just… This is a such a big thing for me.”

“It’s ok, honey. I get it. I’d offer to take the old one off your hands and put it into our recycling scheme but it sounds like you need to take it home and burn it.”

Belle laughed in spite of herself and dried her eyes. They were happy tears, really. Well, perhaps not happy, but certainly not sad. Tears of sheer relief at finally being comfortable in her own underwear. Tears of anger that she’d spent so long being uncomfortable and made to feel undesirable. Tears of happiness at finally being able to take that step and own her life and her desirability and at last own nice underwear that looked good on her and she looked good in it.

She pulled the rest of her layers back on over the blue lace bra and left the fitting room; Ruby was waiting at the cash desk for her and rung up the tag.

“Feeling better?” she asked.

Belle nodded. “Much. Thank you so much. It was an… uplifting experience.”

As she paid, Belle could feel the smile spreading over her face. She couldn’t believe that such a simple thing had been able to lift her spirits and boost her confidence so much; it was amazing. Her life was beginning afresh, and this was just the first step.

“Would you like to be added to our catalogue mailing list?” Ruby asked.

Belle looked around the shop. There was so much in here that she wanted to buy, but to do so would have cost a small fortune. Ariel had warned her that the place wasn’t cheap, but that it was worth it for the experience.

Still. Getting a catalogue didn’t mean that she had to buy anything out of it, and she nodded, taking the card that Ruby handed to her to fill in for her address details

It was time to seize the day. A new Belle French was wakening, and she intended to enjoy every moment of this new lease of life.

X

“You know, it’s a bloody good job that I’ve got a spare bed that you can collapse into because there’s no way that you’ll be able to drive home tonight,” Ella observed as she picked up the rapidly emptying bottle of whisky from the coffee table between them and Gold held up his tumbler for a refill. He’d lost count of how many fingers he’d had and just lay back against the sofa, staring up at Ella’s living room ceiling with a sigh.

“You’d better sit up before you drink that,” she added. “I’ve only just had the upholstery cleaned and I won’t be best impressed if you spill my best Scotch over it.” She settled back in her luxurious leather recliner and took a sip of the amber spirit, savouring it like the connoisseur that Gold knew she was not. “What’s brought on this sudden mope?” she asked.

“I already told you,” Gold muttered, levering himself into a sitting position and beginning to drink. “I’m old.”

Ella rolled her eyes. “And why, precisely, have you come to this conclusion now? Besides, fifty is not old.”

There was silence for a while.

“In a few months I’m going to be a grandfather,” Gold said eventually. Ella’s eyes widened for a moment and she almost choked on her drink, but then composure returned.

“Well, pass on my congratulations to Neal and Emma. I knew it was only going to be a matter of time once he popped the question. Has this brought the wedding forward or pushed it back, do you think?”

“Considering that they’ve been engaged almost a year and haven’t set a date, I’d say the latter.” Gold groaned, rubbing his forehead where he was beginning to feel the effects of so much whisky. “I mean, I’d love to be a grandfather but the reality of it is a bit of a shock, you know? In my experience grandfathers have long grey beards and rocking chairs. I mean, I’ve already got the cane so I’m halfway there.”

Ella got up and came over to the sofa, perching on the arm by Gold’s head and carefully taking the whisky tumbler out of his hand.

“Aiden, do me a favour,” she said. He looked up at her blearily and Ella patted his shoulder. “Stop being morbid and get yourself a girlfriend.”

It was Gold’s turn to roll his eyes. “Getting a girlfriend is your answer to everything, Ella.”

“Well, it’s worked for me all these years. The only reason I don’t have one now is because I’m perfectly happy with my life thank you very much, and I don’t feel the need to relive my youth because another generation is coming.”

“Considering that you don’t have any children to start with you’re not going to have to worry about grandkids any time soon.” Gold gave up trying to get into a proper sitting position and just slumped on the sofa, kicking his shoes off and swinging his legs up onto it.

“Well, it looks like you’re sleeping down here then,” Ella said, tossing the afghan from the back of the sofa over him. He fished it off from over his head and glared at her, well, as much as he could glare with only one eye open as the room began to swim around him. Ella just chuckled. “You’re a Scotsman, Aiden, I thought that you could handle your drink?”

Gold just closed his eyes and shook his head vehemently, curling up in the blanket. Ella was a great friend, his best friend for as long as Gold could remember. They’d worked together for a while in the same mind-numbing legal practice until they both decided to get out and do what it was that they were most passionate about, and despite the vastly different fields that they had gone into, their friendship had never wavered. Gold had rekindled his love of photography and Ella had discovered a talent for underwear design. _Devilish_ now had four high end boutiques around the country and a booming online and mail order business.  The latest catalogue was about to be sent out and Gold thought that it was one of his better shoots. That Ella should come to him for her photography work was natural; he hadn’t even realised that she had intended to pay him for his trouble and that it was a professional working relationship – he would have happily done it as a favour, and Gold was not a man who gave out favours lightly. But for Carella de Ville, he would move heaven and earth. Mutual acquaintances often expressed private wonder that the two of them had not ended up romantically involved, but given that Gold had two ex-wives and Ella had never been overly interested in his half of the population, it really wasn’t all that surprising, and that, he thought, was what had enabled their friendship to stand the test of time.

Ella chuckled and planted a kiss on his forehead; he watched her through narrowed, sleepy eyes as she picked up the bottle of whisky and the used glasses and left the room. “Good night, Aiden. Sleep well, and don’t complain to me in the morning if various parts of your anatomy are stiff because you were too drunk to get to an actual bed.”

“Night, Ella.”

She turned the lights out as she went, and Gold was plunged into darkness, looking up at the ceiling and watching as the shape of the light fitting gradually became visible as his eyes became used to the gloom. Perhaps Ella had a point. During the years since his divorce from Cora, Gold had not really considered pursuing another relationship. He had worked on the principle that he was too old to try and get back into the dating game at his age, with an adult son – and now with a grandchild on the way as well. Not that Gold had ever really been in the dating game at any point during his life. His relationships with both his ex-wives had been somewhat sudden and intense, and neither of them had ended well, but there was no reason why it shouldn’t be third time lucky. Gold had never really thought of himself as a dating man, and he wasn’t likely to change his tune on that any time soon, but there was no harm in looking for a new partner to share his life with. Since Cora, he had been cautious, on his guard, especially since she had made it clear that she was interested not so much in him as in the power and wealth he wielded. Perhaps he had been too cautious, working on the principle that no partner at all was better than one who, ultimately, would lead to another broken heart. Gold had had his heart broken too many times to entrust it to someone else, but at the same time…

He was lonely. Now that Neal was grown up, with a fiancée and a family of his own, there was no-one for Gold to take care of anymore. He had no-one to devote his full time and attention; certainly he would be involved in his grandchild’s life when the time came but until that time came, he would just be an unwanted third wheel should he try and ingratiate himself into Neal and Emma’s lives too much. What he really wanted, and needed, was someone to share his own life with. It probably wasn’t going to be easy; Gold knew that. But it was not impossible. Ella would tell him that. Ella had overcome a lot of impossible during her career as the mastermind behind _Devilish_ , and it was not a word that featured in her vocabulary. The thing that she had always maintained was that things never just happened. If you wanted something, then the chances are that you had to go out and do something to bring it about. Lying on Ella’s sofa was not going to help him find love again. He was actually going to have to make an effort to find it for himself.

Not at that moment, obviously. At that moment, Gold was quite convinced that if he moved so much as an inch, he would fall off the sofa and land in a heap on the floor to be discovered and thoroughly laughed at by Ella in the morning. But once he’d sobered up a bit and come to terms with the fact that he was going to be a grandfather soon, and once he’d taken the couple of aspirin that he would no doubt need upon waking, he was going to go out there and start trying to make his future come about. He didn’t fancy the idea of online dating. He was no stranger to technology; as a photographer it was something that was constantly changing and updating and he needed to move with the times in order to get anywhere in life; but the idea of meeting strangers from the Internet sent a small shiver of panic down his side. He could ask Ella for some tips. And some help. She never had any trouble meeting people. She was constantly surrounded by women in her line of work. Maybe she could put a good word in for one of them. And, of course, this approach had the added advantage of Ella being able to vet all his possible girlfriends before he even met them.

Gold closed his eyes and gave a snort of laughter. Ella probably would not approve of that plan and would call him a coward, but in the end she would be happy to help him in one form or another. That was the way their friendship had always worked, despite all the snarking and teasing that they constantly exchanged. Yes, tomorrow he would swallow his pride and admit to Ella that yes, there was something missing in his life and it was love.

As he dropped off to sleep, a smile spread over Gold’s face. It was time to get back out there and move on from the failed relationships that had soured his experiences of love thus far. It was time to seize the day.

 


	2. Naughty and Nice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that the story's rating has gone up, this chapter is rated M.

**Devilish**

**Chapter Two - Naughty and Nice**

Belle had almost, but not quite, forgotten about signing up for the _Devilish_ catalogue mailing list when she found the thick brown envelope waiting for her in the mailbox. She had in no way forgotten her experience in the shop; and in hindsight was perhaps a little bit worried that she could never show her face there again after breaking down and crying in the fitting room. Now that she had a better idea of her actual size and how to check if her bras fitted for herself, she had been able to buy a few more practical ones within her price range, and her back and breasts were thanking her for her decision every day.

It was only the little devil horns and tail symbol in the corner of the envelope that gave the impression that it was anything other than something dry and sedate inside, and that was what reminded Belle just what it was that she had signed up for. She raced back inside, ripping eagerly through the envelope and making to open the catalogue straight away, but then she stopped. It was a thick catalogue, clearly comprehensive, and it deserved to be perused with the proper respect it commanded. To that end, she put it on the side until she’d finished everything else she needed to do that morning and made herself a cup of tea before curling up on the sofa with the catalogue.

The first thing that she noticed was that the catalogue was in two parts and that the cover gave no indication of what was inside, other than the single word _Naughty…_ in curlicued black letters on glossy red, and flipped over, _Or Nice…_  in pastel blue on white. Belle decided to go for that half first. She was still thinking about what could possibly have been behind the partitioned off area inside the shop and she didn’t think she was quite ready to dive into that just yet. She opened the cover and read the message inside from Carella de Ville, _Devilish_ ’s creator.

_Welcome to the Devilish summer catalogue. Here at Devilish we pride ourselves on creating real products for real women. None of our models or product testers are professionals, and the only touching up we use in our photographs is standard colour correction. We want to encourage every woman to be her best and natural self, and at Devilish, what you see is what you get. Enjoy the new collection! Ella x_

Belle flicked through the pages with awe. She had never seen a catalogue like this. There were thin women, fat women, women of all different skin colours and ages and women with all different sized breasts, women with c-section scars, women with visible body hair, women with no hair. There were entire sections devoted to products for pregnant and nursing mothers, for those who’d had mastectomies and reconstruction surgery, for trans women. Belle didn’t think that she’d ever seen such a glorious celebration of womanhood in all its many forms, and every single product was uniquely beautiful, every single woman looked comfortable and happy in her own skin. She could quite see why the company was so successful.

Once she had looked through all the glossy pictures of the many different colours and styles in the ‘nice’ section of the catalogue, she flipped it over to the ‘naughty’ section. It took her a little while to pluck up the courage to open it, but at least here she was in the comfort of her own home and not standing outside a shop in the street looking like a lemon. Ariel had tried to persuade her to buy something online to take care of her own pleasure when Gaston had proved consistently unable to do more than simply poke her ineffectively, but ultimately Belle had always chickened out at the last minute. Since she wasn’t going to have anyone poking her for the foreseeable future, Belle thought that it was perhaps time to remedy that and get something to enable quality encounters with someone who knew where the clitoris was. Namely, herself.

She felt he face getting redder and redder as she flicked through the pages of sex toys and accessories. Most of them had a thorough reader review from one of the product testers mentioned in Ella’s note at the beginning of the catalogue, and it was interesting to read about exactly how these things worked and more importantly how they felt when used. She had no idea how she was ever going to find the courage to actually buy one of the products, but at least she knew she’d be making an informed decision when the time came.

Reaching the end, something caught Belle’s eye, a note in the middle page between the two halves of the catalogue where all the important terms and conditions and ordering details were.

_As you know, we get real women to model and test all our products. If you’re interested in becoming one of our Little Devils –  a model or tester – or both! – please email_ [modelling@devilish.com](mailto:modelling@devilish.com) _and one of our team will get back to you with more information. We look forward to hearing from you!_

The faintest kernel of an idea began to form in the back of Belle’s mind, but she shook it away with a smile. No, she wasn’t ready for that just yet, however empowering the experience might be. She was empowered enough just from reading the catalogue and seeing all the pictures therein.

She scanned down the information page again and her eyes alighted on the photography credits, all to the same studio.

_Aiden Gold Photography_

Whoever Aiden Gold was, Belle thought, he was certainly a very good photographer, and given the amount of images in the catalogue, he had certainly hit upon a very lucrative career.

X

There was a polite tap on the studio door and Gold was grateful for the interruption, lowering his camera and going over to poke his head around the frame. It was Jefferson, as usual. It wasn’t likely to be anyone else, Jefferson was the only other person with access to the building and given that he was in the middle of a shooting session he wasn’t likely to be expecting random members of the public.

“Ella’s outside,” Jefferson said helpfully.

Gold rolled his eyes. Scratch that previous thought. There was one member of the public whom he could expect at random times when he was in the middle of doing something else. When it came to most business matters, Ella was shrewd and punctual but with Gold she was anything but, dropping in on him whenever she felt like it. At least she didn’t expect him to drop everything that he was doing and talk to her there and then, although in this particular case he really wouldn’t have minded if she wanted to do just that. His current client was worrying him.

“Tell her I’ll be with her in about twenty minutes, I’m just finishing up the last few shots here.”

Jefferson nodded and raised an eyebrow at Gold’s evidently somewhat harried expression. “Is there a reason you look like you’d rather be on a one-way ticket to Guam?”

Gold sighed and closed the studio door again, going back to his client, who was reclining on the chaise longue wearing a sultry smile and nothing else. Normally, Gold did not mind boudoir sessions. He’d seen so many women in their underwear whilst doing the work for Ella that he was pretty much immune to it, and it hadn’t taken long to get used to the sight of them not in their underwear either. He tended to just view the human body as he would view a picture or another piece of art. Beautiful, but ultimately distant, not something that stirred any kind of passionate emotion as long as he was looking through the lens of the camera. He really had Ella to thank for his increased popularity as a private boudoir photographer. He’d never advertised as such, but once he’d garnered a small amount of word of mouth fame from the _Devilish_ models, people had started seeking him out as a discreet and very respectful photographer who could delicately handle the most unorthodox of requests. Not a string to his bow that he had ever expected to add, but one that none the less paid the bills whenever there were no family portraits and no catalogues to shoot.

Unfortunately, there were always the clients who left him feeling somewhat uncomfortable being alone in the studio with them, and Miss Zelena West was one of those. The quicker he got her back into her clothes and out of the door the better, and if he could use Ella as an excuse then that would be the icing on the cake. The red-head was looking at him as if she wanted to eat him alive and he’d spent most of the shoot trying to get as far away from her as possible whilst still being able to photograph her with some degree of precision and professionalism. Gold was not usually one to question why his clients had chosen to have boudoir pictures taken. He assumed that it was either as a method of self-empowerment or to be a gift for a romantic partner, or a mixture of both. He really wasn’t sure where Zelena fitted on that scale. With every smouldering come hither glance she sent the camera, Gold felt like she was trying her best to perform some kind of siren call that would get him onto the couch with her. Thankfully she was failing, and he sidestepped neatly out of her way as she slipped past him towards the dressing room once he declared that the shoot was over. Perhaps he had rushed it a bit, but there would be more than enough pictures to choose from and he could always do a little post-production alteration to make up for any obvious slips. He was very grateful when he was able to usher Zelena out of the room and wave to Ella. She watched Zelena’s retreating back with a barely concealed grin and took a seat in Gold’s office.

“Not a fan?” she said lightly, and Gold shook his head with vigour. “Oh Aiden, what happened to carpe diem? I thought you were going to grab life by the balls and find yourself someone new. You definitely can’t deny that she’d be interested.”

“Forget carpe diem, that was more like carpe jugulum,” Gold muttered. “So, what did you want to see me about today, Ella?”

“New catalogue,” Ella said, taking out a few folders and spreading them out over Gold’s desk. “I’m hoping that we’re going to get a few new models in this time, some of the regulars aren’t coming back for various reasons.”

“Ella, the previous catalogue was only mailed out yesterday. I swear you start planning each catalogue earlier and earlier every year. Before you know it, we’ll be shooting the new catalogue before the current one has even had chance to be edited and put together. At least I know that even you can’t photograph new collections before you’ve even thought of them.”

“Well, you know, you’ve got to be prepared in this game.” Ella sat back. “But the new catalogue can wait for a little while. I want to know how, with the unfortunate red-head excepted, your romantic overtures are getting on.”

“Badly,” Gold said. Well, that was not entirely true. The romantic overtures were neither good nor bad because he hadn’t made any yet. Ella sighed theatrically.

“Am I going to have to set you up with an Internet dating profile to force you to meet women?” she asked. “I know that online dating has a bad rep but in my short-lived time there, I swear that not every person I met was a psychopath. Only about half of them. That’s pretty good odds, all things considered.”

Gold just raised an eyebrow. “No,” he said plainly. “Just let me do these things in my own time, Ella.”

“But you’re running out of time, that’s the problem! I know you, Aiden, and I know that you like to do things properly. I’m never going to be able to convince you to enjoy casual dating and things with no strings attached, but if you’re going to go for a proper relationship like you want, then you need to start somewhere.”

“I know that.” Gold sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He did want to find someone new, that wasn’t a problem, it was more the fact that it had been a long time since he’d started a relationship and he wasn’t exactly the best role model for them.

“Will you at least let me set you up on a few blind dates?” Ella wheedled. “I know at least three ex-girlfriends of mine who would be more than happy to have you with whom I am still on good terms. You remember Cara Mallory, yes?”

“Yes, I remember Mal. And no, I am not going to go out with her.”

“But you’d be wonderful together!”

“I really don’t think we would. She’s terrifying.”

“Nonsense, she’s a pussy cat. You just need to know how to handle her.”

Gold raised an eyebrow. “You know, Ella, I’m not even going to grace that with a response. Shall we get down to business? I have a clear schedule seven weeks from now if you want to pencil that in for the catalogue shoot; that gives you a chance to get some new models in.”

Ella sighed theatrically and took out her diary. “All right, all right, business as usual it is then. That week is fine, I’ll make sure everything’s ready. As it’s the autumn shoot I was thinking of a set dressed with some nice crunchy leaves and tree branches.”

“As long as we’re not outside,” Gold said. “I enjoy doing bikini shoots on the beach as much as the next person but that’s weather appropriate.”

“Oh God no,” Ella said, aghast. “We’re reputed for treating our models well, I don’t want any of them dying of frostbite after frolicking in the woods in their underwear, as artistic as it might look. We’re striving for realism here, not strange dryad fantasies. Not that your dryad fantasy themed photography doesn’t look beautiful, of course, but it’s not exactly the kind of look we were going for with _Devilish_.”

“You worry about set dressing, I’ll just turn up with the camera and lights and work my magic like I always do.”

Ella grinned and patted his hand. “I know I can count on you, darling. You’ve never let me down. I’m serious about you calling Mal though. I happen to know that she’s single right now.”

“No, Ella. If I’m going to go out with anyone, then it’s going to be someone of my own choosing.”

“Well, you need to choose someone then.” Ella got up to leave, handing Gold the stock photographs of the newest items in the collection that would be featured in her autumn catalogue so that he could decide best how to light them and how to pose the models that would be wearing them. “I’ll let you make all the moves, but I’m always willing to help a friend find love.”

For all Ella’s manner had been teasing throughout their conversation, her words and expression were in earnest, and Gold knew that she had his best interests at heart even if her way of achieving them differed vastly from his. He saw her out of the door, catching Jefferson’s eye as he did so.

“So, I take it that you’ll be turning down Miss West if she calls again?” he asked mildly. “I can’t help admiring her exuberance.”

“As long as she pays me I think I can withstand pretty much anything, but I might have to carry a stick to beat her off with if she comes back. Or one of those little water spritzers that they use to train unruly pets in heat. That should take the edge off her ardour a bit.”

Jefferson laughed. “She’s certainly determined, I’ll give her that much. I’ll handle her when she comes in to collect the photos, if you want.”

Since Jefferson was a jobbing actor who could turn his hand to anything and had as forceful and irreverent a personality as Ella had, Gold would have been very interested to see such a confrontation. He wasn’t sure what it was about him that attracted people like Ella and Jefferson, but he was always grateful for their friendship. Ella did have a point; for all he had said that he was going to get out there and try and make something of his romantic life, he wasn’t really doing all that much to help himself. Gold had never really been a big believer in fate, but there was still something in the back of his mind telling him that the right person was out there and if he waited long enough, then their paths would cross. Ella would laugh at the notion and tell him that relationships didn’t just fall out of the sky like that, that people had to make their own luck and their own happiness sometimes.

Still, Gold had faith that something good would come his way soon.

X

“You’ve got the new catalogue I see.” Ariel was practically bouncing up and down in excitement as she came into Belle’s apartment and spotted the catalogue sitting on the coffee table. “Have you gone through and earmarked all the pages that you like the look of? Let me guess, you haven’t been brave enough to look through the ‘naughty’ section yet.

“I have!” Belle said indignantly. “I might not have looked through it in much detail, but I have looked through it!”

“Well, today we’re going to attempt to find you something to keep you company in the bedroom slightly better than the previous prick, so buckle up, because I’m taking no prisoners.” Ariel plopped down onto the sofa and patted the space beside her, taking up the catalogue and opening it straight to the page of vibrators. Belle rolled her eyes but dutifully sat down and listened to Ariel’s sales pitches on the various items, somewhat mystified by some of the terms that she was using but nonetheless grateful for guidance in this terrifying world. Underwear was a different matter; that was something that she’d needed to do alone for her own piece of mind, taking the first step in a journey of self-discovery. That was what she thought of her current little mission as; learning who she really was after so long being defined by Gaston. But the world of sex toys was a little different and in there she needed an experienced tour guide to help her along.

Of course, there was one thing that Ariel probably ought to know that Belle had never told her, something that might prove to be important when it came to making all important decisions regarding electronically assisted pleasure. It was no secret between the two of them that Gaston had not been the world’s most satisfying lover, but whilst Ariel had accepted that her best friend’s ex had never got her off, what she had not been told was that Belle had never actually had an orgasm at all, be it solo or with a partner. Belle thought that perhaps this was vital information that she really ought to impart, but at the same time, something kept stopping her. Ariel was her best friend and they had shared almost every detail of their intimate lives over the past few years, but there was something about the fact that she’d never even managed to touch _herself_ successfully, let alone have someone else do it, that left Belle feeling a little ashamed, inadequate. It wasn’t for want of trying, she thought bitterly. There was just some little thing in her mind that kept stopping her just when she was trying to get into the moment. Whilst she had been with Gaston, she was pretty sure that it was some weird sense of guilt that had kept her from masturbating, thinking that she shouldn’t need her own fingers when she had a man in her bed. But even since their split, her attempts at intimate exploration had just been a series of false starts.

“Belle?” Ariel was looking at her with her head on one side, her face concerned. “Are you all right? You look completely spaced out. Have you been listening to a word I’ve said for the past ten minutes?”

“Erm…”

“I’ll take that as a no.” Ariel shuffled closer on the sofa and nudged her friend’s shoulder with hers. “What’s up?”

“I don’t know. I just don’t know what to do with myself. It’s all so new and I don’t even know where to begin. I just think that maybe this isn’t for me.”

“Pleasure is for everyone,” Ariel said blithely. “Come on, Belle. I know Gaston said some pretty awful things whilst he was around, but he’s not around anymore and you’ve already come out from his shadow so beautifully. This is something that you ought to embrace. But if you’re not ready then we’ll leave it. What kind of sets are you saving up for now?”

Ariel flicked back through the catalogue and it landed open at the folded down centre page where the modelling information was. Belle tried to grab the catalogue away from Ariel, but it was too late.

“Ariel, please, just forget it…”

“No, Belle, I think this is great. Are you really considering it?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know. It’s a ridiculous idea, just a spur of the moment thing. I mean, can you imagine me posing in my underwear?”

“Yes.”

Belle had to double take at the calm statement. “What?”

“I think you’d be great as a _Devilish_ model,” Ariel said.

“Ariel, really…”

“Really. You’re just as lovely as any of the other women in here, and I can’t think of anything that could give you more confidence in your own skin than standing up and saying ‘this is me, I am a woman and I have the right to wear great underwear and feel good about myself in it’.”

Belle nodded. “When you put it like that, it is sort of tempting.”

“I mean, you did mark the page,” Ariel said shrewdly. “So you were definitely thinking about it.” She scanned down the page and quirked an eyebrow. “Any reason why you’ve highlighted the photography studio?”

“I just wanted to check it out, see what I can find out about it.”

“Well, no time like the present.” Ariel whipped out her phone and opened the browser, typing in the address with practiced fingers and tapping the arm of the sofa impatiently as she waited for it to load. “Here we are. Aiden Gold Photography. Seems innocuous enough.”

Belle peered over her shoulder; the front page of the website was mainly artistic black and white landscape photography; the lighting giving everything an eerie, otherworldly feel. She began to flick through some of the galleries, alternating between magical landscapes and beautifully composed portraits with some scenes straight out of a fantasy movie muddled in. Belle wasn’t sure why she was so glad that all the people in the pictures were fully clothed; something in the back of her mind had expected to see nudity. It would have fitted, especially in the more ethereal shots, and she was pleased that the photographer had felt that there was nothing to be added from taking the models’ clothes off.

There was very little information about the man himself, just contact details and the address of his studio, which was comparatively local, much to Belle’s surprise.

“So, are you going to do it?” Ariel asked. “Now that you’ve looked the guy up and seen that he doesn’t appear to be a weirdo?”

“I don’t know.” Belle handed the phone back to her friend and sat back on the sofa, thumbing the edges of the catalogue. “It feels like a big leap, but at the same time I think that a big leap might be what I need to really kick start this new life.”

“I don’t think it would hurt,” Ariel said. “You don’t have to have a complete personality one-eighty overnight; in fact I would be worried if you did. You don’t have to change who you are at all, you did enough of that when you were still with Gaston. I think that this is more about finding out who you really are when it comes down to it, rather than letting yourself be defined by someone else’s expectations of you. It’s a new experience, another string to add to your bow. Another chapter of your story, if you will.”

Belle had to snort with laughter at the analogy; Ariel had long since come to the conclusion that the best way to get through to a librarian was to use copious amounts of book metaphors. Belle didn’t know if it was a point in her favour that most of the time, these metaphors worked.

“And if you don’t enjoy it, then you don’t have to do it again,” Ariel said. “But you never know. You might suddenly find your niche.”

“In underwear modelling? Unlikely, but I appreciate your faith in me.”

“I have complete faith in you. Just give me a call if you want any moral support. I don’t mind signing up as well if you want to have a friendly face there. It could be a fun girls’ day out, unless you think that this is something you want to do on your own.”

“I don’t know. I don’t even know if I’m going to do it, let alone whether I’ll want moral support or I’ll see it more as a rite of passage to go through alone. On the one hand, this is my own journey. On the other, it’s still kind of scary.”

“Well, I’ll let you think about it. For now, let’s turn our attention to the real reason we’re here.” She opened the catalogue again on the first page of sex toys. “Now, are you going to space out on me again or are you going to concentrate?”

Belle felt heat suffuse her face as she was reminded of her previous train of thought.

“No, no, I’m here. I won’t space out on you. We can get this stuff by mail order, right? Buying underwear in a shop is one thing but this is quite another.”

Ariel laughed. “Of course. Now, let’s see what’s best for a beginner…”

 


	3. When You're Ready

**Devilish**

**Chapter Three – When You’re Ready**

If there was one thing that Belle could say for _Devilish_ , it was that everything about it was discreet. The head office building that she was currently sitting outside looked like any ordinary office building, with just the devil horns decal to show that she was in the right place. She glanced over at Ariel in the driver’s seat of the car; her friend gave her an encouraging smile which Belle could not bring herself to return, and she worried her bottom lip between her teeth. For all she had been looking forward to this experience, now that she was actually here and about to do it, she was having second thoughts.

“Is this the part where you expect me to talk you out of doing this?” Ariel asked, her encouraging smile becoming a cheeky grin before Belle’s eyes. “Because it’s not going to happen. I think you’re doing a great thing, and if this doesn’t get rid of all those horrible negative thoughts that Gaston’s shoved into your head, then I don’t know what will.”

“I don’t know, Ariel. I mean, what if I make a complete fool of myself in front of everyone else?”

“Well, everyone else is an amateur like you, so I don’t think you’ve got anything to worry about in that respect. And the photographer’s probably a nice guy otherwise they wouldn’t have kept him around for however many catalogues they’ve had. You’ll be fine. Just go in there and enjoy it. Make some friends. Hey, you never know, there might be someone you recognise in there. And at the end of the day, just think of the free samples that you’re going to get to take home with you afterwards.”

Belle nodded. That was one thing that was keeping her going, the thought that she’d get a few lovely _Devilish_ pieces out of this. She took a deep breath and got out of the car, clutching all the paperwork that she’d printed out over the last couple of weeks. It was almost like being back in the street outside the shop again, except this time there were no window displays to show the public exactly what kind of a place she was entering.

“Get inside!” Ariel yelled from the car through the open window, and Belle hurried into the building before her friend could cause any more of a spectacle outside.

It was a small office space, no reception desk to speak of, and Belle found herself alone in the little lobby, wondering where on earth to go now and what she was going to do with herself, but she didn’t have long to wait before the quick clicking of high heels came down a corridor and Belle found herself face to face with Carella de Ville herself. Although she’d seen pictures of _Devilish’_ s founder in the catalogue, meeting her in the flesh was another thing entirely. The photograph didn’t really do justice to quite how terrifying she was, dressed completely in stark monochrome down to her two-tone hair. Luckily, she was smiling, but Belle thought that if she was ever angry, then she would be spectacular to behold and everyone who witnessed her would probably run for cover. Hopefully she would stay smiling throughout the day. She took the paperwork from Belle’s unresisting hands and flicked through it.

“Hello there, you must be Belle. Welcome to the office. It’s not the swankiest of places, although not for want of trying, but do make yourself at home. If you’d like to follow me, I’ll get you settled in.”

Powerless to resist, Belle just nodded and trotted along after Ella into what she assumed was the break room. Several other women were already there, sitting in groups and chatting to each other, there were several sofas and chairs set up and a refreshments table in one corner. It was clear that they already knew each other, and Belle felt a lot like the odd one out.

“Hey, Belle!”

She was startled on hearing her own name from one corner of the room and even more startled when she glanced over and saw Ruby from the shop waving her over. However alarmed she was at finding someone she knew there despite her private ridicule of Ariel’s optimism, she was grateful to see a friendly face and made her way over to the group that Ruby was sitting with, waving awkwardly. Ruby took it all in her stride and made quick introductions to the other women, whose names Belle almost immediately forgot apart from Mary Margaret, who was bouncing a baby on her lap.

“So, first time huh?” Ruby said. “You’ll be fine. It’s a piece of cake, Gold makes it really easy for you. All you have to do is smile and have confidence.”

“Yes…” Belle shook her head. “That’s the part I’m having trouble with.”

“Well, you’re here,” Ruby said. “That’s a step in the right direction. It’s a bit too late to back out now. But everything will be all right, I promise. This is my second time doing the catalogue and I remember how it feels the first time. You feel like everyone’s looking at you, but they’re not really. I mean, it’s not like you’re the only one in your underwear. No-one’s going to laugh at you.”

“You weren’t around for the last Christmas shoot, were you Ruby?” said one of the other women – Kathryn, Belle remembered. “Because it was the big Christmas special Gold had to bring in his assistant who promptly intended to spend the entire day in just his boxers in order to try and put the ladies at ease. Gold made him get dressed again in the end, he said he was a distraction.”

“Do you think we could get Gold to strip down one of these days?” Ruby mused. “I mean, not that he doesn’t look great in his suits, but you know… You get curious.”

Kathryn shook her head with a laugh. “Ruby, you know what we all say about him.”

“I know, I know. Doesn’t stop me wondering though.”

“What do you all say about him?” Belle asked, but before she could get an answer, the door had opened and someone who could only have been the man himself peered around it, scanning the room. Momentarily his eyes widened, and Belle thought she could make out the words ‘oh good lord’ from his lips, but since he wasn’t looking at her, she felt safe in the knowledge that he wasn’t going to turn her away out of hand. Not that such a thing was likely to happen anyway – the last couple of weeks had been a constant back and forth between Belle and one of Ella’s assistants explaining how the shooting process would work, and he would have already seen pictures of her.

He vanished as quickly as he had arrived in the room, and then Ella and her assistant (the same one who’d been emailing her, Belle noted) started organising things with an ease that showed this was definitely not the first time they’d done it, and whilst none of the women were professionals, the people in charge certainly were. It was interesting that there were so many women there who had been to a catalogue shoot before – it showed that they were treated well at least and had enjoyed the experience enough to return. All the same, Belle had hoped that there would be another first-timer whom she could buddy up with. Well, she had Ruby and would stick by her side as much as she could. Hopefully the other woman wouldn’t mind.

Fate, however, was not on her side, as Ruby had come to model some of the more risqué pieces from the ‘naughty’ end of the catalogue and was whisked off for fittings, and Belle was left adrift, so she settled for just listening in to the others’ conversations as people came in and out for make-up and fittings. Finally it was her turn, and Astrid the ever-smiling assistant led her away into a little fitting cubicle.

“All right, we’ve laid out a few pieces in your size,” she said. “Take a look and see what takes your fancy, we’ll make sure it fits nicely and then we’re good to go. I know it’s your first time so we’ll take it slow; no need to be scared.”

Belle settled on a set in rich turquoise silk, a full cup bra and French knickers. She might be modelling for an underwear catalogue but that didn’t mean that she couldn’t still want good coverage. Astrid proclaimed the fit to be perfect and Belle gratefully donned the dark robe hanging in the cubicle before following Astrid out into the space that was being used as a studio.

“Ella likes to keep a certain amount of control over things,” Astrid explained, “which is why everything’s done here rather than in Gold’s studio. He always works wonders with the space, you’d never guess that this was an office during the week.”

Gold was halfway up a stepladder adjusting a light fitting as Belle entered, and she stood there awkwardly for a moment waiting for him to finish and taking a good look at him.

Although she’d spent more than enough time on Gold’s website in the run up to sending in her application, none of the photos in his online portfolio were of himself, and the snippets of conversation that she’d picked up from the other ladies in the break room hadn’t really given her an idea of what he was like. The brief glimpse she’d seen of him earlier had not done him justice.

He was older than she’d anticipated, but that didn’t bother her. In fact it was reassuring; although she’d had several assurances from various sources that he was always the picture of professionalism, she didn’t think that seeing someone in Gaston’s age range would have done anything to boost her confidence. Aiden Gold looked to be in his early fifties; there were the odd tell-tale lines of grey in his collar length hair lending him an air of distinguished gravitas. Presently he glanced down at her and smiled.

“I’ll be with you in a minute. Just need to fix this in case it falls on your head. Take a seat and make yourself comfortable.”

The low Scottish brogue surprised her and Belle did as bid, settling in the armchair in the middle of the makeshift studio and watching Gold on his stepladder. He was wearing what had evidently at one point been a three-piece suit, but the jacket and tie had been discarded in one corner and his shirt was open at the collar, making him look stylishly dishevelled. She’d never known any man dress so sharply in his everyday work and she wondered if he wore a suit as a matter of course when he was photographing people or whether it was something special for the _Devilish_ catalogue. She didn’t think that it would give him all that much freedom of movement to give him the best angles and shots that he needed.

“So, you’re a first timer,” he said. “Don’t worry, we’ll talk you through it all. There’s nothing to worry about, just be natural. That’s the whole point.” He made a final adjustment to the light and descended the ladder. “There, that should do it. I’ll introduce myself properly now. Aiden Gold, photographer. Pleased to meet you.”

“Belle French. It’s nice to meet you too.”

His hand was warm and soft when she shook it, his grip firm and confident, and Belle felt a little more at ease. She’d never really trusted people who had handshakes like limp fish.

“Well, Belle, the main thing is to enjoy the experience, and don’t worry about it looking perfect. You’re not a professional, none of the ladies are, and we don’t expect you to act and pose like one. Just as long as you’re comfortable, we’ll go from there. If you just smile for the camera then I’ll take a couple of test shots to check the lighting.”

Belle smiled, and found that it was remarkably easy to do so. Gold’s camera clicked a few times and she saw the satisfied smile he gave as he looked back through the pictures.

“Lovely. You’re a natural, you know. Now, let’s work out a nice position for you, something that you feel comfortable in. What do you normally do to relax? If you were at home on your own sofa in an evening, what kind of a position would you sit in?”

Somewhat self-conscious, Belle brought her feet up and tucked them underneath her, lounging against the chair back in as close an approximation of her cosy reading nook at home as she could.

“I like to read,” she said. “Get lost in a good book.”

“Perfect. I think I have just the thing.” He sped away to the side of the room and returned with a paperback from a large duffel bag. “Always pays to have props, especially for first-timers. This way, you don’t need to worry about looking at the camera and having it look back at you. I think I’ve got another in there if that one’s not to your taste.”

Belle glanced down at the cover, it was _Watership Down_ and she couldn’t help but giggle that Gold should have brought a book about bunnies to the photoshoot with him. “No, this one will do fine.”

“Perfect. Now, if you take your robe off, I’ll get to work.”

The old unease came back into Belle’s mind as she unfastened the robe and slipped it off her shoulders; the room was warm from the lights and the space heaters in the corner, but she still felt goose pimples break out over her arms as she disrobed. Gold had politely looked away as she took it off and settled herself with the book, but now he turned back and smiled.

“That’s beautiful,” he said. “Now, I’ll be taking the pictures from directly in front of you here.” He planted himself in front of the chair, bending a little to get the right angle. “You can look at the book or at me, or off into the middle distance if you want. Just keep the book in your lap rather than holding it up – ultimately it’s the bra that’s going into the catalogue, not the book, although it’s one of my favourites and I certainly don’t mind advertising it.”

Belle had to laugh. “I don’t think I’d have put you down as the bunny book type.”

“Oh, you’d be surprised by some people’s foibles when it comes to reading material.” Gold gave a chuckle of his own.

“Believe me, I know all about reading material foibles. I’m a librarian when I’m not looking like a deer in the headlights.”

“I can promise you that you’re not looking like a deer in the headlights,” Gold said, and the camera took Belle by surprise when it clicked.

“Wait, no, I wasn’t ready!” Belle exclaimed.

“Oh no, you were looking absolutely perfect.” Gold grinned. “I had to capture the moment, it was wonderful. You looked so happy and natural.” He held out the camera. “You can see for yourself if you don’t believe me.”

“I’ll take your word for it.” There was something in his caring, open manner that made Belle trust him, perhaps more than she would have done otherwise. “You know,” she said, “you’re not how I imagined you’d be.”

The corner of Gold’s mouth quirked up in a smile. “Sorry to disappoint.”

“No, no, it’s good. I was kind of worried that you’d be, oh, I don’t know how to describe it. Scarily professional, I guess.”

“Well, I try to be professional. I don’t intend to be scary although my Ella has more than once accused me of having resting bitch face. I try and only be scary when I want to be, and I have no desire to scare you. Others, perhaps, but not you. Now, let me take a couple more shots and then you can wrap up again. You’re doing really well, I promise. It’ll be a piece of cake.”

The fact that everyone else around her seemed to have so much confidence in her ability to pull this off boosted Belle’s own confidence, and she closed the book in her lap, smiling for the camera. Her goose pimples had gone, and she was feeling unusually warm. Was it the attention she was receiving from Gold making her feel this way? It was nothing special, surely, he must act this way with all the models; perhaps paying her a little more attention because she was new. Either way, although she was nervous, she was feeling good as Gold snapped a couple more pictures.

“That’s very good. You can wrap up again now and change into something else for the afternoon session.”

“Afternoon session?”

“Yes. There are more products than models so we have to double up.” Gold winked at her. “And since you’ve sat so well, I’d like you to model again, if you’re amenable to that.”

Belle slipped the robe on thankfully and pulled it tight. She was horribly aware of the heat rising in her cheeks, a mixture of embarrassment and disbelief that she’d actually managed to go through with this venture. Eventually she nodded.

“Yes. I’d like that.”

“Would you like to see?” Gold asked, holding up the camera as she turned to leave the room. Belle paused, tempted, but ultimately she decided against it.

“No, thanks. I’ll wait for the catalogue.”

“As you wish, Belle. I’ll see you again later.”

Belle nodded, finding that against all the odds, she was very much looking forward to the experience.

X

“I wonder what her game is.”

It was the lunch break and most of the ladies were milling about in their robes in the main room designated as the waiting area.

Mary Margaret had been the one to speak and Belle glanced over at her; she nodded in the direction of the doorway before turning her attention back to baby Leo, who was nursing happily. Belle followed her gaze to see a red-headed woman chatting to Gold. Well, chatting to him didn’t seem to be the right word to use in the circumstances. She was talking at him and he didn’t seem to be showing the blindest bit of interest in what she was saying. His arms were folded, defensive, a posture that didn’t take any nonsense as she leaned in, obviously posing. Most of the ladies opted to cover up in the time between shoots for warmth if nothing else, but this woman was definitely making the most of what she had.

“She’s not going to get very far if she’s trying to score with him.” Kathryn came over and sat down beside them, watching the interplay with morbid interest. “You know what they say.”

“What do they say?” Belle asked.

“I forgot, this is your first time.” Kathryn nodded towards Gold. “We’re pretty sure he’s gay.”

“Oh.” Although Belle had not seriously been considering making an attempt with Gold like the other woman was doing, she had certainly found him attractive and would have flirted with him given the opportunity, confidence, and correct situation, namely one in which she was not doing an underwear catalogue photoshoot and he was not the one photographing her. He’d been so warm and friendly towards her in the studio whilst they were working, but true enough, there had been nothing there that really indicated that he had any kind of interest in her beyond a professional one.

“We’ve got no proof,” Mary Margaret admitted. “But considering he’s been doing these photoshoots since the very beginning and no-one’s ever known him ever make a pass at any of the ladies or even show any kind of interest in them.”

“No-one’s ever known him do the elevator eyes thing,” Kathryn added. “Or address breasts instead of face. It’s like he just doesn’t see anything below the chin. Always the perfect gentleman. I mean, Ella would probably bury him alive if he tried anything on any of her models, but all the same, given my experience of heterosexual men, I’m not sure that I’d put him into that category.”

“And there’s his assistant,” Mary Margaret said.

“What, the one who was working in his boxers?” Belle asked.

“Yes. I mean, it’s obvious that the two of them are very close, and Jefferson definitely gives off more of a gay vibe. Gold’s one of those people where you can never really tell what he’s thinking. He’s hard to read.”

“Which is what makes him so deliciously mysterious.” Ruby came over; she was enveloped in a robe like the rest of them but she was wearing patent leather high heels and long shiny gloves that disappeared into the sleeves, hinting that what was underneath the robe was a lot less innocent than the things that the other ladies were wearing.

“I thought you had a girlfriend, Ruby?” Kathryn said.

“I do. Doesn’t mean I can’t look.” She winked and turned to Belle. “How are you getting on? Enjoying yourself?”

Belle nodded. “Yes. It’s been a lot easier than I thought it would.”

“Well, it looks like you’ll be up again soon, so here’s hoping that it just gets easier. It does get easier, the more you do it the more you get used to it. You’ll be great. Gold wouldn’t get you in there twice if he didn’t think that you were any good.”

Sure enough, Belle was being waved back through to the area set up as the studio. Gold was already there; he still had half a sandwich in his mouth and seemed to be a lot more animated than he had been during the morning; there was a thrumming energy in his movements, unlike the quiet patience that he had shown earlier. Despite the more dynamic cant to him, though, Belle did not feel at all rushed or pressured as she came in and looked around for somewhere to sit or stand without looking awkward. He smiled when he saw her, and Belle took that to be a good sign.

“Hello again. Please don’t be put off by the increased pace; we have more than enough time to take your time.”

“Thanks.”

“If you’re ok with it, I’d like to get some full-length shots of you standing this time,” Gold said. “If you’d like to step over here into the light?”

Belle came over, unfastening her robe as she did so but not taking it off. This time she had chosen pink, a light satin teddy with delicate lace edgings, something soft and feminine and incredibly pretty, but still with enough coverage for her to feel comfortable in it.

“Does it look ok?” she asked. For some reason his approval was important to her; Ruby’s words earlier about him thinking that she was a good model had struck a chord somewhere in the back of her mind.

Gold nodded. “You look lovely. Let me just adjust the reflectors and we’ll be good to go. Could you pop the robe off please? I know how fabric reflects light and I don’t want it accidentally going see-through in the final picture.”

Belle felt the blush return to her face at the thought, and she crossed her arms over her chest a little protectively as she draped the robe over the back of the chair she’d been sitting in earlier, partly out of a fear of her underwear becoming see-through but mostly because her nipples had hardened and were incredibly visible. With any luck she would be able to put it down to the temperature in the room. She hadn’t had this problem in the morning; the bra she’d chosen was lightly moulded and had hidden such things.

She shook herself crossly. Gold was a professional and he’d been doing this for years, he must have seen more pebbled nipples than hers. In fact, given some of the things in the ‘naughty’ section of the catalogue, he must definitely have seen more nipples than hers, including ones that weren’t covered in pink silk. And if Mary Margaret and Kathryn were to be believed, then he wasn’t interested in her nipples anyway. All the same, she tried to rub her breasts surreptitiously to try and solve the problem.

“All right, I’m ready whenever you are,” Gold said, having moved the reflectors and picked up his camera again.

He let her set the pace, didn’t pressure her to move her hands away from her breasts, to pose in this way or that. He wanted her to be natural, just like in the morning, and Belle felt a fresh wave of admiration for this man and his artistic talents.

“All right,” she said, and she uncrossed her arms from over her chest. As she had expected, Gold didn’t react at all, and she felt an inordinate sense of relief from that fact. “I’m ready.”

X

 “Good day?”

Gold looked up as Ella came across the office with a can of pre-mixed gin and tonic in each hand, and he smiled, reaching out for one. She pulled both out of his reach. “Oh no, these are both for me. You know that the cans never make it quite as strong as I like; I’ll need both in order to get the same effect.”

Gold just rolled his eyes and continued to flick through the pictures that he’d taken throughout the day. Ella eventually relented and passed him one of the cans, which he cracked open and chinked against hers. “Cheers. Here’s to a successful autumn catalogue.”

“Of course. I know that I can trust you to work your usual magic. Any good finds? How did you get on with the newbies?”

“Uff.” Gold grimaced and closed the laptop that he was viewing the pictures on. “If Zelena West asks to come back for a second catalogue, you’re going to have to find some way of politely declining. I’m beginning to worry that she might be stalking me. It’s a good job I don’t have a pet rabbit or I’d fear coming home tonight and finding it on the stove.”

“Ah yes, I thought she looked familiar. She was that rather voracious one who was at the studio a couple of months ago, wasn’t she? She looked like she was about to eat you alive then. But you survived this encounter at least.”

“Yes. At least this time she actually had a few clothes on, which is better than at the studio. I’ve been doing catalogue and boudoir shoots for longer than I care to remember but I’ve never felt quite as uncomfortable as I did with her. I swear that she was trying to get it to border on pornography.”

“Well, if she calls back wanting another catalogue opportunity then I’ll suggest that to her as a secondary career.”

Gold couldn’t help laughing; no matter what trials and tribulations he might have gone through during the day, Ella could always be counted upon to make him smile when it came down to it.

“What about the others?” she pressed. “We didn’t have all that many newcomers this season, I’m a bit disappointed. Not that our regular ladies aren’t lovely, but part of the appeal of _Devilish_ is that anyone can model for us, so I’d hoped that we’d get a bit more turnaround.”

Gold opened the laptop and hastily closed down Zelena’s photos, instead bringing up the ones that he had taken of Belle.

“Belle’s good,” he said, gazing at that first snap that he had taken of her somewhat unawares, curled up in the armchair with her book. “She was nervous, obviously, but she had a nice natural quality to her. I enjoyed the time I spent with her.”

Ella peered over his shoulder at Belle’s photos. “Yes, she’s a natural,” Ella agreed. “With just a little more confidence she could definitely model for us again.” Her smile turned a little sly and Gold raised an eyebrow, a little worried by her intentions.

“I don’t like that expression on you, Ella. It makes me seriously considering running full tilt in the opposite direction from whatever it is that you have in mind.”

“I am a paragon of innocence!” Ella protested. “But what I will say is that she’s very beautiful, and I’ve known you long enough to know that you think she’s very beautiful too.”

Gold sighed. There was no use trying to deny it, not with Ella, who could see straight through any kind of mask he tried to put on.

“Yes,” he said. “She’s very beautiful.”

“So…” Ella’s grin was nearing Cheshire Cat proportions. “Remember that we’ve been talking about carpe diem for weeks and you’ve still not actually gone out and done anything about it?”

“Yes, there’s no need to remind me, but this is hardly the correct circumstance for such a thing.”

“Why not? You think she’s beautiful and you enjoyed the time you spent with her. Surely that’s a pre-curser to wanting to spend more time with her, possibly in a romantic way.”

“Ella, I can’t. It would be incredibly unethical. I’m a photographer and she’s a model. Not even a professional one. There’s a level of trust there that can’t be broken and I’m not going to go against that rule just because you think I need to get laid.”

“You do need to get laid, but that’s not what I was suggesting,” Ella said. She sighed and patted his hand, draining the rest of her gin and tonic. “I can totally understand where you’re coming from and please don’t think that I’m not worshipfully grateful for the highly professional relationship that you’ve maintained with all my models since we started doing the catalogue. You have been a pleasure to work with and I know that you’ll continue just to do more of the same. But I’m not encouraging you to take advantage of the photographer and model relationship. I’m encouraging you to see her as a person beyond the camera and maybe build up a person to person relationship with her.”

Gold sighed, scrolling through Belle’s photos again. He could see the gradual release of tension in her frame and as he looked through the progression of pictures, from the turquoise set to the pink, he could see her begin to enjoy herself, to let go of her inhibitions and celebrate being who she was. She had been a joy to work with, but that was no guarantee that she would want to spend any time with him outside of the studio. He knew nothing about her; she might already be in a relationship.

The optimistic part of his brain that so rarely saw the light of day reminded him that if he never tried, he would never get anywhere, and if he didn’t make a move and ask her out, then he would never know if she was available or interested. He wouldn’t lose anything if he asked, but he definitely wouldn’t gain anything if he didn’t.

“I don’t know anything about her,” he protested.

“Well, I didn’t know anything about you when we first met, but we made the effort to get to know each other and now look where we are.”

“Drinking canned gin and tonic in an empty office looking at pictures of women in their underwear,” Gold said dryly.

“Precisely. I’d call that a good place to be, personally. Of course you don’t know anything about her, you’ve spent all of an hour with her. Why don’t you take the chance to learn something about her?”

“I’ve got no way of getting in touch with her without getting her contact details from you, and that would be creepy,” Gold said.

“Ok, good point, well made. I’ll give you that one. But I can tell you that she’s local, so you never know. You might bump into her in the post office. And we can always hope that she’ll come back for the next catalogue. At which point you can ask her for her contact details yourself.”

“At which point we’re back to being model and photographer and such a thing is completely off the cards,” Gold snapped.

There was silence for a while as they both digested the other’s words.

“Ok,” Ella said, graciously conceding defeat. “I won’t say anything more about it. Just have faith that for all I say about going out and making your own happiness, fate does sometimes have odd ways of bringing people together, so don’t try to fight it. You did great work today, Aiden. Not that you don’t always. Thank you.”

Gold smiled.

“Any time, Ella.”

 She said her goodnights and left him then; although it was her office that they were using, Gold had his own key to the place from many nights spent working late on catalogue and promotional material together, when he wanted to keep going for just that little bit longer and didn’t want to lose his concentration by packing up his things and moving them back to his house or his own office. More often than not, in those situations, Ella would come back in of a morning and find him still sitting there, having worked through the night and fallen asleep at the desk.

This time though, he did not return to his work as soon as Ella left. He was still thinking about Belle; he couldn’t get her out of his head. Would it really hurt to take the bull by the horns for once in his life?


	4. Confidence

**Devilish**

**Chapter Four - Confidence**

There was a definite spring in Belle’s step as she made her way down the street towards _Devilish_. It was payday, and having carefully budgeted off her rent and other expenses for the month, Belle reckoned that she could afford to get something new from the shop. The pieces that she’d received after the photoshoot were lovely, but there was something addictive about nice lingerie, she’d found. Especially when she wasn’t wearing it to please someone else but simply for the knowledge that she was looking absolutely amazing under her clothes. There was something freeing about the idea of getting dressed up just for herself, and she wanted to get another couple of pieces so that she could do it more often. There had been a set at the photoshoot that she hadn’t tried on but that had piqued her interest and she wondered if it was in the stores already or whether it would only be available once the new catalogue came out.

The fact that the vibrator that Ariel had helped her to buy had arrived in the post two days ago was also helping to brighten her mood a little. She hadn’t yet had the courage to actually get it out of the box and try it out, but knowing that it was there shoved in her chest of drawers under her woolly winter socks made her smile. Perhaps in a couple of days she would no longer be feeling that pink-tinged embarrassment and would no longer feel the need to hide the thing, especially since she lived alone and there was absolutely no-one that she needed to hide it from.

Ruby was behind the counter as usual as she entered, and the other woman grinned from ear to ear on seeing Belle.

“Well, someone’s very chirpy,” she said. “I was wondering when we might see you again. I didn’t want your modelling experience to have traumatised you for good and you’d never set foot in here again. I always feel quite proud of myself when I get to indoctrinate a newbie into the wonderful ways of the shop and I’d be really disappointed if you never came back.”

Belle shook her head. “No, I had a really good time at the photoshoot. I just needed to save up a bit before I came back in here.”

Ruby made a face. “Yeah, I guess I can understand that. But you’re here now, so how can I help? Did you have anything in mind?”

“Yes. There was a piece that I had my eye on at the shoot but didn’t get the chance to try on; it was a long-line vintage style bra, black with a pattern of little pink roses on it.”

“I know exactly what you mean.” Ruby bounded across the shop and hooked the bra off a high rail, presenting it to Belle with a flourish. “Here you go. The fitting room’s free, go right ahead and let me know if you need me to adjust the straps.”

Belle took the bra into the fitting room and tried it on; she was aware of someone else coming into the shop as she disappeared behind the curtain, Ruby going over to help the new customer, but she didn’t really pay it any mind. There was no reason to – this was a shop and people came into it to browse and buy things just as she was doing, and she had just as much a right to be in there as anyone else. That was something that she had to keep reminding herself sometimes, that she wasn’t doing this for anyone else’s approval and didn’t need to fear anyone else’s disapproval. She was doing this for herself, and that was final.

She was getting the hang of adjusting the straps herself although it took a few attempts to get them to the correct length, but she’d taken Ruby’s advice from her first fitting to heart and she knew what she was looking for. The bra fitted nicely and she really did love the vintage styling. Hopefully it was part of a matching set and she could get panties too. Yes, this one was definitely a keeper.

She quickly got dressed again and came out of the fitting room; Ruby was still busy with the other customer at the cash desk and Belle went over to search for matching panties, paying no attention to the other woman in the shop until a voice, still familiar for the relatively few times that she had heard it, spoke her name.

“Belle French. It’s been a little while, hasn’t it?”

Belle whirled around, recognising the cool, hard voice and its owner immediately. She hadn’t been paying attention to her fellow customer before, but she was definitely paying attention now. The woman standing demurely in front of her wearing an expression that would have been pleasant had it not had so much hidden judgement behind it was someone that she had really hoped never to have to interact with again.

“Hello, Fae,” she said politely, trying to keep her voice firm and not quavering with the unease that the other woman had always instilled in her whenever they’d met.

“I see that it hasn’t taken you long to get over the end of your relationship.” Fae eyed the bra hanging from Belle’s fingertips and the matching panties in the other hand. “One might say that you had completely forgotten the time you spent with Gaston.”

Oh, chance would be a fine thing, Belle thought to herself sourly. Considering she was in a constant state of battling against Gaston’s words in her head it would be a miracle if she managed to forget him in a hurry, but as much as she really wanted to let rip at Fae, she reigned herself in. She probably wouldn’t have had the guts to go through with it anyway.

“Not every woman buys underwear to please a man, Fae,” she said acidly. “These are just for me. A fresh start.”

“Hmm.” Fae’s lips were pressed together in a thin line, disbelief and disapproval etched into her features, and Belle’s audacity was rapidly waning in the face of what could only be described as ston- cold disappointment. “I must admit that I’m surprised to see you in here,” she said.

Not as surprised as I am to see you, considering you spend your days dressing like and acting like a nun, Belle wanted to say, but her tongue had tied itself in knots and wasn’t co-operating.

“I wouldn’t have thought that a librarian’s salary would have covered such frivolities. Now, if you were still with Gaston then that would be a different matter, of course. He did always want you to have the best.”

“Hey, Belle, I’ll get this rung up for you.”

Ruby had come over and intervened, taking the underwear from Belle and guiding her over to the cash desk with a light touch on her arm. Fae narrowed her eyes at the interruption but seemed content that she’d got her point across and put the fear in Belle once more, and she left the shop without another word.

“She’s a piece of work, isn’t she?” Ruby said as she scanned the tags, not looking up at Belle. “Are you ok?”

“Yes,” Belle lied. Unconvincingly, as Ruby looked up and raised an eyebrow.

“Are you sure about that?”

Belle shook her head and Ruby smiled, beckoning her round the cash desk and indicating for her to take a seat on the stool there whilst Ruby leaned on the counter.

“Want to talk about it?”

Belle couldn’t decide. For all that they had bonded over underwear and for all that Ruby had been the one to kick start her voyage of self-discovery with the first bra fit all those weeks ago, she was still an acquaintance rather than a friend, and these things were things that should really be shared with a friend.

Then again, Belle thought, why not share it with Ruby? It had taken her a long time for her to come to terms with the fact that the break-up of her relationship with Gaston had not been her fault, that she had recognised the warning signs of a toxic relationship and got out before something irretrievable had happened and although she had been the one to leave him, she had done so for her own good.

“She’s my ex-boyfriend’s godmother,” she finally blurted out. “And she scares the living daylights out of me.”

“Ouch.” Ruby grimaced in sympathy. “Yep, the bitch of the year alarm was definitely going off there. But I wouldn’t take any notice of the holier than thou spiel; after all, she’s in here buying just like you are. It can’t be one standard for her and one for you, even if you did dump her godson. If he was anything like she is then you’re definitely better off for that decision.”

Belle managed a weak smile. “Oh, he was worse, believe me.”

“Then double good riddance to the both of them. Take heart from the fact that whilst they’re bitter, you’re looking absolutely fabulous.”

“Yeah, I guess…” Belle trailed off as a thought occurred to her. “Ruby, do you know if she’s on the catalogue mailing list?”

“Not off the top of my head and I’d have to cancel your purchase to bring up her details, but I think so; it’s not her first visit.”

What had begun as a little marble of ice in the small of her back suddenly became a chill through her veins and Belle buried her head in her hands.

“Oh no.”

“Belle? What’s up, honey? Are you ok?”

Belle shook her head. “No… She’ll see my pictures! If she gets the catalogue then she’ll see my pictures!”

“So…” Ruby was still looking perplexed and on the verge of calling the police, ambulance, fire brigade or all three.

“You’ve seen what she’s like!” Belle exclaimed, trying to keep the hysteria out of her voice. “If she sees my pictures then she’ll tell Gaston and I definitely don’t want him seeing them.”

Somewhere in the back of her mind, Belle knew that she was being irrational. The whole point of this venture into _Devilish_ was to get rid of Gaston’s insidious presence in the back of her mind and show him that she was moving on and that his tight grip on her could not hold her back. Logic told her that it really didn’t matter whether Gaston saw her modelling in her underwear or not, because he was no longer a part of her life.

But Belle, as passionate and impulsive a thinker as she was, was not one usually given over to logic at the best of times, and at that moment, blind panic was taking over.

“Belle.” Looking ever more concerned, Ruby cancelled the purchase on the till and crouched down so that she was level with Belle. “Are you all right? Really? Do you need a glass of water or anything? Because from here it really looks like you’re having a panic attack.”

She wasn’t having a panic attack, but she was panicking. All the same, Ruby didn’t need to know that.

“I’m ok,” she said, forcing herself to take some deep breaths. “I’m all right, I’ve just had a bit of a shock, that’s all.”

“Are you sure? Do you want me to call someone for you?”

“No, I’ll be fine, honestly.” The last thing that Belle wanted was for Ruby to call Ariel because she’d freaked out over seeing Fae in the shop. She had been doing so well up until this point and she really didn’t want her best friend to know that she’d back-slid like this.

“Ok.” Ruby didn’t sound convinced but it seemed like she knew that there was nothing to be gained from pushing the point. “Well, I think you ought to go home. I’ll put these on hold for you and you can come back and get them when you’ve calmed down and you’re feeling your usual self again. You were so happy when you came in, and it’s such a shame that one stupid woman’s managed to completely turn that on its head.”

Belle had to agree, but more than that, she had to get out of the shop and inhale some fresh air before she began to hyperventilate, her rational brain still desperately trying to shout down all the alarm bells that were going off.

“I’ll see you soon, all right?” Ruby said. “Don’t be a stranger.”

Belle nodded and sped out of the shop, getting a few yards down the road before she leaned on a lamp-post to steady herself. Everything was going to be all right. There was no reason for her to be worrying about Fae, and if Fae decided that she wanted to show Gaston pictures of his ex-girlfriend modelling lingerie for a catalogue that she herself received, then so be it.

Except for the small fact that Belle really didn’t want Gaston to come back into her life at any point and she was somewhat afraid that this would provide fuel for an imagined confrontation that she’d gone over so many times in her mind. Their break-up had not been amicable because Gaston couldn’t see how his behaviour had been problematic and thrown up so many warning signs for her. To him, Belle’s complaints had been irrational, and he had not taken the end of their relationship well. She really didn’t want to hash out anything else with him. She didn’t have the energy.

There was only one thing for it, really. She was going to have to get her pictures taken out of the catalogue somehow.

She could already hear Ariel’s voice in her head telling her that this was a stupid idea and she was just letting Gaston control her again like he had done before, but for Belle, this was surely a logical step of self-preservation, and she swiped her phone on to contact Astrid and ask for her photos not to be used. As she was about to start typing the email, though, a thought struck her.

Perhaps she could go straight to Gold himself. His studio was local, only a few minutes’ walk away in a quiet part of the town, and she could easily drop in casually and ask to speak to him. He would hopefully understand, he had been so understanding on the day of the shoot, and surely it couldn’t be such a strange request. People must get cold feet all the time.

She double-checked the studio address and set off towards it, still fighting the internal war in her mind that was leaving her plagued by indecision.

There was no sign of Gold in the front reception area of the studio, but that was to be expected. The man behind the desk was younger than the photographer, and dressed in a very dapper ensemble including silk waistcoat and ascot. This, Belle surmised, must be Jefferson, the ambiguously gay assistant who’d stripped down to his boxers during a photoshoot to make the ladies feel at ease. He looked up as she entered.

“Can I help you?”

“Yes. No. I’m not sure. I wanted to speak to Aiden. Mr Gold.”

“I see. Do you have an appointment?”

“No, but it’s quite important.”

“I’m afraid that we don’t take walk-ins,” Jefferson said, “but we’ve had a couple of cancellations this week so I can book you in for a slot on Thursday if you tell me what it is that you’re after.”

“No, no, I don’t want photos taken,” Belle said hastily. “Kind of the opposite, actually. I just really need to speak to him.”

Jefferson raised an eyebrow, evidently curious as to why someone would come into a photographer’s studio and ask to speak to a photographer without wanting pictures taken, but he nonetheless indicated the sleek leather sofa in the little waiting area.

“He’s out on lunch at the moment but he should be back in a couple of minutes. Can I ask your name please?”

“It’s Belle. Belle French.”

Jefferson didn’t say anything more, but he kept glancing over at her every couple of seconds as she sat waiting for Gold, her fingers tapping agitatedly against the upholstery. It was as if he was trying to place her, and Belle realised with a jolt that if he was Gold’s assistant then he’d probably seen her catalogue pictures himself.

“Do I know you from somewhere?” Jefferson asked. “Have you been to the studio before?”

“No.” At least she could say that with completely finality. Belle could feel herself getting slightly pink at the notion that Jefferson recognised her from the _Devilish_ photos, but she couldn’t for the life of her think why. She had taken the pictures with the full intention of them being seen when they went in the catalogue, but now that she was having second thoughts, it brought with it a certain cringing to know that some eyes had already seen them. She avoided Jefferson’s gaze, instead looking out of the window, watching out for Gold’s return.

She was surprised to see him walk up with another man, probably nearer to Jefferson in age, the two of them chatting animatedly as they reached the studio. Outside the door, they stopped and hugged; it wasn’t a casual gesture but one reserved for someone that you cared deeply about. Belle had learned to read people as well as books over all her years as a librarian, and she could tell that Gold and this unknown man were very close indeed. Her stomach flip-flopped at the sight. Although she’d accepted the gossip of the other models at the photoshoot, it was another thing to see it with her own eyes. Oh well. That was one avenue of interest that could be shut down. At least she knew that he would hopefully hear her out and dispel her fears.

Gold came into the studio and stopped short when he saw her, smiling.

“Hello, Belle,” he said. “What brings you here?”

“No need to introduce you two then,” Jefferson said from behind the desk, smirking a little, and suddenly Belle felt incredibly awkward. Coming here had been a terrible mistake; she should have just emailed Astrid.

“It’s, erm, kind of a delicate matter,” she began. “Can we talk somewhere privately?”

“Of course, come through to my office.”

Gold ushered Belle through the studio to the cosy room that served as his office. Well, cosy was one way of describing it. Horrifically cluttered would be another. It was a small space with a large window that let a lot of sunshine in, making it pleasantly warm, but almost every available surface was covered in trinkets, papers, bits of cameras and lighting filters. It was organised chaos, but only organised in the sense that Gold seemed to know where everything ought to go and didn’t seem at all perturbed by the mess. Belle wondered how a man who looked so immaculately put together in his personal appearance – crisp three-piece suit, neat knot in his tie, double-cuff shirt with gold links – could be so incredibly untidy in his surroundings. She had to admit that she did like the full suit on him, then she shook those thoughts out of her head. Of all the men to be thinking about in that way, one who was absolutely not available to her on any plain was probably not the best candidate for her affections.

“I don’t have all that much time, I have a client coming in at half past two, but what can I do for you in the meantime?”

He pulled out a chair for her and Belle sank down into it gratefully, formulating what she was going to say.

“I want my pictures pulled from the _Devilish_ catalogue,” she said. “I mean, if you were going to use them to start with.”

Gold nodded, his brow furrowing. “We always use all the models we shoot,” he said, “but may I ask why this change of heart?”

Belle sighed. “It’s complicated. I just realised that this was a bad idea and I don’t know what I was thinking when I decided to do it, and I think it would be better for everyone if we just forgot that it ever happened.”

“All right,” Gold said, but he still sounded wary. “If that’s really what you want, then of course we’ll respect your wishes. But before I do anything, I think that there’s something you need to see.”

Belle’s eyes widened and Gold gave a soft chuckle, but there was little humour behind it, more concern, just as Ruby had shown.

“Don’t worry, it’s nothing bad. I know that you said at the shoot that you wanted to wait until the catalogue came out to see your pictures, but I think that maybe you need to see them before then. Give me a moment.”

Belle dutifully waited, feeling her pulse increase as Gold clicked about on his computer and finally swung the monitor around so that she could see it.

She blinked, looking at the picture of herself in the turquoise bra and knickers, feet tucked up under her, book in her lap. She looked different, and she glanced up at Gold.

“Is that really me?”

“Yes. No alterations, no editing, just colour correction on the underwear so that it shows up properly in print.”

Belle was speechless. She didn’t think that she’d ever seen a photograph where she looked so good. Gold was a wizard with lighting and camerawork, there was no other way to describe him.

“There are plenty more, just like that one,” he said, clicking through the rolls that he had taken. “You have a wonderful natural beauty, and when you smile, it lights up the room. I’m not exaggerating. Just take a look at how bright you look in these pictures. I don’t know your personal reasons for choosing to model for _Devilish_ , but I know that a lot of women do it for a confidence boost, and I could see the way your confidence grew throughout the day. You can see it in the pictures. I would hate to think that having had that confidence before, it’s now waned.” He paused. “I swear I’m not just saying this to get you to keep your pictures in the catalogue, but I’ve been shooting for Ella for a long time, and I’m just speaking from experience here. You’re the first person I’ve ever had come to me and tell me that they made a mistake and wanted to call the whole thing off after they’d had what appeared to be a good time at the photoshoot.”

Belle sighed, wondering how to explain her reasoning.

“I guess I’m just concerned about what people will think.”

“Don’t be,” Gold said. “They’re your pictures. No-one can make you feel bad about them without your say so. You did really well, and I think that you should be proud of that.”

In spite of everything, Belle managed a small smile. “You must have a lot of practice of buoying up women’s confidence.”

“Comes with the territory.” He winked. “But in all seriousness, I’m not making this up. There’s a reason why I do the _Devilish_ photoshoots and it’s not because Ella and I are friends or because she pays me to do it. It’s work that I genuinely enjoy because it’s great to see people gain confidence in themselves like you did. Believe me, having worked with professional models it’s very refreshing to see amateurs come into their own.” He paused. “Since the catalogue only goes out to a mailing list and isn’t publicly available, I’m guessing that there are specific people whom you have in mind when you say that you don’t want people to see your photos.”

Belle nodded, wondering if she ought to tell him the whole story. “Yeah.”

“Well then, they can take their opinions and shove them,” Gold said firmly. “There’s certainly nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of. You should be happy and proud. I know I’m proud of you. It’s a big step to take, but you took it and the end result looks great.”

He turned the monitor back to face him and leaned back in his chair. “Shall I give you some time to think it over?” he asked, grabbing a business card from a stack on the windowsill and handing it to her. “I’ll be sending the finalised pictures to Ella on Sunday and then we’ll work on a layout. Let me know what you decide before then.”

Belle took the card, looking at the phone number and email address printed on it.

“Are you sure?” she asked.

“Of course. If you want to talk about the photos and how they’ll be used, or any other kind of reassurance, just call.”

Belle smiled gratefully, tucking the card into her pocket. She had not come to any kind of decision yet; the images that Gold had shown her and his vehement words had thrown her for six a little and she was still reeling from seeing herself look so confident. It had served to give her once more that little swell of empowerment that she had felt in the studio on the day. Who cared if Fae showed Gaston her pictures and he kicked up a fuss? That was his problem, not hers.

Still, the option to back out was nice to have.

“It’s good to see you smiling again,” Gold said. “You really do have a lovely smile.”

He looked as if he was about to say something else, but then he gave a little shake of his head, deciding against it. Belle wanted to say something, but she had no idea what would be appropriate in the circumstances.

“Thank you,” she said eventually. “You’ve really been so kind.”

If she didn’t know better, then Belle would say that Gold had gone a little bit pink himself.

“Well, it’s all true,” he said. “Let me know when you make your decision, and I’ll deal with the photographs accordingly.”

She got up to leave and Gold showed her to the door back into the waiting room, where Jefferson was still sitting behind the reception desk and turned his attention towards them with lightning speed as soon as they exited. Given the intrigue and inquisitiveness in his expression Belle was surprised that they hadn’t found him with his ear pressed up against the door trying to listen in on their conversation.

“Take care, Belle,” Gold said before he vanished back into his office, and Belle took a moment in the waiting area to catch her breath and try to calm down from the rollercoaster of emotions that she had been feeling for the past hour or so, going from such a panicked low to such a high in a very short space of time was exhausting, but at least it had left her feeling elated rather than afraid.

“Everything sorted out?” Jefferson asked. “Sorry, I’m just incorrigibly nosy when it comes to lovely young ladies seeking out Gold, of all people, with urgent problems.”

“Yes,” Belle said. “It’s all sorted, thank you.”

“Glad to hear it.” There was a pause, and Jefferson gave a Mephistophelean smirk, leaning over the counter and beckoning Belle closer with a conspiratorial air. “You know, I think he likes you.”

“Oh.” Belle felt herself flush again. “I’m sure it’s nothing, I mean, I really don’t think I’m his type…” Oh good lord, this was awkward. Why had Jefferson said anything?

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I just remembered where I’d seen you before and where I knew your name from.”

“The _Devilish_ catalogue photoshoot,” Belle finished for him. She might as well get it out in the open if she was going to make up her mind about whether or not to have her pictures in the finished product.

Jefferson nodded. “He talked about you a lot; he says you were his favourite of the new models that he worked with. He was positively singing your praises, and believe me, that’s pretty rare.”

“Oh.” Belle was taken aback at this piece of information. She had been under the impression that Gold was as amiable with everyone else as he had been with her, as that was the only experience that she had of him.

“It’s also pretty rare for him to get pink ears,” Jefferson said sagely. “And I notice that your own ears are a little pink too.”

“Where are you going with this?” Belle asked warily.

Jefferson held his hands up in a show of surrender. “It’s ok, I won’t push it. It just seemed like there was mutual interest there and I’ve seen enough romantic dramas where the two leads like each other and it’s obvious to everyone around them except themselves, and I wanted to avoid that if at all possible.”

Wait, a minute. Belle’s brain back-pedalled frantically. Mutual interest? She was certainly interested in Gold, at least from the brief moments that she’d spent in his presence, but the idea of it being mutual was, well, it couldn’t be, could it?

“I don’t know, I mean, I can see that he’s very close to…” She waved blindly at the shop window to indicate the man whom Gold had evidently been out to lunch with. Jefferson just smiled benignly.

“Yes, most fathers are close to their sons,” he said.

Thankfully Belle had enough control over her facial expressions not to have to scrape her jaw off the floor, and she felt her face getting even redder than it already was. Thankfully, Jefferson’s expression was sympathetic.

“Look, I know all too well the rumours that the girls at the _Devilish_ photoshoots spread, but I think you should take them with a pinch of salt.”

“You mean he’s not…”

“No,” Jefferson said. “He’s not.”

“Oh.” Belle let the revelation sink in for a moment and groaned, burying her head in her hands. “Oh God, I feel like such an idiot.”

Jefferson laughed. “Don’t worry, you’re definitely not the first and you probably won’t be the last. But I’m glad that the misunderstanding has been resolved before it became an issue. Unless, of course this has caused a whole new spate of issues based on what happened whilst the misunderstanding was still in place, but better to have the air cleared sooner rather than later, right?”

Belle nodded, head still in hands, and she became aware of the door opening and someone else – presumably Gold’s client – coming in and stopping short on finding Belle in her rather worrying position.

“Is everything all right?”

Belle looked up to see a young woman and her two small daughters, all dressed up in their finest ready for a family portrait, looking alarmed.

“Yes,” she squeaked. “Yes, everything’s fine.”

It was the second time that day that she’d lied about everything being fine, but at least this time the circumstances were rather different. She left the studio before she could become even more mortified, and she fingered the business card in her pocket. She would have to get in touch with Gold by the end of the week anyway to give him a final decision on the photographs. But now, a whole other possibility had opened up in front of her.

All she needed was the confidence to go through with it.


	5. Baby Steps

**Devilish**

**Chapter Five – Baby Steps**

“Ella, I think I’m about to make a terrible mistake.”

Ella looked up from her coffee and raised an eyebrow at Gold. The two of them were sitting together in the _Devilish_ head office, which was looking a far cry from the studio setting that it had been when Gold had last been in there.

“Right now, it looks to me like the terrible mistake you’re about to make is pouring your coffee all over your laptop and frying the last five hours of our hard work, but something tells me that’s not what you’re talking about.”

Gold hastily righted his mug where it was threatening to tip in his hands and he downed the last dregs, grimacing at the tepidity. Belle had emailed him a few days ago, thanking him for his time and kindness and saying that she would be happy for her pictures to be used in the catalogue. He couldn’t help thinking about the phrase that she had used in her message.

_You know what they say. Carpe diem, and all that._

Ella had been badgering him about carpe diem for weeks, and after Jefferson had dropped some not at all subtle hints that perhaps Belle liked him as much as he did her, he was beginning to think that maybe it was fate that had brought them together like this.

Ella scooted forward on her chair and leaned in close with a smile that on anyone else would have been sympathetic, but that on Ella just looked worrying. “So, come on. Tell Agony Aunt Ella what terrible mistake you’re about to make.”

“I’m going to talk to Belle.”

Ella gave him a puzzled look. “Really not seeing the terrible mistake in there, Gold. If anything, I’d say that was a very good decision, all things considered. I do keep telling you to get a girlfriend.”

“I know, and I keep telling you that I won’t go out with my models. If I do this, then I’ll effectively become the sleazy photographer going out with a woman he’s only ever seen partially dressed, in essence, everything I hate about my own profession.”

“Ok, let me get this straight.” Ella put down her own mug so that she could use both hands to make a point. “You’ve met Belle and had a couple of conversations with her and exchanged a couple of emails with her, and you’ve decided that you like her and have enjoyed the brief time you’ve spent with her, and you think you’d like to spend more time with her.”

Gold nodded. “In essence, yes.”

“But you’re refusing to let yourself do that, even though she’s the first woman who’s piqued your interest for years. I have to say it, Aiden, fourteen years is a long rebound period, I think you’re over Cora by now.”

Gold just glared at her. “That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it, Ella, don’t play stupid.”

“All right, all right. So you’re refusing to let yourself go after the only woman you’ve felt remotely attracted to for the last fourteen years out of a sense of professional ethics.”

“Yes. It would be like a doctor having an affair with one of their patients.”

“I’m really not quite sure where you get your logic from, but I’m pretty sure it’s not as drastic as that and you’re not going to get your photographer’s license revoked for this. No-one else has, that’s for sure. Do photographers even have licenses?”

“That’s the entire point, Ella, I don’t want to be like everyone else. I pride myself on my reputation! My entire career is built on that. I might never work again, do you understand how serious this is?”

Ella scrubbed a hand over her face. “It’s too late in the day for this conversation. I know how incredibly sensitive you are about harassment and treating your models well, and believe me, Aiden, I am incredibly thankful for it. But asking a woman out on a date does not constitute harassment unless she’s made it plain that she doesn’t want anything to do with you, which Belle has not. If she says no, then she says no and you can walk away not having lost anything, this is the point. If you keep asking her after she says no, that’s when you have the problem. Gold, you know more about these things than I do, you are far more clued in than I am, I’m really not quite sure why I am now the one telling all this to you.”

“It _is_ the point!” Gold didn’t think that he’d ever been quite so agonised over a decision as he was over this one. “What’s Belle going to think when I turn around and ask her out?”

“She’s going to think that you want to go on a date with her.”

“No!” Gold resisted the urge to bang his head against the desk, mainly because the desk was covered in photo prints and he didn’t want to disturb them in any way because they’d spent so long laying them out in exactly the right way. “She might think that if I hadn’t just TAKEN PICTURES OF HER IN HER UNDERWEAR!”

Ella sighed. “Aiden, for the love of everything that’s holy that I don’t even believe in, just talk to the woman. Ignore the romance aspect of it. Even if you never ask her out on a date, you could use friends who aren’t me and Jefferson, and from what I can tell about Belle, considering I know less about her than you do, she could do with good friends as well. You have a connection there and I don’t want to see you throw that away. And you’re ignoring one very important thing.”

“What’s that?”

“Well, at the moment you’re making this all about you. What are you going to do if Belle asks you out? Say ‘sorry, I really like you but I’m so hung up on power imbalance that I couldn’t possibly go out with you?’ Where does that leave the both of you?”

“That’s hardly likely, Ella.”

“So, if you don’t think she harbours similar feelings towards you as you do towards her, why are you worrying about asking her out in the first place? I know you well enough to know that you don’t ask women out unless you think that there might be something there and there’s a chance they’ll say yes. I’ve known you a long time, Aiden, and I like to think that I can read you fairly well, but today you’re not making any sense at all. You’re so hung up on what’s going to go wrong that you can’t see the potential for things going right.” She threw her hands up in the air. “You’re right,” she said. “You’re going to make a terrible mistake and you’ll never work again and you’ll die destitute and alone, are you happy now?”

Gold didn’t reply and Ella rolled her eyes. “I thought so. Aiden, please. I can understand where your fears are coming from. There are more than enough people out there in positions of power who abuse them for their own ends; not a day goes by without you hearing about another scandal coming out of the woodwork and feeling a great swell of sympathy for the victims who’ve never been able to speak out until now. But the very fact you think about this means that you’ve at least got half a brain cell more than the people you hear about in the news.”

Gold snorted. “Careful there, you’re starting to sound like a Not All Men hashtag.”

Ella sighed, but there was no annoyance behind it now, such sympathy and a bit of frustration.

“I’m not suggesting that you start sleeping with all your models. I’m just saying that you’re not doing anything wrong by talking to Belle and seeing if she’s interested in pursuing a relationship. If she isn’t, then she isn’t, you haven’t lost anything. You certainly haven’t lost me.”

Gold smiled wanly. “Sometimes I think I don’t deserve you, Ella.”

“Only sometimes?” She grinned at him. “Darling, you know full well I’m too good for you, but I love you anyway. I think that’s part of what makes our friendship work so well. Now email Belle before you end up talking yourself out of it again. I can even proofread it if you like.” She paused as Gold began to type. “So, when did you get the impression that she might be interested? When she came over to get her photos taken out?”

Gold nodded. “Well, not immediately then. It was Jefferson who thought that there might be something in it, and I dared to hope that he was right.”

“Well, Jeff’s usually good at this kind of thing. I have him to thank for getting me and Ursula together. I should employ him full time as your personal match-maker.”

Gold didn’t bother to make any reply to the words. With any luck, if everything went ok with Belle, then he wouldn’t need a personal match-maker again, at least, not with the regularity that Ella did. She seemed to change girlfriends as often as she changed socks, but always managed to keep on friendly terms with most of them. That said, Ursula seemed to have bucked the trend and had been in the picture for a few weeks now. If Jefferson had managed to find something that could go the distance for Ella, then it wasn’t too much of a stretch of the imagination to think that he could do it for Gold as well.

He looked down at the email he’d written.

_Hi Belle,_

_I’m very glad you decided to remain part of the catalogue. We’ve been putting it together today and it’s going to look stunning, so I hope you’re as excited about it as Ella and I are. I hope that you’re keeping well?_

_Kind regards,_

_Aiden_

It felt strange just signing off with his first name. For Gold, it marked the step between an email being professional and personal. He hardly ever just used his first name; he hardly ever gave it out to people. It was a ridiculously short message and it didn’t convey half the things he wanted to say, but it invited response, and that was part of the battle. If she didn’t respond, then that was that, and as Ella had said, he had not lost anything. He was seizing the day, but that didn’t mean that he had to grab it with both hands and let it take him wherever it wanted just yet. He could take it in small steps for now.

X

“Ariel, tell me I’m making a mistake.”

“You’re making a mistake.”

“Thank you.”

There was a long pause during with neither Belle nor Ariel did or said anything, which caused Ruby to look between the two of them several times and finally voice the question that was picking at her mind that neither of the other two ladies showed any signs of answering.

“How are you making a mistake?” she asked.

The three of them were sitting around in Belle’s apartment above the library, an open bottle of wine on the coffee table between them and Netflix paused on the TV. Over the past couple of weeks, ever since Belle’s mad panic in _Devilish_ when she had bumped into Fae, Ruby had become a definite friend and defender to Belle, and it was nice to bond socially with someone without having to buy underwear to do it. Ruby, and occasionally her girlfriend, had been seamlessly incorporated into Belle and Ariel’s girls’ night, ever-bubbly and personable Ariel was thrilled to have a new ready-made friend and already knew Ruby from her own trips to _Devilish_ , so whilst their first few conversations had consisted solely of underwear and sex toys, they had quickly moved on to different topics, romance being one of them, and one that Belle had tried to avoid talking about as much as possible.

Right now, though, it seemed that it was going to be unavoidable.

“She’s trying to not ask a man on a date,” Ariel said blithely, as if this sort of thing happened every day. Ruby raised her eyebrows, for all she knew it did happen every day, but somehow she got the impression that the situation was a bit less flippant than Ariel made it out to be.

“Right…”

“For the last two and a half weeks,” Ariel went on to explain, whilst Belle tried her best to hide herself behind her laptop screen, “Belle has been in regular electronic communication with a certain Aiden Gold of Aiden Gold Photography whom I’m sure you’re familiar with. And now she’s trying her best not to ask him on a date.”

“Ok.” There was silence again for a long while. “And why would asking him on a date be a mistake?” she asked Belle. “I’m also going to take from this that he’s not actually gay as all of us believe, as there really wouldn’t be any point in even thinking about asking him otherwise?”

“I make no claims as to what he might be,” Belle said primly, “but I do have it on authority that he does like women.”

“Well, blow me down,” Ruby said. “I just gained a whole new level of appreciation for his professionalism.” She paused. “That still doesn’t answer my original question of why asking him out on a date would be a mistake.”

“I don’t know.” Belle gave a huff of frustration. “I just don’t want him to think that I’m desperate or that I’m rebounding or that I have some kind of weird kink. I mean, technically I’m young enough to be his daughter, what if he doesn’t think of me in that way and it makes things weird between us?”

“Well, you’ll never know if you don’t ask,” Ruby pointed out. “Ultimately you’re the only person who can tell if you’re going too fast. If you’re worried that you’re moving on too quickly then that’s a different matter, but I wouldn’t start trying to project that into how he might feel about you. If you’re not ready then don’t do it, but if you are, then you’re not going to lose anything by going for it.”

Ruby did have a point. Belle had read so often about people who came out of one toxic relationship only to dive blindly into another one because they were so used to togetherness and they craved it, or they were so desperate to try and find something different that in the end, the something different turned out not to be all that different at all.

One date didn’t make a whole relationship, though. Belle was looking to take things slowly, certainly, but at the moment she was taking things so slowly that they weren’t moving at all, and no matter how casual and careful the relationship might be, she was never going to get anywhere with it if she never made that first step.

The other thing holding her back was her uncertainty of Gold’s feelings. Jefferson had said that he liked her, and he had said himself that he had enjoyed spending time with her. She thought that there was a good enough basis there to put an assumption on, but at the same time, she wondered why he had not made a move himself.

There again, Belle thought, she was projecting her own experiences. In her previous relationship, Gaston had always been the one to make the first move, perhaps before she was ready for it in some cases. She was so used to men being proactive and going out and getting what they wanted that it threw her for six when she met one who was not quite as confident.

Maybe he was just shy. Maybe he was waiting for her to make the next move because he knew that they were in a rather unusual position having begun their acquaintance as artist and model. Maybe it was time for her to step up and own the new-found confidence that she had begun to feel ever since her first venture into _Devilish_ , and take a step towards her own future, shaping it in the way that she wanted to. There was absolutely nothing to stop her.

Well, apart from all the myriad things that could possibly go wrong that she couldn’t help mulling over in her mind. She really didn’t know him all that well, although they had moved on from the awkward, stilting small talk that they had first started out with and were now in the territory of talking about family and friends. She knew that he’d been divorced twice, that he had an adult son and soon-to-be grandchild. Maybe he thought that he was too old for her and that would put her off pursuing a relationship with him. If that was the case, then Belle would just have to show him that it wouldn’t. Sure, theirs might not end up being the most conventional dating life, but Belle knew from experience that conventional was distinctly overrated.

“Just think about it,” Ariel said. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

Belle thought about the woman at the photoshoot that Gold had very obviously not been interested in. She didn’t want him to end up looking at her in the same way that he’d looked at the red-head, but since they hadn’t actually met in person since she’d rushed into his studio to get him to take her photos out of the catalogue, she supposed that wasn’t something that she’d have to fear. She really didn’t want him to think that she was trying to emulate that particular person, but logic, that small voice that she so rarely listened to when she was on an impulsive downward spiral of reasoning in her own mind, told her that since they’d been chatting for two weeks prior to her asking, then she was already doing better than someone who was flirting within about ten minutes of having met him.

Ariel was right. The worst outcome was that she lost touch with him, which would be sad, but wouldn’t be the end of the world.

“All right,” she said. “I’ll ask him.”

“I know the perfect excuse.” Ruby was bouncing up and down on her knees at the prospect of being able to help set up a friend. “The autumn catalogue is due to go out on Monday. You could ask him out to celebrate that with you.”

Belle considered the idea, conceded that she really didn’t have a better one, and began to write the email that would hopefully move things along in the right direction.

There was no response immediately, but Belle wasn’t expecting one, and she shut down the laptop quickly, resolving not to check again until the morning. With the bullet bitten and the task out of the way, it was time to focus on her present company, and by mutual unspoken agreement, the topic of Aiden Gold was kept firmly off the table for the rest of the evening. It was only later, once Ruby had gone home and Ariel was lying on the sofa finishing up the rest of the wine that Belle thought back to it, and to some of the real fears underlying her worries that she had not really been able to articulate at the time.

“Do you think I’m moving too quickly?” she asked. “Tell me honestly. Am I just doing this because I miss being part of a relationship, even a bad one?”

Ariel considered the question for a long time, wine paused halfway to her lips, and eventually she shook her head.

“No, I don’t think so. It’s been months since you left Gaston, it’s not like you’ve ended one relationship and you’re jumping straight into another one. And you’ve grown so much in yourself over these last few months, in ways that have nothing to do with being part of a relationship. You’re growing in confidence, you’re making new friends, you’re doing things just for you; that’s all healthy. If you hadn’t done any of that then maybe I’d think that it was too fast, but I think you’re on the right track at the moment. Just as long as you keep focussing on what’s right for you, rather than what’s right for the other person.”

“Yeah.” Belle sighed. “That’s the other thing I’m worried about.”

“What, falling back into the same pattern that you had with Gaston?”

“No. Going the other way. Becoming the Gaston in the relationship.”

“Oh honey, I don’t think that you could be a Gaston if you tried,” Ariel said. “You care about other people too much. Sometimes to your own detriment. Doing things for yourself and trying to take care of yourself isn’t selfish, it’s essential. If you want to start a relationship on your own terms to try and protect yourself from what’s happened before, then that’s your prerogative, and I’m sure that Aiden will understand that if it comes down to it. He does seem like a genuinely nice guy, and from the emails you’ve let me see, I think he’s a pretty smitten kitten.”

“You really think so?”

“Oh yes. Maybe he’s waiting for you to make the first move because he’s having exactly the same fears as you, only in reverse. Maybe he’s worried about rebounding from his ex-wives – certainly sounds like the second was a quick job after the first. Maybe he’s worried about you thinking that he’s too old for you.”

“I had considered that.”

“Let’s face it, one of you has to make the first move or you’ll be dancing around each other for months when you could be moving forward.”

Belle nodded. “I guess that you’re right. Well, it’s been done now. There’s nothing for it but to wait and see what happens.”

“It’ll come out all right in the wash,” Ariel said brightly. “No matter what, you know that you’ve got me and Ruby to fall back on, and we’re more than happy to kick any asses that you might need kicking.”

“Yeah, I don’t think that’s going to be necessary.” She didn’t really want anyone to kick Gold’s ass. He had quite a nice ass, from what she’d seen when she’d been on the photo shoot and he’d been rushing around the studio, moving lights and going up and down ladders. She felt herself flush again at the prospect of getting a bit more closely involved with his ass, and Ariel giggled.

“You know, I know you’re the librarian with the passion for reading, but right now I can follow your train of thought as easily as if it’s printed on your bright red forehead,” she said. “Speaking of thoughts wending in that direction though, have you tried out your little vibrating friend yet?”

Belle shook her head. For all the confidence she had gained recently, that was still one thing that had not yet found its way off her to-do list. True, not many women would put ‘have first orgasm’ on a list, but somehow Belle kept finding ways to put it off. Maybe it was out of some kind of hope that in the future Aiden would be able to do it for her and she wouldn’t need to resort to electronic help; or perhaps it was that little part of her that had been ingrained for so long that women shouldn’t masturbate because (of all the stupid reasons) it made men feel like they weren’t good enough. Even when they weren’t actually good enough, as had been the case with Gaston. Something else was telling her that if she didn’t know what she liked herself, then she was never going to be able to communicate what she liked to a new partner and she’d be back to square one.

“Soon,” she said. “Before the date.”

“Good.” Ariel grinned. “We don’t want you being a ball of pent-up sexual frustration screaming for release on your first date. You might scare him off.”

The image of Aiden being scared off by anything, having only ever seen him looking cool and collected, was a somewhat foreign one for Belle, and she had to laugh at it. All the same, she did know what Ariel was getting at. She didn’t want to create any self-fulfilling prophecies when it came to a new relationship, and perhaps it would be best for her to know what she was getting herself into when it came to the bedroom. Not that she was intending to get to the bedroom stage for a while yet, but when the time came…

She couldn’t meet Ariel’s gaze any longer and her friend reached across and knocked her shoulder playfully.

“Hey, it’s ok. You know how they say that guys think about sex every twenty seconds or something ridiculous like that?”

“I thought they’d proved there was absolutely no science behind that?”

“Yes, well, that aside, there’s nothing to say that ladies can’t think about sex all the time too. You know, I’ve never seen a picture of this guy so I have no idea what you’re working towards here. I’ve been stalking his website and everything, but I suppose that when you’re the one behind the camera it kind of precludes you from taking pictures of yourself. Anyway, I’m sure that no matter what the age gap between the two of you is, he’s still smoking hot as well as nice and you’ll do very well with him. Just don’t do anything I wouldn’t.”

“Ariel, the list of things that you wouldn’t do is pretty short, you know.”

“That leaves you a lot of leeway to have a good time then, doesn’t it?”

Ariel winked, and whilst Belle was no longer feeling quite such trepidation at the thought of asking Gold out, she couldn’t help but wonder what the occasion would entail, if it even went ahead.

X

It was a very long time since Gold had been on a date with anyone. The last date he had been on was with the second of his two ex-wives and it had been the occasion when he had asked her to marry him. They’d been together for less than a year and he really should have read the warning signs that the hasty marriage was going to go down the tubes when Cora started having everything in the house valued. Thankfully, having already been through one messy divorce, Gold had his wits about him the second time and Cora had come away from their very short union with significantly less than she had bargained for. Needless to say, Gold was not on good terms with either of the previous women in his life which made the prospect of starting a new relationship with someone he got on with as well as Belle to be an utterly terrifying prospect. But here he was, looking at an invitation to an occasion that was unequivocally meant to be a romantic date. Did the poor girl even realise what she was letting herself in for?

Gold shook that thought out of his head. He’d spent weeks agonising over whether or not he ought to ask her about taking their friendship up a step, and now the decision had been taken out of his hands entirely. He couldn’t say that he wasn’t grateful for that; at least he had no doubts about her feelings towards him now. All the worry that had been stewing ever since they first began exchanging emails had melted away within the blink of an eye, and Gold wasn’t quite sure what to do with the empty space in his brain that it had left.

Accepting the invitation would probably be a good start. Since all his reasons for asking Belle out had now been completely shot to pieces by her making the first move, he really had no excuse not to. Not that he wanted an excuse, of course. There was nothing that he wanted more than to go on a date with Belle.

_Hi Belle,_

_I’d love to go out with you. Name the time and place._

_Aiden_

He sent the message before he could create some convoluted reason as to why it would be a bad idea, and sat back, staring at his computer screen. This was certainly new, and Gold realised that he had absolutely no idea what he was doing. Did people still date in the same way that they used to? Belle was closer in age to Neal than she was to him, maybe he would be better off asking Neal for advice. The thought of asking his son for dating tips was not the most pleasant one, but Gold thought that this was one area where asking Ella for advice might well be fatal. His hand danced over the phone for a long time before he decided to just bite the bullet and go for it. How hard could it be?

Hitting Neal’s speed dial and listening to the phone ring, he realised in those few seconds that it was going to be very hard. But all the same, he would have to tell Neal about the date anyway. You didn’t just randomly get yourself a girlfriend and not tell your family about it. Not that Belle was his girlfriend by any manner yet, but still, the principle remained the same.

Eventually Neal picked up the phone.

_“Hey Dad, what’s up?”_

“Nothing important.” Gold cringed inwardly. Oh dear, this had been a very bad idea but if he didn’t go through with it now then he was never going to get anywhere. “I was just calling to let you know that I have a date.”

_“A date? Really?”_

“Yes. There’s no need to act quite so surprised about it.”

_“Dad, you can’t casually tell me that you’re going on a date and then not expect me to have to pick my jaw off the floor. You haven’t dated since Cora left the picture and that was a while ago.”_

“Yes, there’s no need to remind me that I’m slightly rusty. That was why I was calling, actually.”

_“You’re calling for dating tips?”_ Neal chuckled on the other end of the phone and Gold buried his head in his hands unseen, knowing that getting through this phone conversation was quite possibly going to be his salvation in the long run. _“Sorry, it just gets better and better. So who’s the lucky lady? Is it that Belle that you’ve been talking about? You’ve finally decided to move from purely internet based communication and meet face to face.”_

“We already met face to face,” Gold said. “Don’t worry, I haven’t randomly got a match.com profile, I’m not quite that desperate yet. So before you ask, yes, she knows what I look like.”

_“I wasn’t going to make any comments along those lines at all,_ ” Neal said, and for all he sounded like butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth, Gold knew that he was smirking to himself. _“Just be yourself. She obviously likes you if she said yes to the date.”_

“She asked me, actually.”

_“Woah, even better then. So just be the man you’ve been emailing her for the last however many weeks.”_

There was a shuffling on the other end of the phone and suddenly Emma’s voice came through the line. Why Gold had not realised that she was likely to be in the same room as her fiancé was beyond him, but the thought that she’d just heard the entirety of his conversation with Neal was beyond mortifying.”

_“Mr G, if you’re asking Neal for dating advice then it must be really bad. You know how he invited me to get a drink with him and it turned out to be take-out coffee on a park bench?”_

_“Hey!”_ Neal protested. _“That was a great first date and you know it.”_

_“He’s right though,”_ Emma said. _“Just be yourself. How did you two meet, anyway? I thought the only person you ever interacted with was Jeff; I half-expected you to start dating him.”_

“Erm…” Gold was not quite ready to divulge the exact circumstances of his and Belle’s first interaction. “Through Ella.”

_“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me. Well, good luck with the date, Mr G. Be safe.”_

_“Emma, please, this is my father we’re talking about!”_

The conversation turned to small talk and various bits of news, and once the call was ended, Gold sighed. Neal’s advice was undoubtedly good advice. All he had to do now was actually get to the date and hope that Belle didn’t get cold feet on meeting him for the third time.


	6. Firsts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note, the story has now gone up to an E rating.

**Devilish**

**Chapter Six – Firsts**

Belle brushed an imaginary speck of dust off her dress, rocking back and forth on her heels as she waited for Aiden outside the diner. She’d wanted to keep things casual, and so had decided on Granny’s as the location for their first date so that there were no ridiculous expectations in play. She might have been a little bit overdressed for Granny’s, but since Aiden always appeared to be overdressed for any occasion, at least they would match in looking perhaps a little bit too snazzy. Of course, he had to arrive and they had to go in, first. The weather was just beginning to turn autumnal after a warm summer and Belle shivered, wishing that she had worn a cardigan under her light jacket. Still, she liked to think that she was looking good, even if she was getting a bit chilly.

As if it had been listening to her thoughts, the autumn edition of the catalogue had arrived on her doorstep that morning – all the models got their copies before the catalogue was sent out to everyone else – and it had taken an awful lot of self-control for Belle not to go rifling through the thing immediately looking for her own pictures. When she had found them, she couldn’t help but smile. She looked confident, powerful, comfortable in her own skin, and she knew that when it came down to it, all of that had come from within her. She picked out her friends as well, and she was even able to go through the naughty half of the catalogue without raising a blush, although she might not know what to say to Ruby the next time that they met up. Still, before that happened there was a date to be had, one that she was very much looking forward to.

"Hello, Belle." 

Aiden came around the corner, looking as dapper as ever in his suit, and immediately Belle's fears about being overdressed were quelled.

"Hey."

"You're looking lovely tonight," he said, and Belle smiled, for once not feeling that little blush of embarrassment rising in her cheeks and taking pride in the compliment.

"Thank you. You're looking good yourself, too. Shall we go in?"

The diner was busy and no-one paid them much mind as they entered and made their way into a free booth at the back. Granny came over with some menus for them but after taking their drinks order she left them to themselves, not making any mention of the fact it was unusual for her to see Belle in there with a partner after weeks of her coming in for pancakes and ice cream on her own. At least she wasn't making any motions of disapproval, and Belle began to feel a lot more confident that this fledgling relationship could really amount to something. Part of her new agenda for reinventing herself into her best self was not to worry about what everyone else's opinion of her was, but at the same time, it was reassuring to know that she wasn't going to have to contend with negative reactions when she was trying to be happy in herself. It was always easier to be one's best self when everyone else agreed what one's best self was. 

They had both ordered iced tea; Belle knew how giggly she got when she'd had a couple of glasses of wine and despite wanting to let her hair down, she really didn't think that she was ready to be quite that open in front of Aiden yet. They had been talking to each other for a while and it was not as if they were complete strangers on a blind date, but meeting for the first time in a romantic setting having not spoken to each other in person since her dramatic entry into his studio, she felt that she was entitled to be a bit nervous, especially when there was so much about him that she didn't know. Their conversation was a little stilted for a while, neither of them really knowing what to say now that they were saying it out loud and didn't have the option of deleting a message that was completely garbled. Here in real time and in person, there was no backspace button and everything could be remembered. 

"How are Neal and Emma?" Belle asked presently, and Aiden smiled. She had learned very quickly that his son was one topic of conversation that was pretty much guaranteed to get him talking easily. "Have they discovered what they're having yet?"

"No. I mean, they've had the twenty-week scan where they were going to find out, but in the end they decided that it would be better to keep it as a surprise, possibly so that they can keep arguing about it. Emma's convinced it's a boy and Neal's sure it's a girl, and I don't think they'll ever be resolved until they're actually holding him or her. And maybe not even then, considering how vehement they've got about it over the past few weeks. The last time I saw them they were vetoing each other's name choices. I thought it was best not to get involved."

"Yes, you're probably right." Belle enjoyed hearing about Aiden's family. It distracted her from having to talk about her own, which was... well, virtually non-existent. She still had her dad, obviously, but he was on completely the other side of the world to her and they had never been close ever since her mum had died. Other than that, her family consisted of the small group of friends that she had gathered around herself in the wake of her break-up from Gaston. Making friends was something that had always come easily to her before she'd met him; after all, in her line of work she met a lot of people coming in and out of the library and being a sociable person was definitely an asset. But over time, as insecurities had begun to creep up on her, so she had closed off to the outside world around her and she was only just opening up to it again. She was definitely looking forward to expanding her chosen family though, and if Aiden could be a part of that, then even better. She glanced down at her drink, swirling the straw around in the tea to distract her, and thankful when Granny returned to get their food order. 

Back when she had been with Gaston, he had always ordered for her. Proper food; he'd never just ordered her a salad whilst he tucked into steak, but he'd still taken that choice out of her hands, and now whenever Belle came into the diner, she took great pleasure in ordering a different thing off the menu every time, just because she could. Today, however, she came back to an old favourite. Hamburger with fries and all the trimmings. Aiden had the same with extra pickles, and it made her giggle because she really didn’t think of him as a pickle person. There was something about him that gave the air of being more refined than that, and knowing that he enjoyed greasy diner food just as much as she did made the entire situation feel more normal.

“I don’t get to have pickles very often when I go out to eat with Neal and Emma,” Aiden explained, somewhat sheepish, as their food came. “They’re one of the things that pregnancy has made Emma loathe and now she can’t stand the sight of them, let alone the smell or taste, so I have to eat them in secret.”

“Ok, the baby’s definitely going to be a girl then,” Belle said, and Aiden raised an eyebrow. She giggled. “It’s just an old wives’ tale. Women who crave pickles during their pregnancies will have a boy. I don’t claim to know if there’s any truth in it.”

“Oh dear. Emma will be disappointed.”

They fell silent for a few minutes as they ate, and then Aiden spoke again.

“I feel like I’ve been talking about myself all the time.”

Belle shrugged. “I don’t mind. I like hearing about you and your family.”

“That’s very gratifying to hear, but I’d like to hear about you and yours as well.”

“There’s not all that much to tell. My dad’s still in Australia, and I’m here. I guess that we’re about as close as we can be considering we’re on different continents.”

“So what brought you to America?” Aiden asked, before scrambling to grab a pickle that had fallen out of his burger.

“I wanted to see the world,” Belle said. It was the truth. She’d always intended to go around the world and her atlas still had so many stickers in the pages of all the places that she’d get to one day. “America was one of the places on the list. And then things happened and, well, I stayed here.”

“Small town Maine’s a funny place to stick around. Not that I’m judging you or anything, I mean, I live here too, after all.”

His ears had gone pink again, like Jefferson had pointed out on that afternoon when she’d rushed into the studio and they’d talked, and Belle bit her lip, not wanting to draw attention to the fact he was so sweetly flustered but finding it very endearing all the same.

“I met a guy in New York,” she said. It was the simple truth, and she didn’t really want to go into it any further than that. “So I stuck around for him for a while.” Longer than she should have, really, but Belle pushed that thought to the back of her mind. There was no sense in blaming herself for what she’d got into with Gaston, and there was even less sense in dwelling on past mistakes when she was in the middle of hopefully moving forward with her life and forgetting all about what had come before. “Then that all went south a while ago. But I’m still here. It feels like home. I’ve made a life for myself here.”

A life that she was beginning to live properly as her own person, rather than as an extension of Gaston.

“You’re very brave,” Aiden said, and there was nothing but admiration in his soft voice.

“Really?” Belle had never thought of herself as particularly brave, especially not during the last year or so. So much of what she’d done, she’d had to pep talk herself into.

Aiden nodded. “Yes, I think you are. You’ve moved countries - continents - and you’ve made a completely new life for yourself. Starting from scratch as it were. Whatever your reasons for coming and staying are, that’s still a huge achievement.”

At the positive affirmation, Belle sat a little straighter, proud of what she had achieved.

“What about yourself?” she asked. “I can tell that you’re not exactly local.”

Aiden shook his head with a smile. “No. I came over from Scotland when I was a boy. America’s been my home for as long as I can remember. Never did shake the accent though.”

“I like it,” Belle said. “I think it’s cute.”

Aiden was trying hard not to laugh; she could tell from the little quirk of his lips at the corners and the way he was suddenly very focussed on his hamburger.

“Yours is very cute too,” he said. “And it’s always nice to meet someone who’s come from elsewhere. We foreigners need to stick together.”

“We do.”

They fell back into silence for a while. Belle was glad that he hadn’t pressed any further into Gaston and what had happened there, but then again, it wasn’t really first date material. Previous relationships were just that, previous. They were in the present, and what had come before didn’t matter.

“Could you…” She indicated the bottle of ketchup and Aiden passed it over without a word, their fingertips brushing against each other as she grabbed it. They both noticed the little touch; it would have been hard not to. It was warm, almost electric, even though it lasted for all of a split second. Aiden just smiled and took his hand off the bottle, and everything went back to normal, as if it had never happened, none of that embarrassed awkwardness that was always so prevalent in the movies when the boy and girl accidentally on purpose touched hands. They continued to eat and talk, sharing little snippets of information about themselves, opening up more and more as the evening drew on.

As much as she was enjoying the date, Belle knew that she really couldn’t drag it out any longer, and it was going to have to come to a close. They had lingered over dessert, and now Gold was signing the check, even though it had been Belle’s idea to come out he had insisted on paying, which made Belle wonder that perhaps she had beaten him to the punch when it came to asking her out and was somewhat relieved that she had made the first move. Belle didn’t mind making the first move, especially when Aiden seemed hesitant and nervous. It was a strange look on him, as she had only ever seen him in his natural environment before, when he was calm and comfortable and in control of his domain. Now he was out of his comfort zone, just as she was, and it was endearing to know that she was not the only one who was a little scared about taking this next step in the relationship.

“Are you all right getting home?” he asked her as they left the diner, and Belle shivered in the evening air; the muggy heat in the busy diner had made her forget how cold it had been outside beforehand. She nodded.

“Yes, I don’t live too far from here, it’s a short walk.”

“I could walk with you if you’d like.”

Although she’d been to his studio and knew where it was in relation to everywhere else in the town, she had no idea where he actually lived, and had no idea if accompanying her would take him out of his way or not. Belle was about to open her mouth to protest something along those lines, but then she stopped. Why shouldn’t he walk her home? If he had offered then that meant that he must want to, and it would prolong their time together for just a few minutes more.

“That would be lovely,” she said with a smile, and she took his offered arm, his body warm beside hers as they made their way through the streets towards the library. Neither of them spoke, but that was all right. The silence was heavy, but during the course of the evening they had got past the point of it being screamingly awkward all the time.

“Thank you for tonight,” Belle said as they finally came up on the library. “I had a really good evening.”

“Me too. Perhaps we can do it again some time?”

There was an unsureness in his voice, but also a great deal of hope, a hope that Belle was feeling herself.

“Yes,” she said definitively. “Yes, I would like that a lot.”

“Great.” His smile was practically schoolboy-ish; it made the few lines in his face melt away in the sulphur light of the street lamp they were standing under, and took years of worry and nervousness from his expression. “Well, keep in touch.”

“Of course.”

There was something hanging unspoken in the air between them, and Belle decided that if she was going to seize the day, then there was no time like the present. She went up on tiptoes and pressed her lips against Aiden’s. He gave a little squeak of surprise but returned the brief pressure, and he was smiling as she pulled away from the kiss.

“I’ll see you soon,” Belle said. It was a statement, not a question, and Aiden nodded.

“See you soon, Belle.”

As she got into her flat, Belle waited until she was sure that Aiden’s footsteps had died away and she would not be able to hear her before letting out an excited little squeal and dancing around on the spot, hugging herself tightly. He’d kissed her. She’d kissed him. They’d kissed. It felt like something out of a teen movie, her getting so incredibly excited about this fact, but something in the back of her mind was telling her that she was more excited about the fact that she felt perfectly ok with this turn of events. Nothing was telling her that she was moving too fast and she ought to be freaking out about the whole thing. Nothing was telling her to take a step back. She had wanted this, she was moving at her own pace. Perhaps that was a little quicker than she had thought it would be, but everything about that kiss had felt right. Sure, it was just a chaste, dry kiss, it wasn’t like they’d been sticking their tongues down each other’s throats on the first date, but it meant that she had absolutely no qualms as to where they stood. They were dating, officially, after a few weeks of their relationship being somewhat undefined, friends but a little bit more than that. Belle didn’t think that their date could have gone all that much better, really. They’d received a few funny looks from the other patrons of the diner, but Granny, who took no-nonsense from anyone and who really didn’t care who dated whom in her establishment as long as they were respectful towards each other and paid their tab, had put paid to any snide comments. Of course, there had always been the odd awkward moment when neither of them really knew what to say, but that was only to be expected. It wouldn’t be a proper first date without the awkward moments. If everything had gone very smoothly then she’d be worried about what was going to go wrong further down the line.

Still in something of a dreamworld, Belle moved through the apartment to her bedroom, reliving the evening as she got ready for bed, memorising the little details that would keep her going until they met up again, or at least until she met Ruby and Ariel who would undoubtedly ask for a detailed date post-mortem. They’d both been instrumental in getting her to make that first step and Belle knew that if she thought that their interest and involvement would end there then she would be disappointed. She thought of the way that Aiden’s hand had brushed against hers when he’d handed her the ketchup, and how neither of them had pulled away in embarrassment. The memory of it sent a little tingle through her veins, and not for the first time in the last few days, Belle found her thoughts wending in the direction of the discreet cardboard box in her winter sock drawer that still, despite her conversation with Ariel, had yet to be opened and investigated to its full potential.

Tonight however, was going to be the night. That thrumming tension that her friend had joked about was stoking itself in the pit of her stomach, fanning what was usually just a few little embers into something that resembled a full-on flame, and she wondered if creating mood lighting for a (hopefully) steamy sex session with oneself was going overboard. They always said that being relaxed was the key to having a good orgasm, and Belle knew all about being too tense or agitated to make it to the finish line. It was the story of her life, both with Gaston and during her few attempts to achieve solo pleasure with her fingers. She’d always managed to get about halfway there and then plateau and start thinking, and thinking was not good.

Still, hopefully all that would change soon enough, and having read the vibrator’s instructions (not that there was much to read – turn on, have fun, turn off was pretty much the extent of it), she shimmied her pyjama shorts down her legs and slipped an exploratory hand between her thighs, cupping her mound and fingering gently along her folds. It still felt a little strange to feel her curls down there after years of waxing them off, but she’d made the decision that she wasn’t going through that pain for anyone ever again, and if any new partner didn’t like it then he could fuck right off.

She slipped two fingers into her folds, opening her up and finding the first traces of her arousal already. Gold’s lips had been warm on hers and she closed her eyes, allowing herself to fully indulge in a little fantasy and imagine what it would be like to feel him kiss her between her legs and have him bring her off with his mouth. Her hips wriggled, body needy and ready for more stimulation, and she clicked the vibrator on.

The sound of it buzzing distracted her for a moment, bringing her out of her little fantasy with a jolt, but she closed her eyes again, letting herself get used to the sound and the feel and weight of it in her hand. It was only a small thing, just a simple little bullet designed for beginners, but she could already tell that it was going to be powerful against such sensitive skin. Carefully she brought it to the crease where her thigh met her body, running it along the line and letting the vibrations get closer and closer to where they were going to end up. She couldn’t stop her hips from jerking, and Belle had to wonder if she had always been this wriggly in bed. Normally she’d just lain there waiting for something to happen until Gaston had rolled off her and gone to sleep, his actions telling her in no uncertain terms that it was over and if she hadn’t had a good time then that was on her.

She moved the little toy onto her labia and gasped at the intense sensation, almost dreading to think what would happen if she put it directly on her clit. She was definitely sticky and slippery now, her face flushed and breathing hard, eyes fluttering closed as she moved the vibrator into her slit and touched the very tip of it to her clit.

Belle screamed, and immediately clapped a hand over her mouth although there was no-one around to hear her unless someone had decided to burgle the library below. The feeling was mind-blowing although it had been over in all of a second, it was too much for her to handle and she quickly clicked the vibrator off, letting her heart return to a normal pace before she decided if she wanted to try again. Shakily, she put it to the side and dabbed at her clit with one fingertip. The touch sent another jolt of pleasure through her veins, the little nub of nerves still hypersensitive from the vibrator. Her fingers felt strangely soothing afterwards as she stroked lightly, trying to get her back to where she had been before, almost at the edge. Her bum was wriggling again, hips bucking to try and get more, and she picked up the vibrator and switched it on again, putting it near her clit but not directly on it. That was better, the vibrations were still stimulating her and building her up towards the peak, but she didn’t feel like she was in danger of a heart attack any time soon. Belle closed her eyes and tried to clear her mind, and just focus on the pleasure that she was feeling. Nothing else mattered, just her and her fingers and this blissful release that had been so very long in coming.

Before, Belle had been worried that she wouldn’t be able to tell when she’d had an orgasm, but the moment that she felt that climax for the first time, she realised that she really shouldn’t have been concerned. She had never felt anything quite like it, like a starburst pulsing through her veins, radiating out from between her thighs and warming her blood all through her. She switched the vibrator off and just lay staring at the ceiling for a moment, feeling tears welling in her eyes for reasons that she really couldn’t fathom. Crying over an orgasm was something new; she’d read enough romance and erotica in her time but none of them had ever had a woman start sobbing after she’d come. Perhaps it was just the release of tension, and the act of letting go had caused all those worries that she had caged up tight inside to come out. It wasn’t her fault. She wasn’t just some weird freak of nature who couldn’t have orgasms no matter how hard she tried. She’d just never had the right tools, or indeed the right partner, to hand. That such emotion could come from a place of such joy made sense in a way, but Belle was too busy crying tears of relief into her pillow to think on it too much.

As she finally came back to herself and her tears dried, Belle started up at the dark ceiling. It felt like something had changed, like something truly momentous had happened and that the universe somehow knew about it. It was almost like when she got her first period, except an infinitely more pleasurable experience. Back then, she had been certain that there was some kind of neon sign above her head as she walked around, announcing to the world that Aunt Flo was in town and broadcasting this rite of passage. The same thing was happening now, a kind of rite of passage that she was certain would be visible in her face come morning when she was out and about, something about her manner and bearing that would let everyone know that she’d finally had her first orgasm. As mortified as she was by the thought of everyone knowing, it was a momentous enough thing that she thought she really ought to tell someone about it. Calling Ariel in the middle of the night wasn’t going to be an option, but her friend had been badgering her to try out the vibrator for weeks now, ever since she got it, and she’d be pleased to know that it had finally served its purpose.

Belle drifted off into a satisfied, dreamless sleep, disconnected thoughts drifting through her head. Things were going well. She’d had a successful date and she’d made her intentions towards Aiden very clear, intentions that he had accepted and seemed to reciprocate. They were moving in the right direction, and perhaps for the first time since she had left Gaston, Belle felt that finding lasting love again was not going to be impossible.


	7. Pep Talk and Projection

**Devilish**

**Chapter Seven – Pep Talk and Projection**

“So, how are things going with Belle?”

Gold was sitting in the living room of Neal and Emma’s apartment having enjoyed a meal of ordered-in Chinese after Neal’s attempts at home-cooking had gone slightly awry. This was a regular occurrence whenever he visited his son, but Neal’s unfailing sense of optimism would never let him just admit defeat and would always send him back into the kitchen to try and cook something for his father whenever he came, no matter how doomed to becoming charcoal the meal might be.

“All right.” Gold had to wonder, really, how were things going with Belle? They had been on a few dates and they had certainly been talking a lot, but it felt like things had reached something of a plateau, and he wasn’t sure where to go from there. Someone needed to make a move towards something sooner or later, but neither of them were comfortable making it.

“Are you sure?” Neal raised an eyebrow and topped up Gold’s whisky tumbler. “You know, I don’t know why we keep this here, you’re the only one who ever drinks it, you might as well take it with you.”

“Hey!” Emma protested. “I drink it sometimes. Well, not right now and not for the foreseeable future, but whisky doesn’t go off. Besides, we might need it to knock this one out.” She rubbed her belly, definitely visible now, undeniable proof of Gold’s impending grandfatherhood. “He’s started moving around in there now.”

“She,” Neal corrected.

“Let’s not get into this argument again, at least not whilst your dad’s here,” Emma said. “We ought to at least try and look like we’re civilised.”

“Considering how long I’ve known you two, it would be something of a challenge to convince me of that,” Gold said dryly, at which Neal took mock offence and Emma fell about laughing. Eventually the mirth died down and Neal returned to the conversation topic at hand.

“You don’t sound too convinced that things with Belle are all right,” he said, and Gold shifted awkwardly in his seat.

“It’s complicated,” he said. “I just want to be sure that I’m doing this for the right reasons. There are so many things stacked up against it that I don’t want it to all fall down around my ears when I think I’ve found something good. I don’t want to turn out to have been fooling myself because I was desperate.”

“Right.” Neal gave his father a look that spoke volumes. “That got a lot deeper than I was intending, but since we’re getting you drunk and you seem to be talkative, do you want to elaborate on that?” he asked. “Like why you feel you might be desperate?”

“I was feeling old,” Gold admitted. “I mean, I still can’t quite come to terms with the fact that I’m about to have a grandchild. And Belle’s a lovely young woman and I don’t want to wake up one day and realise that I’ve just been acting on impulse trying to reclaim my lost youth. That wouldn’t be fair on her, especially…” He trailed off, remembering that Neal and Emma didn’t know the exact details of how he had met Belle, just assuming that she was a friend of Ella’s whom he’d been set up with in one of Ella’s many fruitless schemes to get some love back into his life. Normally he had just laughed off her efforts, but this time she had managed to inadvertently create something that looked like it could be truly wonderful.

Neal was still looking at him, waiting for him to finish the sentence, and Gold realised that he had come a little bit too far to back out of it now. Probably best to get it out in the open here and have his son know that he was well on his way to becoming a dirty old man than have it come out later once his relationship with Belle became more established. Well, if it ever became more established. Belle was so different from either of his previous wives that he had no idea what the next move in their dating life ought to be. Perhaps he should wait for her to make it.

“Especially considering how we met,” he finished at last.

“I thought Ella introduced you?”

“She did, in a way.” Gold sighed. “I met her at the _Devilish_ photoshoot for the autumn catalogue; she was modelling.”

To his intense surprise, Neal and Emma did not seem at all perturbed by this.

“Why would that make a difference?” Neal asked. “People have met and got together in weirder circumstances.” He glanced over at Emma. “Car theft, for example.”

“Yeah, don’t rub it in,” Emma muttered.

“It makes all the difference!” Gold exclaimed. “When we met I was in a position of power over her; she was the model in her underwear and I was the photographer. There are enough stories out there of photographers dating their models and using them in horrible ways, and the last thing I want is for Belle to think that’s all I am, just another sleazy photographer looking to get in her knickers.”

“Dad, as much as I really don’t want to think about you getting in anyone’s knickers, the sleazy photographer types usually try to get some straight away in the studio. They don’t usually have online friendships for weeks after meeting in the studio and then go on several dates. That’s not usually how it works. Besides, you said that she asked you out the first time. Do you think she would have done that if she thought that you were some kind of predator looking to score with her?”

“Well…” Now that Neal had put it like that, it did make sense. Belle was calling the shots in their relationship so far; he hadn’t pressured her into taking any further steps in it. With that one simple sentence, he realised that at least he knew now where their relationship would go. Although the tension and need for something more was heavy in the air between them, Gold knew that all he had to do was wait for Belle to make the next move. If she had been bold enough to sign up for the catalogue and bold enough to ask him out, then she could be bold enough to take the next step, and Gold could be confident in his opinion of her.

“And after all, you’ve been taking photos of women in less than their underwear for a long time, and Belle’s the first one you’ve ever had any intention of pursuing,” Emma continued.

“Not for want of trying on the models’ part, sometimes,” Gold muttered, thinking of Zelena and her antics. Hopefully she had got the message by now that he was not at all interested in her, and her attempts to garner his attention were falling by the wayside.

“Wait.” Emma grinned. “You said that you photographed her for the latest catalogue, right?”

“Yes.”

Emma rummaged down the back of the sofa and behind her and gave a cry of triumph as she came up holding the latest _Devilish_ catalogue.

“We can find out what she looks like now!”

“No!” Gold sprang across the room and grabbed the catalogue out of Emma’s hands. “No, I am not having the first time you see her being in her underwear.”

“Why not?” Emma lightly tugged the catalogue back out of his hands and began to flick through it. “That first time you saw her she was in her underwear, and I’ve already looked through this catalogue enough times that I’ll technically have already seen her, I just don’t know who she is yet. If she’s happy enough to have her photo in a catalogue, then she’s prepared for people who’ve never met her to see it.”

“Fine.” Gold had to concede defeat on that score, as incredibly uncomfortable as it felt for him to be introducing his son and future daughter-in-law to his girlfriend via the medium of a lingerie catalogue. “Page twenty-two, she’s in turquoise.”

Emma flipped back and showed the spread to Neal, who gave an approving nod.

“She’s pretty. A bit younger than I was expecting, but she looks nice enough.”

“Please don’t remind me how much of an age gap there is,” Gold said. “I’m probably old enough to be her father.”

“Dad, you’re only as old as you feel, and if you get along with her, then there’s no reason why it can’t work. We’re all rooting for you here and you keep trying to find reasons to shoot this relationship down.” Neal’s tone had turned from teasing to serious and he closed the catalogue, handing it back to Emma who shoved it back down behind the sofa cushions.

“Dad,” he continued, “are you sure that you want to keep going with this thing or are you trying to project all your own insecurities out onto us so that you don’t have to feel bad about breaking up with Belle because you can use the excuse that your family disapproves? If you don’t want to date her anymore, then don’t date her anymore, but don’t try to give us ammunition to break this up for you, because it’s not going to work. You deserve to be happy and you deserve to be in a relationship, Dad. And considering how bad you are at meeting people, then this is something like a once in a lifetime opportunity for you to actually get out there and try to find a new partner.”

Gold sighed, perhaps Neal was right and he was looking for excuses to end this before it had even begun, but at the same time, he could not for the life of him fathom why he was doing such a thing. He liked Belle, he liked her a lot and it was the type of like that could and would grow into love if he left it any longer. And it was love that he was looking for; he was too old and set in his ways to settle for anything less. As he thought about it in essence, Gold realised what the problem was, even if he didn’t really want to admit it to his son. He was scared. After the failure of his relationships with Milah and Cora, he was afraid of many things when it came to his relationship with Belle. It was the same fear that had kept him from pursuing any kind of romantic angles for so long before he had met her, the fear that it would all go down the tubes like his previous relationships had done.

And a small part of him that he was trying to deny existed but that was slowly taking over the rest of his brain, was scared that it was all his fault. There had to be a reason why his marriages had ended so abruptly, and given the differences between Cora and Milah, the only common denominator that he could find in both of them was himself. If he was the cause of the downfall, then it was guaranteed that he was going to be the downfall of his relationship with Belle.

“Dad?” Neal’s voice brought him back out of his downward spiral of thought with a jolt and he looked over at his son, giving him a smile which he could immediately tell from Neal’s reaction was not at all convincing. Neal raised an eyebrow. “You were miles away. I thought we’d lost you in a pit of despair and self-loathing.”

“I just don’t want to ruin it all,” Gold said.

“Well, ending it before it’s had chance to get going is a sure-fire way of doing just that,” Neal pointed out. “What makes you think you’ll ruin it anyway?”

It was Gold’s turn to raise an eyebrow. “My track record with women isn’t exactly stellar.”

“Yeah, but from what I know of her, Belle isn’t exactly Milah and Cora material,” Neal said. “Look, I know you don’t want to get hurt again and I can completely understand that. I don’t want you to get hurt either and in any other circumstances I would probably be checking her out to make sure she’s not after your fortune because I want to get my hands on that, but I think you might be onto something here and the last thing I want you to do is panic and self-sabotage. You’re very good at that.”

Gold had to concede that point.

“So whatever misgivings you have, you should get rid of them now and just go for it. Seize the day.”

“That’s what Ella keeps telling me to do.”

“Well, take her advice then,” Emma said. “Of all the people whose advice you take, Ella’s never let you down yet, so I say to take advantage of that. If she thinks you should go for it, then you should definitely go for it.”

They were all making very valid arguments, Gold could see that. He really ought to stop second-guessing himself knowing that there were so many people who were encouraging him onwards, and that those same people would have his back if it didn’t end up working out in the end. It wasn’t going to be a litany of ‘I told you so’. And if Neal seemed to like Belle without having met her yet, then that was a definite point in her favour. He had only been a kid when Gold had met Cora on the rebound from Milah and that disaster had happened so he hadn’t really had all that much say in it, but Gold had known even at the time that there was no love lost between Neal and his short-lived stepmother.

“Not taking the chance to be happy because you’re afraid to get hurt means that you won’t get hurt,” Neal continued, “but it’s also likely to mean that you won’t be happy. I know that things haven’t worked out in the past, but that doesn’t mean that they’re not going to work out this time. You need to have hope, Dad.”

“I do have hope!” Gold protested. “I just don’t have all that much of it.”

“I think you need to trust in your own ability to be happy,” Neal said.

“I know. I just can’t help wondering what’s going to happen however many months, weeks, days down the line when she realises that I’m not the man she signed up for.”

Neal raised an eyebrow. “What the hell is that supposed to mean? Have you been pretending to be someone else for the last couple of months of dating?”

“Of course not.”

“Then why on earth would she discover that you’re not the man she signed up for? Are you planning to turn into someone else?”

“No.”

“Then…” Neal threw his hands up in defeat. “I have absolutely no idea where you’re going with this, dad. What is going to change in the future that will suddenly make Belle see you in a completely different light?”

Although his son was an adult with a child of his own on the way, discussing sex with him was not a thing that ever got any easier. He couldn’t exactly tell Neal that he was worried that once he and Belle went to bed together that he was terrified that he was going to let her down in one way or another having gone so long without female company.

Emma, however, appeared to have cottoned on to his train of thought and was just smirking at him. Neal’s gaze flicked between the two of them as Gold cleared his throat awkwardly, and it took him a moment before he realised what the unspoken conversation was about, and he groaned, scrubbing his hands over his face.

“Oh no, no, we’re not going to talk about that.”

“We’re not talking about it,” Emma said helpfully. “We’re not talking about anything.”

“No, but I can tell that you’re thinking about it and that’s even worse. We’re not going to even think about it. Dad, you and Belle are going to be fine and if I can try and go back to the happy misappreciation that your relationship will remain forever celibate then I’m going to do that.”

“Besides, Mr G,” Emma said with a sly wink. “They do always say that practice makes perfect in these kinds of scenarios. I don’t think you’ll have anything to worry about once you get going.”

“I’m not listening!” Neal exclaimed, shoving his fingers in his ears and closing his eyes. For his part, Gold just focussed very intently on the whisky glass in his hand, trying to pretend that he wasn’t having this conversation.

Emma’s words rang entirely true. The first time was never going to be the stuff of legends and fireworks. It hadn’t been in any of his previous sexual relationships, and there was no point in thinking that this one was going to be any different, but at the same time, for all those relationships had eventually failed, they had failed for different reasons than that, and those reasons were hopefully not ones that would feature in his relationship with Belle.

There were still a lot of niggling little doubts in the back of his mind telling him that everything was going to go wrong, that it had always gone wrong before so there was no reason for them to go right now. But at the same time, he couldn’t deny that being with Belle made him happy, and that not being with her would make him miserable, and only someone with a very strange sense of self-preservation would choose to be miserable when they had the option to be happy on the basis that they might be miserable in the future if they chose to be happy now.

Gold smiled, and perhaps for the first time, he had a hope that everything would turn out for the best in the end.

X

“So…” Ruby took a sip of her cocktail and surveyed Belle critically over the rim of her cocktail glass. “How are things going with the lovely Aiden then? It must be at least a month now since we were pulling you off a ledge about asking him out on a date.”

Belle stirred her rum and coke with the straw and gave Ruby a coy little smirk. They were having a girls’ night out and she was feeling pleasantly fuzzy, her tongue loosened by the Bacardi, and for the first time in a long time she felt confident in discussing her romantic life with her friends. For so long, she had been in a little limbo of not really knowing what to do with herself, and second-guessing every decision that she made. Now, no longer. Things were moving in the direction that she wanted them to, at the speed she wanted them too. In fact, Belle wouldn’t be averse if they picked up the pace a little bit, but she appreciated that it had been a very long time since Aiden had last begun a relationship and that her previous experiences left quite a lot to be desired. Still, she was very happy with where they were, and after all the light-hearted teasing that she had received from Ruby over the past few weeks since she first sent that email asking for a first date, it was time to do some teasing of her own.

Ruby narrowed her eyes. “You know, I’m not quite sure what that expression’s supposed to mean,” she said. “Has something happened? Something...  interesting?”

“Define interesting?” Belle said, trying to feign innocence.

“You know.” Unfortunately Ruby was a master of playing this game, much more than Belle was, and she could turn the tables on a dime. “We both know that he’s seen you in your underwear, but have we reached the stage of him seeing you in slightly less than that?”

Belle didn’t reply for a long time, letting Ruby try to puzzle it out, but then she shook her head.

“No, we haven’t reached that stage yet. I’m not a third date kind of girl. After everything that happened with Gaston, I think it’s going to take time.”

“Well, more power to you. At least you know that when you do get there, he’s got the vast benefits of experience. You know what they say about older men.” She waggled her eyebrows and Belle’s confident facade cracked as she erupted into embarrassed and slightly tipsy giggles, unable to look Ruby in the eye for a solid minute and a half.

“I’m not sure it’ll be like that, he hasn’t been in a relationship for fourteen years.”

“Ouch. That’s a long dry spell. It’s a wonder his equipment hasn’t fallen off. But still, I stand by my original statement. And hey, you never know. With all that boudoir photography he does, he might have something up his sleeve for setting the mood, and as long as you’re in the mood, then I think that’s half the battle really.”

Belle raised an eyebrow. “Boudoir photography?”

“Yeah. You know. Glamour shots.”

“Like, nudes?”

“Yes.” The music in the bar seemed too loud and jarring all of a sudden and Ruby tipped her head on one side. “You didn’t know he did those kind of shoots, did you?”

Belle shook her head, and she wondered why it had never come up in conversation. Well, she knew exactly why it hadn’t come up in conversation, because it wasn’t really the kind of thing that you brought up over dinner.

“Well, I’m not surprised,” Ruby says. “He doesn’t advertise the fact; he’ll only do them on request.” She paused. “I haven’t gone and caused a major catastrophe in your relationship, have I?”

Belle shook her head. She wasn’t jealous; she had never been the jealous type. It was just a sudden revelation, that was all. She knew how much Aiden had agonised over taking that step from friends to more than friends with her considering how they had first met, so she really didn’t have anything to worry about in terms of him suddenly running off and sleeping with one of his naked models. She just hadn’t thought about him doing boudoir photography before. All his regular photography that she had seen had always kept the clothes very firmly on, indeed, it was something that Belle had noted when she had first been researching him prior to the catalogue shoot. It made the fact that he only did boudoir photography on request even more prominent; that he never just shot naked women for the aesthetic or because he fancied it.

For a few moments, a cascade of thoughts began in her head, each one more insidious than the one before as she thought about all the undressed women he must have seen over the course of his career as a photography, both in the context of the _Devilish_ catalogue and in his everyday work. She wondered how she would compare with them when the time finally came for him to see her in the nude. Would she measure up? She shook her head violently, trying to get rid of the thoughts. They weren’t exactly doing anything to help her self-esteem and she had been trying to get out of that negative spiral for a long time now. Her relationship with Aiden had definitely helped in that regard, and she didn’t want to mar it now with the memories of all the self-doubt she had harboured whilst she had been with Gaston.

“Belle?” Ruby waved a hand in front of her face. “Are you ok?”

“What? Yes, yes, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” Ruby didn’t seem at all convinced. “I mentioned boudoir photography and you just kind of spaced out for a while, I thought I’d lost you to another dimension.”

“No, no, I was just thinking.”

“About boudoir photography?”

“No. About me.”

Although now that Ruby had mentioned it, she was finding her thoughts wending in that direction. She had never really given the matter much thought before; it wasn’t something that she came across in everyday life, which was probably understandable, and it wasn’t something that she had ever considered before. But in trying to take her mind off what Aiden might think of her when comparing her to some of the other models that he had photographed, and trying to put her head into a more positive space, she had gone off into a little daydream in which everything was well in the world and Aiden was taking pictures of her naked. Just to keep between the two of them, of course, nothing like the catalogue. Their little secret.

“You’re blushing,” Ruby observed, and the comment brought Belle out of her little dream world with a cough.

“Yes. Well. Erm, another drink?” She drained the rest of her rum and coke rather too quickly and tried not to choke as the bubbles went up her nose. “I’ll buy.”

“All right, I’ll have another cosmo.” Ruby was wearing a wry little smile that made it all too plain that she knew exactly what Belle was thinking about, but she dutifully let her friend get away for a few moments to calm herself down. Belle shook her head again as she neared the bar. Her mind was getting away from her. She had to actually get to the stage of Aiden seeing her naked first before they went any further than that, and they might never even get to that stage if she didn’t make a move soon. She wondered if perhaps she was moving too quickly. She’d said to Ruby that she’d wanted to take things slowly, at her own pace, but she wasn’t really too sure what her own pace was as she had never taken things at it before. Was it possible that she was being too cautious? Being afraid of repeating her mistakes was one thing, but maybe she was taking it a bit too far.

Belle got the drinks in and made her way back to Ruby; Ariel and Mulan had rejoined them by this point as well and Ariel gave her friend a smile.

“Something’s gotten into you,” she said. “You’ve got that brightness in your eyes and that little smile on your face that says ‘I may barely be five feet tall but I’m damn well going to conquer the world.”

“Maybe not the entire world just yet,” Belle said sagely, taking a sip of her coke. Perhaps it was time to stop being so cautious and pick up her pace a little if that was what she wanted to do. She kept thinking about it, after all, and that probably was a good sign that she wanted to move things on a little. It certainly seemed like things were pointing in the right direction.

Maybe, just maybe, seizing the day and becoming the person she’d always felt she had the ability to be could have come with some totally unexpected love along the way.


	8. A Moment Of Truth

**Devilish**

**Chapter Eight – A Moment of Truth**

All throughout the evening, Belle had been getting the feeling that something was going to happen. There was something different in the air tonight, something that made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up in a good way and that sent tingles down her spine in anticipation of what would come next. They had decided to step their dates up a little, moving from Granny’s diner to the chic Italian restaurant on the edge of town, and although Belle had walked from her library apartment, she got the feeling that she would not be walking back to it. At least, not alone. She wondered if perhaps she was taking things too fast, moving on too quickly after everything that had happened with Gaston, but she pushed the feeling down. She wanted this to happen, and she was going to make it happen. For the past couple of months she had lived by the philosophy of seizing the moment, and this particular moment was definitely ready to be seized. Feel the fear and do it anyway, that was her new motto. Even if she wasn’t feeling very brave, as long as she did the brave thing and put all her little niggling worries behind her, she knew that there was a lot of enjoyment to be had.

She had been eyeing up Aiden all evening, and once they had moved on to dessert it became clear that he was looking at her in the same way. Belle had never been very confident in flirting, but there was something in Aiden’s eyes as he watched her eat her tiramisu that told her that she didn’t really need to put any effort into it when apparent just seeing a spoon disappear between her lips was enough to make his eyes darken with lust. It was a good look on him, one that she hoped she’d get to see again very soon. The conversation had long since petered out but they had reached the point in their dating where silence was becoming more comfortable, and neither of them felt the need to fill it with inane small talk. As they waited for the check, Aiden reached across the table and interlaced his fingers with hers, the gesture small and romantic, but something in his expression adding that extra little layer of erotic to it, making Belle’s stomach flip-flop with nerves and excitement.

It all came to a head outside the restaurant, at the moment when they might ordinarily have parted or Gold would have offered to walk home with her. Instead, he kissed her right there and then, rather than waiting until they were on her doorstep like he normally did. It was almost intoxicating, the way he kissed, and Belle couldn’t get enough of it. She could feel the heat rising in the pit of her stomach like it had done after each of their previous dates, but this time there was something else in there, something that was telling her not to let go. She didn’t ever want to stop kissing this man, and if some other things happened as a result of that, then she was more than happy for them to. It was a sort of surrender in her head; she was gladly hoisting the white flag and giving her heart and soul into this kiss. Even when she’d been with Gaston, she didn’t think that she’d ever wanted or needed him as much as she wanted Aiden now. His eyes were bright as she pulled away, and there was a tinge of pink in his cheeks. She thought there was, at least, it was hard to tell in the light of the street lamp they were standing under.

“Would you perhaps like to come back for coffee?” he asked her.

They both knew that he was not talking about coffee, or not just coffee, but Belle didn’t mind the old cliché. They were both on the same page, thinking the same thing, wanting the same thing, and she nodded.

“I’d like that very much, Aiden. Thank you.”

He took her hand then and guided her around the corner of the restaurant to where his car was parked, the sleek black Cadillac that Belle had seen around town at various times, including outside the photography studio, but that she had never associated with him.

“This is your car?”

“Yes. Is there a problem?” He sounded genuinely concerned, and Belle just shook her head, completely gobsmacked at how she could have missed the connection.

“No, not at all,” she said. “I just hadn’t realised that this was your car.” She looked up at him, giving a coy smile. “I like it. I think it suits you, with your sharp suits and your cool demeanour all the time. I don’t think there’s a better car than a Cadillac for you.”

Aiden chuckled and opened the passenger door for her. “Well, your chariot awaits.”

The interior of the car was just as plush and pristine as the outside was, and Belle had to wonder if this was the car he used every day for work, because she really couldn’t see him carting around a bunch of photography equipment in it all the time. Still, she remained silent as they drove through Storybrooke’s quiet streets towards Gold’s home. The attraction and sexual tension was hanging heavy in the air between them, both of them snatching glances at each other throughout the journey and neither of them making any attempt to hide it; why should they? They were both adults after all, and both of them enjoyed the pursuits that they were about to undertake.

Thinking about it, for the first time Belle began to feel a little nervousness at the prospect of going to bed with Aiden. She knew that she had nothing to worry about in terms of her appearance; her trips to _Devilish_ and her little modelling stint had left her feeling comfortable in her own skin, and it was one advantage to the unorthodox way in which they met that meant she already knew what Aiden thought of her with most of her clothes off. There were still more clothes to take off, but getting down to underwear was half that battle already won.

No, Belle was slightly more concerned about the act itself. Aiden would be the first time she’d had a partner in bed since Gaston, and she could remember only too well how things had gone when she had been with him. She had a much better idea of what she liked now, but she couldn’t help the old fears that she would not be good enough in some way. She trusted Aiden, there was no way she would be going back to his house with the intention of sleeping with him if she didn’t, but would she be able to relax enough for an orgasm? What would he think of her if she didn’t have one? Would that be a reflection on him or her?

She pushed the thoughts to the back of her mind crossly as the car pulled into the driveway.

“We’re here.”

Belle looked across at him, meeting his shy little smile. For all he seemed so confident in his everyday life, when she had seen him interacting with models at the photoshoot and with clients in his studio, she thought it was sweet that with her there was that little uncertainty. His hand moved across, hovering over hers where they were clutched tightly around her purse, but he didn’t touch her.

“Are you all right?” he asked. “I can take you home if you want, it’s no trouble.”

Belle shook her head and took his hand in hers, squeezing.

“No. I’m just a bit nervous, that’s all. It’s… been a while.”

Aiden nodded his understanding. “It’s been a while for me too.” He nodded towards the house. “Shall we?”

Belle smiled.

“Yes. We shall.”

X

Aiden cursed himself inwardly as he handed Belle out of the car and they made their way up to the house. He really shouldn’t have reminded her that it had been a long time for him, because however long it had been for her, there really wasn’t much chance that it was longer than him. There were dry spells and then there were dry spells, and not having had sexual company outside of his own hand for over a decade was one hell of a dry spell. With any luck she wouldn’t put the end of his previous marriage down as the last time he’d had sex with a woman and therefore wouldn’t be wondering if he would be able to perform to any kind of standard she held. Gold was already worrying enough about that for the both of them. Perhaps he could stall. Maybe she really did just want coffee after all, but this notion was put firmly out of his head once they were inside the house with the door locked behind them, and she slipped one hand into his, the other coming up to cup his face and pull him in for a kiss. It was a firm kiss, not fierce or passionate per se but confident, the kiss of a woman who has made up her mind and knows what she wants.

“No coffee after all then?” he joked as their lips parted, and she looked up at him with eyes brimming with desire.

“Only if you want some,” she said.

Gold shook his head and squeezed her hand, putting the lights on and leading her up the stairs towards his bedroom. This was the Belle that he had seen by the end of their day of catalogue shooting, the confident Belle who had grown into her own and who was comfortable with herself, and he felt a certain pride in knowing that he had helped her come to that place. He had no doubt that she would have reached it on her own eventually had she been given the chance, but being able to give her a boost like that had done something for his own confidence as well. When they had first met those few months ago, he would never have thought that this would be happening now, and he could scarcely believe that it was happening even though the scene was unfolding in front of his eyes. At least he had the comfort of knowing that his bedroom would be clean and tidy; as cluttered as it might be with knick-knacks he tried not to let it get messy just so that he could be assured of finding things rather than out of any preparation for unexpected female company. He kept the light dim, just the reading lamp by the side of the bed. He already knew that Belle looked absolutely stunning under her clothes, but once he got down to his own underpants he didn’t hold out much hope of her finding him as beautiful as he did her. Soft and kind light would be their friend for this first time; as tempting as total darkness was it was no good with a partner whose body one didn’t know by touch alone.

Belle sat down on the bed and patted the space beside her, making herself at home. Her ease was enough to put him at ease as well, and she kicked off her shoes, curling her feet up under her just as she had done in the chair whilst they’d been shooting. She was comfortable here, in a domain that was not her own, so there was no reason why he shouldn’t be as well. The little niggling fears were still there, but he knew that Belle was kind, and honest, and he liked to think that they could communicate with each other. He toed off his own shoes and edged a little closer to her on the bed, pulling her into his arms for another kiss. She tasted of chocolate and Marsala wine from the tiramisu, and it was as intoxicating as her exotic floral perfume. Her hands were everywhere it seemed, slipping up under his jacket and trying to get it off his shoulders without breaking his hold on her, getting them tangled up in the process, but soon jacket and waistcoat were both on the floor and there was no doubt in either of their minds where this was going. Gold was thankful that he’d had the foresight to buy condoms after his talk with Neal; it was certainly worth the strange looks that he’d got from the pharmacist in order to be with Belle right now. Speaking of…

It was with a little reluctance that he pulled away from her, pressing a kiss to her temple when her brow furrowed.

“Two seconds,” he promised, slipping off the bed and going to retrieve a couple of condoms from the bathroom. He’d been optimistic enough to get some in case he ended up bringing Belle home at some point, but he had not got to the point of being optimistic enough to keep them in his nightstand yet. Maybe he would remedy that after tonight. Belle smiled when she saw them and patted the bed beside her.

His hand came to rest on her thigh and he felt the bump of a garter strap beneath her skirt, gulping at the implication. Belle bit her lip, looking up at him through her lashes and inviting him further as she shrugged her coat off and it joined his things on the floor.

“You know, you can go a bit further up,” she said, taking his hand in hers and moving it from her thigh to her breast, but once it was there, the blush that had coloured her cheeks so often in his presence began to suffuse her skin again and she looked away with a nervous giggle. “Sorry, I’m not usually this forward. It’s a new colour on me.”

“It’s a very sexy colour on you.” Given the invitation, he squeezed her breast a little, running his thumb over the cup and feeling the little bump of her nipple beneath it. “Feel free to keep wearing it.”

She seemed buoyed up by this and she met his eyes again, her hands coming to his tie whilst he continued to fondle her breast. Her movements were quick and small, fingers deft as she pulled the tie off and unfastened the first couple of buttons of his shirt. They were each taking a couple of steps and then pulling back, both making a move but then perhaps second-guessing it, neither of them taking the lead, each as nervous as the other. At least it wasn’t just him and he could take heart from that fact. They fumbled around each other, undoing and taking off here and there, Belle’s hair nearly getting caught in the zip of her dress, but soon Gold’s shirt and the dress were in residence on the carpet and Gold was staring unashamedly at Belle’s underwear. It was a set from _Devilish_ , he’d spent enough time photographing the collection and creating the catalogue that he knew it back to front, but he definitely thought that this set looked better on Belle than it did on paper, black satin with pink rosebuds in a classic vintage shape, matching panties and suspender belt. She looked absolutely divine, and even with his twitching cock telling him in no uncertain terms how eager it was to get beneath the lingerie, he would quite happily have just stayed staring at her like that for hours. The blush in her cheeks was moving down over her chest, and she wriggled her hips a little under the intensity of his gaze.

“Does it look ok?” she asked shyly.

Gold nodded. “It looks great. You look great. It looks great on you.” Oh hell, what was he even saying? Which idiot had decided that giving him a tongue in his head was a good idea? He suddenly felt self-conscious of his own bare torso, a chest with not much muscle to it and a bit of extra thickness around his waistline that middle age had seen fit to give him and that up until now he had never seen any reason to try and shift. But Belle didn’t seem to mind at all; she was looking at him as hungrily as he was surely looking at her.

“May I?” she asked, reaching out towards him, and Gold nodded, not trusting himself to speak around the lump in his throat. She brushed her fingers lightly over his chest, catching a nipple, and Gold let out a hiss of pleasure. There was a little smile on her face as she continued to map him with her hands; an expression of desire with just a little shyness behind it. He was going to have to do something about that, she was absolutely stunning and she really needed to know it. It was almost as if they were back in the studio again when he had seen her for the first time and he knew that there was a bright and wonderful, confident young woman in there itching to get out as long as Belle let herself give in. He wanted her to let go tonight and enjoy herself without any lingering worries or doubts in her mind, and he caught her hands, interlacing her fingers with his and hooking them around his neck to pull her in for another kiss. As much as he was looking forward to what came next, he did enjoy kissing her so much. She melted into his embrace, pressing in closer and pushing him down against the pillows, her warm weight covering him. His hands splayed over her back, trying to touch her everywhere at once, fumbling with her bra fastening before giving it up as a bad job and settling for keeping his hands on her ass instead. Belle was rocking her hips against his, moving against the now obvious bulge in his crotch, and all of a sudden the tightness of his trousers became very real and very unbearable, and he had to reach down to unfasten his belt and fly to take the pressure off. Together they managed to wrestle him out of his remaining clothes and his cock bobbed up eagerly, wanting nothing more than for Belle to start rubbing against him again. Of course, being inside her would be even better…

“I think you were wanting to see a little more,” she said, sitting back on her heels and unhooking her bra. The pink blush which had coloured her cheeks and chest when she had first taken her dress off was still there, still creeping lower, and Gold reached out towards her as she had done to him.

“May I?” he asked, hooking his thumbs under her loose straps, and she nodded, letting him pull the bra off gently. Her breasts were pert and rosy, dusky nipples standing proud and pebbled in the cool night air, and Gold rubbed his thumbs over the buds, making her moan and dig her fingers into his shoulders. At least he was doing something right. He briefly glared at his throbbing cock, a little embarrassed at just how hard he had got with such comparatively little stimulation. It was abundantly clear that he had not been with a woman for a long time, and the last thing he wanted was to get so carried away by the idea of it that he neglected Belle’s needs. Her eyes fluttered closed as he continued to play with her breasts, and her lips were parted in a way that made him just want to kiss them even more.

At length he left her breasts, bringing his hands to her thighs and running his fingers along the lines of her garter straps, and it took a lot more fumbling between the two of them before the belt and stockings had joined the rest of their clothes on the floor, and Belle nearly ended up face planting into the pillow beside him as she untangled herself. The flash of mortification in her eyes stirred a pang of sympathy, and he just kissed her to try and distract her from the moment, laying her down and tracing his hands down her sides. Her legs were bent awkwardly, not letting him closer, and he pulled away, brushing her mussed hair out of her face.

“Are you all right?” he asked.

Belle nodded, and the smile she gave was genuine.

“Yes. I’m great.”

She let her legs open then, her knees lolling apart so that he could see the dark spot of arousal on the gusset of her panties, and he stroked his finger across the damp fabric. Her hips jerked and shivered, a little gasp squeaking out of the back of her throat, and Gold couldn’t help the little swell of pride that he felt.

“Panties off now?” Gold suggested tentatively, and Belle nodded, sitting up and scrabbling the underwear down and off. He was glad that she’d taken that step herself; it seemed to be something definitive that she needed to do and be ready for, and the sight of her kneeling on the bed in all her naked beauty, looking down at him with her face flushed but her eyes bright and ready, was not one that he would forget in a hurry. Neither would his cock, which was aching for release with the sight of her.

“Oh Belle,” he breathed. “You’re so gorgeous, sweetheart. Come here, I want to kiss you.”

She was back in his arms in a flash, her thighs snug either side of his, hips wriggling with every movement of his hands over her skin. She was so wonderfully responsive and expressive, and he tried to commit her to memory, learning the places where she was particularly sensitive and making note for the future. Finally, once he’d mapped most of her silhouette, he brought a hand down between them to her mound, stroking his fingers over her soft nether curls. This was the part he’d worried about. He desperately wanted to please Belle and bring her over the edge, to see her fall apart on top of him like this, but it had been a such a long time since he’d touched a woman so intimately, and Milah and Cora had never made any secret of the fact that they really didn’t think much to his efforts. He’d done a little research since then, something that he would likely never admit to anyone, and he liked to think that he knew what he ought to be doing even if he lacked the ability to actually pull it off. With any luck, Belle would be receptive and would be able to guide him along to where she needed him.

He parted her folds gently, rubbing along them to try and find her clit. She was already wet, which he took as an encouraging sign, and as he spread the slippery proof of her arousal around the petals of her sex, he chanced to slip a fingertip up into her ready entrance. She gave a little gasp, but the expression on her face was one of pleasure and her hips jerked again, taking him deeper. His confidence increasing, Gold pressed a second finger up inside her and she took him easily, her smile widening a little as he stretched her. Now for the main event. Perhaps if he wasn’t so very hard and ready himself, he might have been able to concentrate a little bit more.

Another little strangled gasp from the back of Belle’s throat told him that he had at last found her clitoris, and he rubbed over the hard little nub, feeling her fingernails dig into his chest where she was braced above him, and he allowed himself a little smirk. He was on the right track, and hopefully he could still show a woman a good time even after years of singledom. Belle’s eyes fluttered closed, and he kept touching her, trying to memorise all the things that made her groan and wriggle under his fingers. She was getting more vocal now, breathier, and at last she gave a breathy exclamation, her movement stilling against him.

Gold’s brow furrowed momentarily. Had she come? Everything would point in that direction, but he was so out of practice that he couldn’t be sure. She didn’t feel any different around his fingers where they were curled inside her, but it had been a long time and every woman was different. The thing nagging at the back of his mind was the noises she was making. Cora had made those same noises and she’d wasted no time in letting him know that at least half the time they’d been together, she’d been putting on a show in order to get it over with quicker. Gold had to wonder.

Belle opened her eyes and looked down at him, and for the briefest of moments he saw the little flash of guilt across her face. Then she smiled, a proper, genuine smile, and leaned in close to kiss him.

“All right?” she asked, nudging her nose against his in a gesture that was so soft and gentle that it couldn’t be faked, leaving Gold feeling rather confused and inclined to put the whole thing down to paranoia and an overactive imagination when it came to dwelling on his past sexual favours. He nodded.

“You?”

“Very good. But now, I think it’s your turn.”

She reached down to his cock, giving him a couple of strokes to take the pressure off, and Gold thought that he was going to explode under her touch right there and then, and with his hips shaking with the effort of not thrusting up into her hand, he grabbed a condom from the side.

When she finally guided him inside her, Gold was quite prepared to believe that he had died and gone to heaven. She was so hot and tight around him, and he was ashamed to say that all his other thoughts and insecurities completely died away in that moment, his world being reduced to his cock and Belle’s wonderful warmth as she sank down onto him and he thrust up to meet her. It wasn’t the most elegant of couplings, hot and sweaty and clumsy as they ground their hips together, but Gold really couldn’t care less about finesse. All that mattered was that he was inside Belle and she was on top of him, smiling down at him with bright eyes, and he was coming apart in her arms, spilling himself in hot bursts of joy.

Belle collapsed down against his chest, and her breath ghosted across his damp skin as she gave a sigh of what he hoped was satisfaction. For a long while they just lay there, Gold stroking her hair away from the back of her neck where it was sticking to her. Neither of them said anything; there wasn’t really anything to say that wouldn’t sound cliched, and Gold really didn’t want to ruin this perfect moment with empty words just to fill the silence. As he felt himself begin to soften inside her, he rolled them over so that he could pull out and get rid of the condom, but Belle stayed cuddled in close against his chest.

“Thank you,” she murmured as he pulled the covers up over them both, tucking her head in under his chin. Gold chuckled.

“The pleasure was all mine.”

All right, maybe one cliched line wouldn’t hurt.

As Gold drifted off into a deep and dreamless slumber, the thought that something had not gone quite right would not leave the back of his mind.

X

When Belle woke up, her first thought was that she was incredibly warm and snug, and she never wanted to move from this bed. She nestled down into the covers and into Aiden’s arms, and she would have been quite content to stay there had memories of the previous night not started coming back to her in dribs and drabs.

Something had gone wrong. For all they were curled up closely together now, something had jarred them out of that perfect blissful moment they’d shared, and it was hanging heavy in the air over them. Belle rolled over out of Aiden’s sleep-limp embrace and ran a hand through her hair. It was all her fault. He’d caught her in the lie; she could tell. She knew from the moment that she’d opened her eyes and looked down at him. She could see it in his eyes, in the tiny little furrow of his brow. He was either more experienced or more observant than Gaston was, or more than likely both, and he had known that she’d faked it.

And he hadn’t said anything. He’d just let her carry on as if it hadn’t happened, he hadn’t questioned it. Why would he? That would certainly have jarred the moment even more than her faking it in the first place had done. “Excuse me but I know you faked your orgasm just now, why did you do that?” It wasn’t really the kind of thing you could say to a woman when she was riding you. Belle bit back a groan. Why had she even done it? What was she hoping to achieve from that? Ultimately, she thought that it came down to her not wanting to hurt Aiden’s feelings by letting him know that he hadn’t been able to get her off because her own stupid brain wouldn’t let her relax and enjoy herself, but in the end, had she just made matters worse? And why did she care so much about it? Aiden wasn’t Gaston; she liked to think that she was heading for a good and stable relationship with him, one in which they could communicate and talk about things –  like the fact she had very elusive orgasms. And it wasn’t as if she hadn’t been having a good time; everything that he had done had felt wonderful to her, she just couldn’t let go enough to tip over that edge.

Eventually she got up out of bed without waking him and grabbed her clothes; she couldn’t think straight whilst she was still lying naked in bed beside him and there was the temptation to just go back to sleep with him and ignore the possible repercussions of what she’d done.  Belle tiptoed down the stairs, trying to get the layout of the house; she’d only seen the stairs and the bedroom before, but she found the kitchen with ease. There were no curtains in there and the morning sunlight was already streaming in, making everything look far brighter than it had any business being.

What to do, what to do? She had been out of the dating game for so long… Well, she had never really been in it to start with, this was fairly new territory for her. She had no idea what the etiquette for this kind of situation was. Would they talk about it over breakfast or try to pretend that it had never happened and move on?

She grabbed her phone out of her purse and checked the time. It wasn’t too early in the morning, with any luck Ariel wouldn’t be asleep.

Her friend picked up on the first ring.

“Hey babe,” she said brightly. “Unusual time for you to call; is everything all right?”

“Yes… No… I really don’t know. I did something stupid.”

“Ok.” Ariel no longer sounded quite so bright, but she was still fairly chipper. “Your definition of stupid and mine don’t always add up, so I’ll make a judgement call there. What have you done?”

“I slept with Aiden.”

There was a pause on the other end of the phone and Belle could almost see the cogs turning in Ariel’s mind as she processed this.

“And that was stupid how? I know you’ve been worried that you’re taking this relationship too quickly, but I must confess that I’ve been privately cheering you on towards this moment for the last couple of weeks. Unless you were incredibly drunk at the time or you forgot to use a condom or both of the above, in which case yes, you are very stupid.”

“No, no. We weren’t drunk and we used protection. I, um… Oh Christ…”

“Belle, I know that sex is one thing that we never really talked about all that much in the context of doing it with another person rather than a vibrator, but whatever it is that you’re embarrassed about I can probably assure you that it’s completely normal. Vagina farts, getting tangled up in your own panties, believe me, I’ve been there.”

“No, no, it’s not like that. I, erm, faked it.”

“Right. Possibly not the best decision you’ve ever made, but not necessarily stupid.”

“I know. I’m just, well, used to it. It was on instinct more than anything.”

“Good lord, girl, I know I always received the impression that Gaston was bad in bed but that takes it to a whole new level. I can see where your current dilemma is coming from, but is there any reason why you’ve called me so early whilst you are probably still in his house and he’s probably still asleep to tell me this?”

“How did you guess that?”

“You’re whispering.”

“Oh. Right. No. I think he noticed.”

“He noticed that you were faking.”

“Yeah.”

“Did he say anything?”

“No. I think he was being polite.”

“Maybe he thought that you were being polite by faking and he didn’t want to be impolite by calling you out on it whilst you were, you know, sweaty and naked. Kind of awkward.”

“Ariel! Please, I don’t know what to do.”

“Well, talking to him sounds like a good start. Explaining the situation, work from there, you know. Communication is always a key part of solving little problems like these before they spiral out of control. Belle, I love you but this isn’t really something that I can help you solve over the phone within a few minutes.” The cheekiness and matter of fact tone had gone from Ariel’s voice and it held only concern and sympathy. “You’ve got a lot of things still hanging over you from Gaston,” she said, “and I think you should probably talk to someone about them. Someone who’s a bit more qualified than me.”

“I know.” Ariel had been not so subtly pushing her to make an appointment with Archie Hopper for a long time now, and she was beginning to think that she should have done that before she tried taking her relationship with Aiden to the next level. Now, she was in the unenviable position of having taken the lead and gone after what she wanted, only to have it blow up in her face like this.

“Belle, just take a few deep breaths and think rationally,” Ariel said, her tone almost pleading. “You like this man, and it’s clear that he likes you, so there won’t be any harm in talking to him.”

“Yes. I know.” She really did, her thoughts were just spiralling out of control like they so often did when it came to this relationship, that she thought she was ready for but might not have been after all.

“Ok? If I leave you to talk to him you’re not going to do anything silly like run off before he wakes up?”

“No.” She’d at least do him the courtesy of not doing a midnight flit, even if running did sound like a very appealing notion at the point in time.

“Right.” Somehow Ariel didn’t seem entirely convinced but she was right, there wasn’t really a lot more that she could do over the phone so she was going to have to hang up sooner or later. “Just talk to him, honey. I’ll see you later.”

“See you later.”

They hung up and Belle stuffed her phone back into her purse, leaning heavily on the kitchen table and staring at it for a long time, finger-combing her hair in her reflection in the shiny buckle on the clutch and trying not to look as if she was about to do a walk of shame back to her apartment. Everything had been going so well, and then something like this had had to happen to throw her off balance.

She had been sitting there stewing for about five minutes when she heard movement above her and another couple of minutes after that, Aiden appeared in the kitchen doorway wearing a robe and pyjama pants.

“There you are. I was beginning to think that you’d been a figment of my imagination last night.”

Belle shook her head. “No, it was very real. And I’m here.”

“Although not for much longer, it looks like.” Aiden took in her fully-dressed form, with jacket and purse sitting on the table ready to go, and his brow furrowed. “Is everything all right?”

“Yes,” Belle said quickly. Too quickly, so that it was obviously not all right, but for all Ariel said that she ought to talk to him, that wasn’t a conversation that she could have with Aiden right now. She might have hurt his feelings last night, but there was just too much to explain. She didn’t want to get into everything with Gaston, she didn’t want to get into her own lack of intimate experiences and the fact she didn’t seem to be able to get to orgasm without battery powered assistance. Everything in her relationship with Aiden had been going along so perfectly, and now she really didn’t know where she stood. She thought she was done with worrying about what people thought about her, but it was different with Aiden; she cared about how he saw her, and she didn’t want him to know about all her weird hang-ups. Not yet, anyway. It was too soon for that, although the logical voice in her head said that she had already brought it to the table and ignoring it now would just mean that they were dancing around it for the foreseeable future until she chose to bring it up, the elephant in the room between them.

“I’m sorry about last night,” she said. “It’s complicated. I’m just…” Oh God, what was she saying? Was there even a connection between her brain and her mouth or was she just saying random words now?

“It’s ok,” Aiden said. “It’s been a long time for both of us. It was never going to be perfect the first time.”

“Yes. No. No, it’s not that, it’s…”

He was looking at her with such kindness and openness, and that was making everything so much more complicated than if she’d just had to deal with his bruised ego, because his ego didn’t appear to be bruised, more just confused.

“I’m sorry,” she said again. “It was a mistake, I pushed too quickly. I’m sorry.”

She slipped off the kitchen chair and gathered up her purse and jacket. “I’ll call you,” she promised.

“At least let me get you breakfast,” Aiden called after her, but Belle was already on her way out of the house, needing the cool air to clear her head. She had no idea what she was doing any more and it was all her own stupid fault, if she hadn’t been so determined to take her life into her own hands and charge forward into this wonderful new Gaston-free existence then this would never have happened. Or would it? The little internal panic demon was on a roll now, not letting her get a word in edgeways as she fought against it. Maybe this would have happened anyway, no matter how long she waited until she was ready for a physical relationship. Maybe it was destiny, not something she’d ever believed in before, but hey, her mind seemed to be gathering up all the ammunition that it could use against her, so why not add destiny into the mix?

She wiped her eyes before the tears that were forming there could fall and hurried on down the road towards the town, knowing exactly where her feet were taking her but feeling so helplessly lost all the same.


	9. Wait For It

**Devilish**

**Chapter Nine – Wait For It**

Gold was still sitting at the kitchen table in his pyjamas and robe, undrunk cup of coffee going cold in front of him, an hour and a half after Belle had left, staring at his phone and willing it to do something that wasn’t just sitting there staring back at him. When it did eventually buzz after so long inert, he nearly jumped out of his skin, and it was only once his heart had stopped beating at a pace akin to that of a sprinting racehorse that he realised that the message was not from Belle, but Ella. He picked up the phone and read the message, just a little account of what she and Ursula had managed to get up to whilst completely tipsy the previous evening, no real substance to it, just wanting to share her antics. It was typical Ella, and it took Gold a moment of shaking his head before he remembered that Ella’s life had not been affected in any way by the events that had taken place overnight, and she had no way of knowing that his own world seemed ready to fall apart around his ears. There was something going on with Belle, something that he had no idea how to confront, and he really didn’t even know where to begin with an apology to her because he honestly didn’t know what he had done wrong.

Had he pushed her too far too quickly? That was the excuse that she had used before she had rushed out of the front door, that she had pushed too quickly. Perhaps there was something veiled in those words; had he mistaken her advances and gone further than she was comfortable with? Had she faked her orgasm in order to get it over with quicker? He’d never be able to forgive himself if that was the case, but he liked to think that he and Belle had a close enough relationship that she could just tell him if she wanted to press pause for whatever reason. Maybe he had been too wrapped up in his own feelings and pleasure to notice that she was getting uncomfortable with what they were doing, and once again, the spectre of the lecherous old photographer taking advantage of his beautiful model for his own selfish and lustful ends was hanging over him. Something told him that he probably ought to confide in someone and get a second opinion, but for all Ella was his closest friend, this was perhaps just a little too close to home even for her. What could he say? Hi Ella, Belle and I had sex for the first time last night and I’m pretty sure that she faked an orgasm and then ran out on me in the morning, how could I have handled the situation better? On the one hand, Ella was a woman and might have slightly more understanding of what was going through Belle’s head at the time. On the other, Ella didn’t know Belle as well as he did, and she was a lesbian who had possibly never been in the same situation as Belle had, with an older man trying and succeeding to get into her knickers.

He continued to stare at the phone; Belle had said that she would call him but she had given him no indication as to when, and although he was desperate to speak to her, he didn’t want to intrude if she didn’t want to talk to him at that moment in time. His fingers drummed anxiously against the wooden table top until the noise became so annoying that he just drowned it out into the background, and he felt the phone vibrate along the surface more than he heard it. Grabbing it up without looking, he expected a message from Belle. It was from Ella again.

_Is something the matter?_

Gold sighed. Yes, it was, but it was a bit hard to condense his scattered thoughts into a simple message, and in the end he decided to cut his losses, dialling Ella’s number.

 _“All right,”_ Ella said as she picked up, not even bothering with any preamble. _“I can tell that something’s obviously the matter. Out with it.”_

“Something went wrong,” Gold said, unsure how else to phrase it. “With Belle.”

 _“You’re going to have to define ‘something’ and ‘wrong’ in that sentence, Aiden,”_ Ella said. _“What happened? Did you call her by the wrong name in bed? Because whilst a serious problem, that can still be worked around.”_

“No, no. At least, I don’t think I did.”

 _“So, you have been to bed then,”_ Ella said, and Gold sighed.

“Yes. We have. And that’s kind of the problem. Belle, erm, ran away afterwards.”

There was silence on the phone for a long time. _“Well, Aiden,”_ Ella said eventually, _“I know that it’s been about a decade for you, but I wouldn’t have thought that your technique could have become so dire in that time as to send someone running for the hills. There’s obviously something much deeper at work here.”_

“Well, yes, thank you Sherlock, that was most enlightening,” Gold spat. “I had actually come to that conclusion myself, so maybe if you could tell me what’s at work, I might have some hope of understanding why our relationship’s gone down the tubes overnight.”

_“All right, all right, keep your hair on. Remember that I don’t know what happened between you and nor, may I add, do I want to know. You slept together and then she suddenly took off? There was nothing weird that happened before that, she just bolted for no reason?”_

“Well…” That was sort of the shape of it. In a way.

 _“Uff.”_ Ella heaved a long sigh on the other end of the phone. _“You know what, I think that this is a conversation that can only be had face to face whilst we’re both drinking enough whisky to completely block it from memory after it happens. So put some clothes on and get yourself over here. I think I’m still drunk from last night so there’s no way I’m driving.”_

Gold sighed.

“Ella, I’m not sure…”

_“Look, put it this way, would you rather have this conversation with Neal?”_

“God no!” Gold exclaimed. He couldn’t think of anything worse than having this conversation with Neal, especially after the last conversation he’d had with his son when Neal had been encouraging him to go for it and not self-sabotage like he’d done so often in the past.

 _“Well, the only other person I can think of who you could have this conversation with is Jefferson, and knowing him, he won’t be awake yet, so you might as well hash it out with me.”_ Ella paused. _“Aiden, we’ve been friends for years. I’ve seen you through two divorces and all the associated problems. Jokes aside, I think I can handle something going wrong in your sex life. You’ve listened to me talk about mine enough. Come on over, and we’ll see if we can’t sort something out.”_

“Ok.” Ella did have a point; she was his closest friend and he did share pretty much everything with her. “I’ll be over in about half an hour.”

_“I’ll have the coffee on ready. Along with tissues, ice cream, stupid romantic movies, the full works.”_

“We haven’t broken up, Ella. Something just went wrong.”

 _“And you know what gives me hope that it can be fixed?”_ Ella said.

“What?”

_“The fact that although you’re determined that everything’s gone down the tubes, you’re considering yourself still in a relationship. Now that, my friend, is what I call progress. You’re going to be fine, I can tell. Now get your rear end over here and let’s get you and Belle back on track.”_

Gold knew that there was going to be no getting out of it, and as tempting as it was to just sit around and mope and wait for Belle to call, he knew that meant that he was not doing anything to repair what had gone wrong himself, and making Belle do all the emotional labour wasn’t really fair. He got up and went to get dressed; Ella had seen him at some low points in his life but things hadn’t got to the stage of him dragging himself to hers in his pyjamas yet. Her words had given him hope, and as he knew how invested Ella was in trying to make sure that he took this opportunity and made it work, her confidence in their joint ability to sort everything out gave him more hope.

X

Once Belle had returned home, taken a shower and had time to collect herself properly, she found that she was still in a complete quandary about what to do next. She kept staring at her phone as if it was going to jump up and bite her the moment that she moved away from it, and although she had told Aiden that she would call him, a small part of her was hoping that he would call first so that she didn’t have to make that call and try to explain what the hell had just happened.

When her phone did buzz with the arrival of a message, she pounced on it eagerly, only to find that the missive was from Ariel.

_Are you ok now?_

Belle shook her head, wondering whether she ought to lie and say that she was fine, or admit that she really needed help. Relationships weren’t her strong suit given her relative lack of experience in them, and she was floundering desperately. She had wanted to strike out on her own and become an independent woman, but at the same time, no-one ever got through life without accepting some help.

 _Not really_ , she replied. _I don’t know what to do next._

Ariel’s response came less than thirty seconds later, and it was exactly what Belle was secretly hoping for.

_Ok, don’t go anywhere or do anything stupid. It’s time for a girls’ conference. Don’t worry, we’ll sort you out._

Within a few more minutes they had worked out the logistics, and within a couple of hours, Ariel was sitting in Belle’s living room whilst she told her everything that had happened the previous evening - with some tactful omissions - up to her call with Ariel and her subsequent speedy departure from Aiden’s house. Although Ruby had quickly become a firm friend, she had decided that this was something best left to Belle and her closest friend to hash out to start with, so she had assigned herself to tea-making duty. Once Belle had finished her tale of woe, Ariel buried her head in her hands, which at least served to muffle the squeal of frustration that she gave. 

"Belle, I thought I told you to talk to him!"

"I did!" Belle protested. 

"No, you spoke about three sentences to him before you sped out of the door without letting him get a word in edgeways. That's not a conversation, that's you making excuses and running away."

"It's too complicated to explain to him." Belle sighed, accepting the cup of tea that Ruby brought over to her and curling her hands around it in the hope that they wouldn't start shaking. "And even if I did explain it all, where would that leave me? I mean, if he thought that I was weird before then he'll think I'm bonkers after that."

"Belle, please, you're not weird or bonkers, you just put yourself under too much pressure, and now you're freaking out about it. Ok, so you probably took that step before you were really and truly ready for it, but all that means now is that you take a step back and take it slowly again." Ruby reached across and patted her knee. "I'm sure that he'll understand that if you explain it."

"Yeah, but explaining that inevitably means explaining why I thought that jumping into something before I was ready was a good idea. All this time I've been trying to reinvent myself and become the person that I know I can be, but maybe that wasn't such a great plan and I'm not meant to be that person after all."

"No, Belle, I think that you are meant to be that person,” Ariel said. “Or at least, you are meant to become that person, but you don't have to do it all at once. You made a mistake, but that doesn't mean that it can't be fixed or that you've ruined this relationship forever."

“All you have to do is pick up the phone and talk to him,” Ruby added. “Just make a date to meet and explain in person if you’d rather do it like that.”

“I’d rather not do it at all.”

“Well, it’s never going to get sorted if you don’t talk about it. Even if you call him and pretend that it never happened and just go about your lives as normal, it’s still going to be hanging over you like the Sword of Damocles. Look, if you’re that worried about it, we’ll come with you.”

Belle wasn’t sure which would be worse; having that conversation with Aiden with moral support from her girlfriends or without it.

“I’ve had an idea,” Ariel said suddenly, and Belle felt rather scared for no apparent reason other than the brightness in Ariel’s eyes that made her think that perhaps this idea was not going to be a particularly good one. “Give me your phone.”

“What? Why? No!”

“Well, it’s obvious that you’re not going to call him, so if someone else dials the number for you, then that forces you to act. And you really need to act sooner rather than later, because you overthink everything so much if you’re not careful, you’ll be moving to Alaska before you know it. And Alaska is way too far away for us to come and visit you on a regular basis, so let’s prevent that if we can.”

“All right, all right.” Belle gave in, but continued to hold her phone out of reach of Ariel’s grabbing hands. “I’ll call him. But you’ll have to tell me what to say.”

“You know, this could be the beginnings of a great comedy movie,” Ruby mused. “We’re feeding you lines and you’re relaying them over the phone, and then we get into an argument amongst ourselves and you just keep repeating whatever we’re saying, leading Gold to get extremely confused.”

Belle glared at her friends. “I thought that you were supposed to be helping me out here.”

“We will, we will. I’m just kidding.”

Still not entirely sure of her friends’ intentions but at least confident in the knowledge that they weren’t actively trying to ruin her relationship, Belle dialled Aiden’s number.

X

“It’s a very interesting case.”

Ella and Gold were sitting on the sofa together, and Gold raised an eyebrow at Ella’s summation of the situation that had unfolded overnight.

“Interesting is really not the word that I would use,” he said.

“Well, you’re not an outside observer, so that’s natural,” Ella said. “But I don’t think that you did anything wrong. I think there was a lack of communication between the two of you, which looks like a it’s a common failing when it comes to this relationship considering how much second-guessing it took to get you two together in the first place. So naturally, the way to remedy this simple.”

“Do go on.”

“Talk. To. Each. Other.” Ella gave him a pointed look. “I know that you’re old-fashioned and set in your ways, but you spend an awful lot of your time photographing naked and semi-naked women so you really can’t be too much of a prude. You’ve taken that step into the world of carnal delights now so you’re going to have to talk about it. You can’t just do something and not talk about it.”

“I know. I just don’t want her to regret what we did. I don’t want to regret it either for that matter.”

“Because of course ignoring it is definitely not going to make either of you regret anything.” The sarcasm was dripping from Ella’s words and she rolled her eyes. “Sometimes I think that there might be loose connections between the logic and the impulse centres in your brain.”

Gold opened his mouth to respond, but before he could do so, his phone began to vibrate, showing Belle’s caller ID.

“Are you going to answer that?” Ella asked plainly, and Gold knew that any answer other than ‘yes’ was not the one that he wanted to hear, so he didn’t respond, grabbing the phone instead.

“Hi Belle.”

_“Hi. I think we need to talk, about this morning. I’m sorry that I took off like that, I was completely overwhelmed by everything.”_

“That’s ok, I understand.”

He didn’t understand at all, but he needed Belle to know that he didn’t hold it against her.

_“No, you don’t. It’s more complicated than that. I’m more complicated than that.”_

“Are you all right?” Gold asked. “If there was something that happened last night…”

 _“I’m all right,”_ Belle said firmly. _“Honestly, I’m ok. Just overthinking everything at the moment. Can we meet somewhere and talk about it?”_

“Of course. I’m out of town with a friend right now, but I can be back soon.”

“She can come here,” Ella said. “If you want neutral ground to meet on.”

 _“Is that Ella de Ville in the background?”_ Belle asked.

“Yes, I’m at her house. She’s invited you over. I think she’s even more eager for us to talk about this than we are.”

_“Oh. Well, if that’s ok then I guess I’ll come over.”_

Gold gave her the address, and once they had said their goodbyes and hung up, he wondered what the ensuing conversation would have in store for them both. Ella was looking remarkably pleased with herself as he stowed his phone back in his pocket and returned his attention to her.

“Well, that was excellent timing even if I do say so myself,” she said. “Now, with any luck, everything will all be sorted by tea time and I can break out the gin to celebrate.”

Gold rolled his eyes, not really in the mood to appreciate Ella’s humour right now and knowing that he wouldn’t be in a position to until this all-important discussion with Belle had taken place. All he could do now was wait for her to arrive.

X

About an hour later found Belle, Ariel and Ruby standing on the doorstep of Ella’s impressive townhouse. Ella opened it before they’d had chance to knock, as irreverent as ever, and she waved the ladies through into the hall.

“Come in, come in, let’s see if we can’t get you sorted out. Nice to meet you again Belle, Ruby, you must be Ariel, come on in. Ruby, Ariel, the drinks are this way, I’m sure that you’re in need of just as much alcoholic sustenance as I am if you’ve been listening to the other half of the story.”

She ushered Ruby and Ariel into the kitchen and gave Belle a nudge towards the living room, where Aiden was standing. He gave her a sheepish wave.

“You’ll be fine,” Ella said confidently. “Just tell each other the truth and you’ll get it worked out. He really is a lovely man once you get to know him, you know.”

Belle smiled, feeling her blush rise. “Yes. That I do know.”

She entered the room and heard the door close behind her, and for a few moments, they just stood there in awkward silence. It was less than a day since they had last seen each other, but the agonising period of worrying and overthinking that had come before made it feel like a lifetime. Eventually Belle decided that sitting down was probably a good idea, and Aiden followed her over to the sofa, sitting at the opposite end.

“Hi.”

“Hey.”

“So, I think that Ella and Ariel are probably going to lock us in here and not let us out until we’ve talked,” Belle said.

“When it comes to Ella, I wouldn’t put anything past her,” Aiden agreed, and the dry humour in his voice gave Belle the hope she needed that it would all be all right in the end, that if they could still laugh about things together now, then they’d make it through the strange conversation that they were about to have.

“So…” Belle twisted her hands together in her lap, wondering how she was going to even begin to explain what was going on in her head. “I guess you’re probably wondering why I took off like that this morning.”

Aiden nodded. “Yes, I was a bit. Please, if it was something that I did, tell me what I did wrong and I can make sure that it doesn’t happen again.”

Belle shook her head. “No, it wasn’t you. It was me. Like I said this morning; I pushed too far too quickly and got out of my comfort zone.” She sighed, it was probably better to just get it all out there in the open anyway. It was highly unlikely that she would have divulged her history with Gaston this early in their relationship in any other circumstances, but these were the circumstances that they were in. Best to begin at the beginning. She took a deep breath.

“Back when we first met; well, when I came into your studio in a panic, you said that you would never presume to know why I’d chosen to model for the catalogue, but that most women did it for a confidence boost. And you were right, I did. But there was something else to it. I’d just come out of a pretty bad relationship and I was looking to move on, and live life on my own terms for the first time in a long time. So I started doing things that I would never normally do, things that would take me out of my comfort zone a little, and make me feel like my own person after so long being an extension of my boyfriend.”

Aiden nodded. “I understand. That’s very brave of you.”

“Well, I didn’t feel very brave at the time, but once I’d done it, I felt great. And I was glad I did it because I would never have met you otherwise. I guess what I’m trying to say is that deep down, when it came to sex, I wasn’t ready for that next step, but I pushed myself to take it anyway because I thought it would be best. I just… overthink things, I guess,” Belle said. “All the time.” She gave a soft little huff of laughter. “You know, it took a hell of a lot of overthinking for me to pluck up the courage to ask you out that first time. I’m just constantly thinking of the worst possible outcome for everything, trying to second guess myself rather than just letting go.”

“It’s ok,” Gold said. “I can definitely relate to that. As Ella will attest, pretty much every single conversation we had after you rushed into my studio that day went along the lines of her encouraging me to date you and me freaking out because what kind of a photographer would I be if I went around dating my models. I was more concerned for my reputation than my feelings, or yours.”

“And I didn’t know whether I was coming or going. I was just so happy to be taking control of everything in my life, and everything was going so well that I just wanted to keep pushing forward and not look back, even though I knew that I was probably going faster than I was comfortable with. It just felt too good, and I knew that if I stopped and took a step back to think about it properly then I’d end up overthinking it and I’d never get back on the horse. But then when push came to shove and we actually got to the sex stage, I started overthinking it anyway, and then I panicked.”

“How did you panic?” Aiden’s voice was wary. “Did I hurt you?”

“No,” Belle said firmly. “No, you made me feel better than anyone’s made me feel for a long time. Well, forever, actually.” She could feel her face begin to flame with embarrassment. “Aiden, I’ve never had an orgasm with a partner before and I’m really used to faking it because my previous partner, well, he was an asshole of the highest order. I meant what I said about overthinking things and not being able to let go of them. I kind of started… overthinking my orgasm. And I realised I wasn’t going to get there, and I panicked about it, and so I faked it, and then I saw that you’d realised something wasn’t as it seemed, and I panicked again. So… Yeah. That’s what happened.”

“I didn’t know that you’d faked it,” Aiden said. “I wasn’t really sure what had happened, but I knew that something had happened, but then you seemed quite happy to carry on so we did. But then when you took off so suddenly this morning I was worried that something terrible had gone wrong and I’d completely misinterpreted the situation.”

“No. I guess we were both just panicking a lot. I was panicking because I thought you’d noticed so I just kept going because I really didn’t want to talk about it when, you know, we were naked and in the middle of it all. And by the time I woke up I started panicking again so I just ran away to avoid the conversation.” She paused. “There’s so much in my life at the moment where I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing, and…” Belle trailed off, not really sure where she was going with the sentence.

“It’s ok.” Aiden gave a little shrug. “It’s all pretty new to me as well. Like I said, it’s been a long time. But it doesn’t matter if you don’t know what you’re doing. I don’t care.”

It was a very reassuring and refreshing thing to hear after so long trying to be perfect for Gaston, and then trying to be perfect for herself, and trying to be perfect for Aiden even though he wasn’t demanding perfection, just because she didn’t want him to realise how imperfect she was. But the imperfections were all part of the picture. Belle had wanted to grow into her own woman, and that included all the various insecurities and hang-ups that she had yet to shed. She wanted to be her best self, and that meant being true to her best self as well, rather than pretending to be there. She had grown so much in self-worth over the past few months that she really couldn’t start letting a man dictate how she felt about herself.

That didn’t mean that she couldn’t keep her relationship with Aiden, she just needed to remember to do things on her own terms, not to push herself trying to prove a point that didn’t need to be proved at all.

“We can go at whatever pace you want,” Aiden continued. “I don’t mind, as long as we’re going somewhere. Because you’re the first person I’ve met in a long time who I want to go somewhere with.” He paused. “Well, that was incredibly eloquent.”

“It’s ok. I understand.” Belle considered it all. Being allowed to take the relationship along at her own pace was one thing, but the creeping fears that she had felt just before starting her relationship with Aiden were still there, that she was going too far in the opposite direction and calling all the shots like Gaston had always done. She shook herself. This wasn’t the same thing, she wasn’t controlling everything, she was just setting the pace. And as long as they kept talking to each other about it, then it was all going to be all right.

“Ella’s right,” Aiden said presently. “Communication really isn’t our strong point.”

“Yeah, Ariel and Ruby think the same thing. They were despairing of me earlier. Their definition of conversation and mine don’t add up, apparently.”

“But it’s all right now,” Gold said. “We’re on the same page. At least, I hope we are?”

The uncertainty in his voice was sweet, and Belle nodded.

“I want to make this work, and I want to make it work at my own pace, but at the same time there are a hundred other little warning signs flashing at me that I’m not supposed to be taking control, that a relationship requires two people working together. I don’t want to turn into a copy of the man I just left.”

“You won’t,” Aiden said. “I agree, a relationship does require two people working together. But it would hardly be a good relationship if you felt pressured into doing anything you weren’t ready for because you were worried about what I might be thinking. We can wait for as long as you want to wait.”

Belle nodded. “Thank you. So…” She reached out across the sofa, taking Aiden’s hand in hers where it was resting on the cushions between them. “I’m sorry I panicked. Can we pick up again where we left off?”

Aiden returned the pressure of her hand in his, squeezing her fingers gently. “Yes, I’d say that we definitely can.”

Belle inched closer on the sofa, leaning in for a kiss that Aiden readily provided, his free hand coming up to cup her cheek and tilt her head to the right angle. It was a soft kiss, one that spoke of hidden promises that were waiting to be unlocked, but that would keep waiting for a while longer. Although there was passion and hunger in there, there was no sense of desperation. They had all the time in the world, and there was nothing that could get in their way, as long as they actually talked to each other about their problems. As they broke away, Belle gave a little giggle and Aiden quirked an eyebrow.

“What’s tickled you?”

“Nothing really. I was just thinking about what wonderful friends we have, and how I think that they’re more invested in the outcome of our relationship than we are. We’re here agreeing to take things slowly and make sure that we’re on the same page before we go any further, but they were the ones that got us here together post-haste when they realised that something had gone wrong. They were determined that nothing should get in the way.”

“They’re very useful to have,” Aiden agreed. “If it hadn’t been for Ella, I don’t think that I would ever have had the courage to say yes when you asked me out on that first date.”

“If it hadn’t been for Ariel and Ruby, I would never have asked.”

“We owe them a lot, really.”

“It’s all right!” a voice called from the other side of the living room door, one that sounded suspiciously like Ella and that sounded even more suspiciously like she had had her ear pressed up against the wood trying to eavesdrop on their conversation. “Just make sure that you invite us to the wedding!”

Aiden groaned, scrubbing his hands over his face and looking for all the world like he was hoping that the ground would open up and swallow him whole there and then.

“Forget what I said about Ella being a good friend,” he muttered. “We don’t owe her anything.”

Belle just laughed, giving his hand a final squeeze before she went over to open the door, finding not only Ella but also Ruby and Ariel all clustered around outside it.

“Were you really listening to our entire conversation?” she asked.

“Not the entirety of it,” Ella said, affronted. “There were quite a lot of parts where you were talking too quietly for us to make out what was going on.”

“Ella, don’t make it worse,” Ruby said. “You already gave away our position.”

“Well, considering what’s at stake, I think we deserve to know that everything’s working out all right,” Ella said. “Besides, it’s my house, so I get to listen at all the doors. It’s not eavesdropping in your own home.”

“Well, everything’s all right, thank you,” Belle said.

“Excellent news, I’m very glad to hear it. I think that this calls for celebratory gin and tonic all round. I’ll mix.”

Ella sauntered away towards the kitchen completely unashamed of her antics, leaving Ariel and Ruby looking a little bit sheepish.

“Well, you have to admit, you’re not the greatest at communicating,” Ariel said. “So we were ready to swoop in and save you from yourselves if something went incredibly wrong.”

“Your concern for us is touching, if somewhat worrying.”

Ella returned with a tray of glasses and bottles of gin and tonic and set them on the coffee table.

“Really, Ella?” Aiden said. “The sun’s not over the yardarm yet.”

“And since when has that stopped us?” She poured a generous measure for herself and Ariel and chinked the two glasses together. “To a crisis well-avoided.”

Her opinions of Ella’s timing aside, Belle had to echo the sentiment as her hand found Aiden’s and squeezed tightly, and she felt him return her grip.


	10. Merry and Bright

**Devilish**

**Epilogue – Merry and Bright**

If Belle had been asked six months ago what she would be doing this Christmas, the answer would certainly not have matched the reality. Sitting in Aiden’s living room, curled up on the sofa in a Christmas jumper covered in dancing snowmen with a glass of mulled wine warming her hands and Aiden’s arm around her warming the rest of her nicely, Neal and Emma and baby Henry on the other side of the room. It was the perfect picture of a family Christmas, even if Belle had only been part of the family for a comparatively short space of time. She was still not fully there yet, she felt. She and Aiden had not made any plans to move in together yet, but she sometimes felt that she spent more time at his place than she did at her own, and she found that she was all right with that. Neal had accepted her readily as a potential stepmother and after a few initial hiccups had been as warm and welcoming as she could have hoped for. Emma had been harder to convince of her benignity, but then again, Emma had been very pregnant at the time they’d first met and could be excused all manner of irrational thoughts on account of that.

And now Henry had arrived and the family truly felt complete. Belle had been dubious about coming over on Christmas Day with the new baby in the picture, wanting to give the little family the time they needed together, and it had been Neal who had re-extended the festive invitation, stating that since he and Emma would be fussing over the baby for the entire holiday, his father needed someone to talk to.

But they weren’t talking now. They were just sitting watching the lights on the tree. The TV was on low in the background; Emma and Neal had found that the soft hum of its sound helped get Henry off to sleep, although naturally the channel was changed if anything with loud bangs and gunfire came on. At the moment, they were watching the Hallmark Christmas movie channel, so there wasn’t any fear of a car exploding or machine gun fire at unexpected moments.

Aiden chinked his tumbler of whisky against her wine glass.

“Merry Christmas.”

“A very Merry Christmas to you too.” Belle finished the dregs of her wine and nestled in closer against his chest. They had exchanged gifts earlier in the day, but there was something else that she wanted to give him, something that couldn’t be wrapped up in shiny paper and exchanged with the entire rest of the family watching.

“Something tells me that it might be getting distinctly merrier,” Aiden murmured in her ear, and Belle wriggled with a mixture of anticipation and embarrassment.

“Am I really that obvious?”

Aiden nodded. “I have to say it, love, but you can’t keep a secret to save your life.”

“And there was I thinking that I was being all surreptitious and coy about it.”

Neal looked up from Henry. “I heard the words ‘surreptitious and coy’ and I began to think that maybe it’s time that we put Henry to bed,” he said dryly. “Either that, or you put yourselves to bed.”

Aiden gave a long and slightly pained sigh. “Just because I haven’t been in a relationship since you were in middle school doesn’t mean that you can take advantage now,” he complained.

“You’re kidding me, right? I missed out on all my teenage years of making fun of you, I need to catch up.”

“You’re absolutely incorrigible, did you know that?”

“Oh Dad, where’s your spirit of adventure?”

“It died long ago.”

“Hush you two,” Emma said, her voice barely above a hiss. “I’ve only just got him off to sleep and if you make me laugh now then you’ll wake him up! Come on Neal, let’s take him up and leave the lovebirds to get on with it. I feel like I could sleep for a week myself.”

Neal gave into this with good grace and good nights were exchanged. Aiden waited until the noises of movement in the house above them had died down and it was clear that Emma, Neal and Henry were ensconced in their own room and there would be little chance of interruption before he twisted to capture Belle’s lips.

“Now then, shall we begin our own little Christmas party?” he asked. There was already that wonderful huskiness in his voice that sent shivers down Belle’s spine, and she nodded eagerly.

“We’ll need to go upstairs though,” she said. “That’s where I left the final part of our present.”

“ _Our_ present?”

“Yes. I bought it for me, but you’re definitely going to get a lot of enjoyment out of it too.”

“In that case, I look forward to it immensely.”

There were a few moments of normality then, when they had to break out of their close embrace to tidy up the living room and put the house to bed, but once the lights were out and they were in the bedroom, with no noises coming from the guest room, Belle smiled again in a manner that she hoped was seductive and not just awkward. Going to bed with Aiden had been a learning curve for the both of them, really. It had been so long since Aiden had been in a relationship that he was re-learning everything over, and Belle had not had all that much experience herself. In a way they were learning their way around each other together, and Belle was very happy about that. Ever since that first time together, when things had not exactly gone as she had planned, she had never felt bad about her own sexual inexperience, and she had very much enjoyed everything that she was learning.

Six months ago she didn’t think that she would ever have had the confidence to get into bed with someone ever again, so afraid of jumping into something that she regretted on the rebound.

Now though, everything was going well. She was a part time underwear model, after all.

“Why don’t you get comfortable and I’ll show you what I’ve got?”

Aiden smirked. “Oh yes, I’m very much looking forward to this.”

Belle grabbed the discreet red carrier bag printed with the Devilish logo from where it was sitting innocently on top of her overnight bag and she disappeared into the bathroom, shaking out the contents and spreading them out on the tiled floor. She could do this. She could wear this. She might have gone completely beetroot red when she had tried it on in the shop, but that was beside the point. It was not something that she would ever have consented to wear for a catalogue shoot, but it was only Aiden who was going to see it now, and she knew that his reaction was going to be a favourable one.

Belle had never yet bought anything red whilst revamping her underwear wardrobe, stating that she’d had enough of red and black; she wanted to wear colours that she liked and that suited her. Unfortunately, like most stores, the vast majority of what Devilish offered around Christmas time was in red in some shape or form. The piece that she was putting on now had been a real find, pure white in snowflake pattern lace with little velvet bows. Ruby had modelled it for the Christmas catalogue shoot and Belle might never have come across it if her friend hadn’t quickly shown it off during the lunch break. She gave herself a once over in the mirror and tried to ignore the fact that her face was very obviously reddening before she bit the bullet and stepped out into the bedroom with a confidence that was partially fake. Do the brave thing and bravery would follow. It was the mantra that she had been trying to live by ever since she had left Gaston, and thus far it had worked out for her.

And it had worked again. Aiden was looking at her as if his eyes were about to pop out of his head, and she knew that she had made the right decision.

“Yes, I think I’m definitely going to enjoy this gift,” he said. He sounded slightly strangled, which Belle had learned was a sign that she was onto a good thing. She gave him a little twirl. He’d seen the outfit before, of course, when he’d photographed Ruby wearing it, but he’d never seen it on her. It was a baby doll style nightdress and matching panties, seemingly innocuous but for the very sheer lace, until on closer inspection it became apparent that the little velvet bows over the bra cups and panties were actually concealing the fact that it was a peephole set. Belle could see Aiden’s fingers twitching, longing to get his hands on her and undo those bows to see beneath them. Belle had liked the novelty value of being uncovered but still dressed, however loosely the term might be applied, and she sauntered over to the bed, crawling up Aiden’s body until she could kiss him deeply. He gave in readily, pulling her in close against his chest with a hungry eagerness and Belle grinned against his mouth as she felt the first stirrings of his cock against her thigh.

“This is ok?” she ventured when he finally let her up for air.

“God, Belle, this is way more than ok. You know that.”

Belle smiled. “I like to check.”

“And I love you for it.”

She had been worried when she discovered how much she liked being the more dominant partner in the bedroom, indeed, it had freaked her out a little bit that perhaps she was projecting so many years of being more submissive under Gaston out in an unhealthy way, and it had taken a lot of persuading from Ariel, Ruby and Aiden himself to talk her down from the panic she was getting herself into, that this was not toxic, that Aiden liked it as much as she did, and that as long as they communicated clearly, then there was nothing wrong with it. It wasn’t even so much a question of dominance, but of setting the pace, and that was something that Aiden was more than happy to let her do on a regular basis – something that Belle loved him for.

She leaned back in to recapture his mouth again, her tongue exploring every corner of him. He tasted of whisky, sharp and smoky, and Belle could probably have got drunk off the taste of him alone. His hand came up to cup her breast, fingers toying with the ribbon that kept the cup closed, and she pulled away, tutting.

“Not yet, Aiden. All in good time. First of all I think that we need to do something about the fact that you’re incredibly overdressed right now.”

He wasn’t as overdressed as he could have been. Belle had grown so used to seeing him in his immaculate suits all the time that it had come as a bit of a shock to her when she had first seen him wearing jeans and a sweater in off-duty mode, and she had fallen about laughing earlier in the day when she had seen him in his Rudolf Christmas jumper. Thankfully he had already taken that off whilst she was getting ready in the bathroom; she didn’t think that she would have been able to go through with the seduction had she come out of the en suite to find Rudolf staring back at her.

Together they made quick work of his shirt buttons and the thing was flung in the vague direction of the laundry hamper, before another frenzy of kisses took them over. There was more urgency now that the clothes were coming off, more unadulterated need. Belle moved away from his mouth, savouring all the little groans in the back of his throat as she kissed her way over his jaw, down his neck and over his chest, flicking her tongue over his nipples and making him gasp as they tightened under her touch. She couldn’t help grinning against his skin; Aiden’s body was like an interactive map and the more she roamed over it, the more wonderful and more expressive noises he made. His belly was quivering with the effort of trying to stay still, his hips wanting to buck up against her, and she sat back on her heels, tracing a finger down the line of dark hair that disappeared under his waist band, promising good things beneath. The bulge in the front of his trousers was getting more and more obvious with every moment, and Belle decided to take pity on him, unfastening his belt and fly and helping him wriggle the jeans off.

“There,” she said once he was down to his tented boxers. “I think we’re on more of a level playing field now. He was hot and hard beneath her as she crept back up his body, but Belle was determined to make this last for as long as possible and truly draw out this Christmas celebration as much as she could. “Now you can do a little exploration.”

He kissed her first, pouring more love and desire than she could possibly have hoped for into the kiss. Since they had taken their time in getting to know each other intimately, kissing had been something that they had partaken in often, indeed as much as possible, to sate that hunger that they both felt but didn’t quite feel ready to try acting upon again yet. Kissing Aiden was something that Belle thoroughly enjoyed, but there was more to come tonight, and they both knew that this was only the beginning. She felt his hand come up to cup her right breast, rubbing his thumb over the little bow that covered her nipple, making the bud beneath it pebble and harden, eager for his warm fingers against it directly, and she pressed her chest forward into his touch. Deft fingers plucked at the velvet ribbon and the cup fell open, Aiden’s hand covering her breast and rubbing her nipple.

“Like what you find?” she asked. Aiden nodded, lowering his mouth to her and tugging on her nipple, laving his tongue over it whilst his other hand rubbed at the other bow, eventually untying it and repeating the treatment on the other side. Belle threw her head back, her hands anchored against his shoulders feeling like the only thing that was keeping her from taking off into a little flight of pleasure. Learning to let go and give in to all the wonderful sensations had been one of the hardest things to overcome when they had begun to sleep together again after the missteps of their first night. To just focus on the pleasure that he was so artfully and generously giving her, rather than worrying about what his own reactions might be, was harder than it looked, although when he was doing that with his tongue… That made it a lot easier to distract herself from overthinking the entire situation.

“That’s it,” Aiden crooned, kissing his way back up her chest to her lips and giving her nipples a sly pinch. “Just go with it, let it come. Relax.”

She liked the fact that she could relax with him, that she truly felt safe and not like she was going to be judged for her hang-ups. Another of the things that she loved about him so very much.

There was a final ribbon holding the baby doll fastened in the front, but Aiden skipped past that one, dragging his hands down her sides and up under the hem to rest on her hips, thumbs massaging little circles there over the waistband of her panties.

“A little bit more exploration?” he suggested, getting closer and closer to the split gusset.

Belle nodded. “Oh yes, yes, please.”

“Then your wish is my command.” He grinned at her. “It is Christmas, after all.”

He cupped her mound and Belle ground down against the heel of his hand, wanting as much friction as she could get from him. One finger was stroking her along the line where the gusset was open, just about touching her through the fabric but not as near as she wanted him, and he fumbled a little with the first of the two bows, the one that sat neatly over her clit. The fabric was already damp from her juices, Belle could tell as his fingers slipped on the wet velvet. Finally it was open and she keened against him, head thrown back as he coaxed her pearl out and it swelled under his touch, circling around the little nub but not touching her directly on it. Belle closed her eyes; she didn’t think that she would be able to open them if she tried, and everything else in the room faded away as she focussed just on the wonderful things that Aiden was doing with his hand. She felt the second bow give way and his fingertip press into her entrance; she took him readily, clenching around him and wanting more, so much more.

“So wet and sweet, my love,” he murmured as he continued to pet at her inner walls, pushing up another finger inside her and curling in just the right way, a way that Belle had never been able to get the right angle on herself. His other hand was still petting at her clit, thumb stroking her firmly, bringing her closer and closer to the edge. She was nearly there, she was so close, so desperately close, and…

And now she was overthinking it all again, and pleasure began to give way to frustration as she felt that plateau come. Everything he was doing felt wonderful, but something was stopping her letting go and falling over that wonderful peak with him. She’d already accepted that she wasn’t going to have an orgasm every time they made love and that the discovery of her pleasure was still something of a work in progress, but it was Christmas and she was wearing the most audacious lingerie she’d ever owned and she’d been looking forward to this moment all day and it just wasn’t fair…

“Hey.” Aiden’s voice was soft and Belle gave a moan of something akin to annoyance as she felt the hand toying with her clit move, but then a moment later it was cupping her cheek and she opened her eyes. “Don’t think about it,” he said. “Just let it come. It won’t come if you don’t let it.”

His fingers curled inside her again and Belle shivered, furrowing her brow when he pulled them out.

“I’ve had an idea,” he said simply. “Scooch up?”

Belle glanced down; there was a dark, damp spot on the front of his boxers where his cock was already leaking pre-cum. He must have been aching for her, but he gave himself no mind and just rubbed her thigh, getting her to move up his body.

“Come up,” Aiden coaxed. “Right up.”

Belle preferred being on top, ever since that first time that had not gone according to plan. She liked the control it gave her and the fact it made her feel more like an active participant, rather than slipping back into the ceiling watching that she had always done before. As much as she liked Aiden going down on her, she was willing to sacrifice that if she stayed on top with just his fingers. Now, though, as he shifted down so that his face was between her thighs, she was going to get the best of both worlds.

“Are you sure?” she asked him.

“Very sure. I trust you not to smother me. I’ve got you. Just let yourself give in to it.”

She had come so close before that it really didn’t take all that much to bring her back into the moment after the little interruption, and the first touch of Aiden’s hot tongue against her clit was electrifying. One hand was under her bum, keeping her from collapsing down onto his face completely, and the other was pushing two fingers back inside her clutching channel, curling as he had done before. Belle grabbed the headboard, leaning on it and closing her eyes once more, letting herself go with the exquisite pleasure that she was getting from his hands and his mouth, his tongue lapping over her clit, now circling around it, now hard, now light. Her nipples were begging for touch, the lace and velvet of the lingerie teasing them in just the right way as she moved against Aiden’s mouth…

“Oh, _Aiden…”_

Her release was blissful, and all the more intense for its unintentional delay. It wasn’t sharp or sudden but the culmination of so much build up, a tumbling fall over an edge rather than a starburst.

“That’s it. Let go, love. I’ve got you.”

He drew his fingers out of her achingly slowly, and as he brought her back down and she flopped against his chest to get her breath back, she could see her juices glistening on his mouth and chin. There was something erotic in the sight that never failed to give her a little aftershock of pleasure as she came down into the glow.

“Happy Christmas,” she mumbled against his skin, and she felt his laugh rather than heard it.

“A very happy Christmas.”

They lay there for a moment, until Belle shifted and felt his hard length against her thigh. She reached down, opening his boxers and taking him out, stroking his blood-dark cock and feeling him twitch in her hand.

“I’ve decided I like underwear with holes in,” she said plainly, running her thumb over his flushed tip and smearing the pearly fluid. “It just makes life so much more practical, don’t you think?”

“Mm.” Aiden nodded, words evidently a bit beyond him as she tugged on his length and his hips bucked up to meet her on the down stroke. “Yes.”

Belle slipped her leg over his hip, lining them up as best she could without moving from her current position. The open ribbons of her panties kept getting in the way and in the end he had to lend a hand, but after a little more wriggling, he was sunk deep inside her, his head thrown back and lips parted in ecstasy as Belle began to move on him, rocking her hips to meet his. It didn’t take him long to come, and Belle couldn’t say that she really blamed him having been on the edge for so long. As long as he enjoyed the experience, that was what mattered, and that was the one thing that she had taken away from their love-making. As long as they had a good time, it didn’t really matter how long it took either of them to get there, if they even got there at all.

“Oh Belle.” Aiden gave a soft, sated sigh, and Belle could hear the happiness in his voice as he spoke. “You are so very wonderful, my love.”

She shifted her hips to let him slip out of her, but neither of them made any move to clean up or make themselves decent ready for sleep.

“I love you too,” she whispered.

They had a long way to go yet, and Belle knew that there would still be moments when her mind would run away with her and she’d have to talk things out with Ariel and Ruby to get her back on track. But she knew that she was moving in the right direction, and here in Aiden’s bed with his arms around her and his seed drying on her skin, she knew that she would get there in the end.

At length he shifted a little, tucking himself back into his boxers and pulling the covers up over them where the night air was beginning to chill, but he pulled her in closer to his side and did not complain when she nestled her head in against his shoulder, simply planting a kiss in her hair.

“You know, I think you ought to venture into the naughty section of the catalogue more often,” he said, flicking at one of the loose ribbons on her baby doll. Belle could only smile, a smile that became a giggle that was nigh on uncontrollable, and she had to bury her face in Aiden’s chest to prevent her from waking the whole household.

“What’s got into you?” he asked, obviously trying very hard not to laugh himself.

“Nothing, nothing. It was a long train of thought. I was just thinking about how it could have been so easy for me never to have met you, and how far I’ve come – we’ve come – since then.”

“Well, I’m glad to hear that,” Aiden said. He stroked her hair. “Sleep now, love. It’s been a long day.”

“Yes. But a good one.”

They fell into silence, still warm in each other’s arms, and Belle continued to think about the course of their relationship and all the ups and downs and doubts and moments of confidence that had brought them to this moment.

And it had all started with a bra.


End file.
